Post Nap Pam

I just booked my ticket to California. I am going from August 12 - 19. I called Auntie Dot before buying the ticket so I think those dates will be okay. I warned her that I don't plan to rent a car and drive when I get there. She was very surprised. See, she doesn't know me well, does she?

I am debating if I am going to attempt to paint that lone wall in my bedroom tonight. Since it is 9 PM, I doubt I will do it. I have to sleep in there, and I don't think I would do so well sleeping in a room with wet paint fumes.

It is very quiet in the house tonight. I don't think Amy is here. I am not sure where she went. Her car was gone when I got here, but I know she must've come home because the recycle container was brought in from this morning. Oh wait, I hear the door. That must be her.

I am a little down today. Work was good. I was very sleepy though. I had fun on the drive home. It was over 95 degrees out, so I put the top down and cranked up the air conditioning and radio. It was a fun ride. I came home and took my nap. I need to sign on at work to make up about half an hour. I left a little early today.

All in all, things are going pretty well. After all, the cats now have a cat door.

Old Georgia Pine

I didn't get everything done. Three out of four walls ion my bedroom are painted. It looks really good and will only need some minor spot touch ups. I went to Boardwalk Billy's to listen to one of the live bands play. They played a lot of the 70-80's music that I like. I ate nachos for dinner so my tummy is hurting a little bit.

I went to buy my tickets to California, but I figured I should call and confirm first. I am hoping to make it the 3rd week of August. I have to be back on the 20th for my PhD Orientation for the Fall. Uncle Ray answered and said he would have Auntie Dot call me back.

I stayed up late last night, so I am getting sleepy. Amy and Dominque went to watch the race. I heard there was a big controversy about the new rumble strips they are using at the Poconos race track. Not sure how that turned out. Let me check. Kurt Busch won. I think he is Kenny's favorite driver. I guess Tony Stewart broke his winning streak. He is still #2 in the overall unofficial rankings. Amy wants Dale Jr. to win. I don't particularly care, but I am just amused about how much I have learned about NASCAR in the last few months.

I was so hot at the concert. I feel like I got dehydrated. I drank two big glasses of apple juice so now I feel kind of sick. Ugh.

And, don't ask about Jason for a while. I don't think I will hear from him again, so I won't have much to say. It is just better to talk about things when they are good than when they are bad.

Too many nachos in Pam's belly. :-(

I shall try to write more later.

Pam

I'm Back

Hey, everyone. I have been occuppied for a few days, but I am back for an update. I didn't make it to church today like I should, but I am comitting myself to do better.

I just want to get some things done today:

1) deposit checks
2) clean the house
3) paint my bedroom
4) e-mail Dr. Wong
5) buy tickets to California

Some other things, I am sure. Mr. Matthews and his wife came over to put in the cat door yesterday and the day before. I think the cats are getting the hang of it.

It is a beautiful day outside. Amy and Dominique are here. I need to hop in the shower and get ready for the day.

Jason's mom and I went to a nail shop yesterday. She got a manicure, and I got a pedicure. It was fun. I think my toe ring might be making my toe deformed though. Maybe I am just paranoid!

Pam Made Enchiladas

I make some pretty darn good enchiladas. They are cooking in the oven right now. I am making Santa Fe rice as well. I was very happy Harris Teeter carried that type of rice. Publix stopped carrying it for some reason. I couldn't find it anywhere since high school.

Amy got an extension on her clerkship. She is going to be staying here until December. She is a good roommate in the scheme of things.

I am thinking about taking a trip to CA the third week of August, but I have to find out about tickets, family schedules, etc. I feel like I am planning last minute, but I just found out from my boss that I should be able to take the time off. I am a little scared going out there by myself since I haven't gone to see my relatives since I was 10 years old. I think it would be a good growing experience though. We will see if it works out.

TIAA-CREF just sent me an invite to a reception for the recipients of their fellowship. That should be exciting. I am very thankful. They are giving my $25,000 for my first year of PhD studies on top of UNCC waicing my tuition. Awesome!

I better get going and make sure I am not burning dinner.

Home Sweet Smoke-Free Home

I made it back in one piece! Jason set up my bookshelf and office chair so my office looks looking sweet now. I feel like I have a lot to catch up on around here.

I don't know how my blog got on a site called trashygossip.com. I think that is kinda funny. You better watch out with me and all my trash talk. ;-)

I went to work today. I have been dreading asking my boss about my schedule for the fall. If he approves it, I would be working about 18 hours a week while taking 10 credit hours. That is going to be a tough load, but I think I can do it. If he doesn't approve it, then I will do the teaching assistantship. I think I will find out tomorrow.

How come RAISEERROR doesn't set @@ERROR = to something other than zero when you raise the serverity level about 11. It just doesn't make sense. Argh,

Amy found out that they are extending her contract until December. I haven't talked to her about if she wants to stay here if she accepts the offer. Things are really complicated with me living in North Charlotte and Jason living in Gastonia. We have two nice houses that we both recently bought. And we both feel like we need to be home to take care of things.

My mom and Watson left this morning. It was really good seeing them. They are something else together, but I think my mom is happy.

Joel is set to leave Hawaii on August 2nd. I think he is going to go to Gainesville before he comes up here. I think we are both procrastinating on the state of affairs. He was supposed to move up here, but we have to see what will be the best for all of us . . .

I have a huge zit. I always break out when I change climates or stay somewhere unfamiliar for an extended amount of time. I wish I had a whole bunch of little cute zits like Jason so I could have the satisfaction of popping them. But no. I usually get those zits that are underneath the skin so far that you end up gouging a hole in your face before ever getting anything out of them. I am very happy he lets me pop his zits. It is like bubble wrap. And we all love bubble wrap.

I want to go on a weekend trip soon - to get away and relax. It was nice seeing family, but it is a little different than taking a vacation.

It is horribly hot today. I hope we can get the cat door in next weekend. I dislike air conditioning the garage.

Latest Comment . . . and Update

"Kim is right! Don't leave us hanging, girlfriend! We know what (who) is keeping you busy and away from your blog. We just want to know more about him. What the heck are you guys doing? Are you happy? Are you smiling? It's okay to tell us where you've been." -- Anonymous

Okay, I am not quite sure what I should do. See, Jason is a lot more private than I am about, well, everything. I would like to tell more, but things are new. I don't want to say anything that would make him uncomfortable. I gave him rights to post on my blog so maybe he will take the opportunity to introduce himself.

I just woke up from a nap. I love naps. Tony is downstairs picking peppers. (Peter Piper, I can't help but to think that every time that's said.) I can smell the spices.

I am taking a break from classes second summer, but I am working pretty much full time. Jason has been helping me a lot to get some of the things done around the house that I want done. Full time classes start mid-August, but I am not sure if I am going to keep working part time or just do the teaching assistantship. Amy is staying with me until the end of August, and she is a really nice girl. I have been working on a project for Wachovia through UNCC. The profs made a presentation on it last week and said it went well. I am not sure what that means. It could mean that they don't need Su and I anymore. Or it could mean that they have even more work for us. I want to post pictures of the house soon. However, I want to do some painting first. I don't really have much on the walls. I am trying to see if I can get in a trip to San Francisco at the beginning of August. I need to start planning soon. It is hard to figure out when the best time to talk to my boss about this stuff will be.

And, that's it for now. I leave Kentucky for home tomorrow.

Hugs,
Pam

Full Tummy

We went out to eat at an Argentine place tonight. It was good, but I am so full. I think a certain level of fustration is bound to happen when you get five people together for the day. Today was not an exception.

Muhammed sent me a picture of him and Lou today. I am not positive that it was Lou, but that made the most sense to me.

I kept falling asleep in the back seat of the car today. Classic Pam. A long road trip - meaning over half an hour - and I am out.

We went to the Maker's Mark Whiskey Bourbun Distillery today. I got to dip my own bottle. We also went to an antique shop today. I spent the whole time looking for Marilyn Monroe, Coca-Cola, NASCAR, old signs . . . I don't know much about antiques. What determines if something old is going to be considered antique versus junk?

I guess I have a lot on my mind tonight. I have a lot to do once I get home. But there is always more to do.

I am going to hang out with everyone a little before hitting the air mattress.

G'night.

Louisville, KY

Here I am. Kim chastised me for not updating my blog in a while. Mom and her boyfriend Watson (he actually goes by the nickname for Richard, but I can't bring myself to call him that) drove us to Kim and Tony's today. Boy, is he a grumpy driver. I definitely don't miss living around smoker's. I feel like I am going to live a year less than before just because of the 8 hour car ride up here.

So, I look out my back door and there was my next door neighbor Mr. Ferguson trimming my corkscrew willow. Jason makes fun of me because I always have random people coming into my life. I figure every friend was once a stranger, so I enjoy meeting new people. Muhammed, my 6'9'' muslim friend - Pete my 40 something English friend - a date with an occassion NFL football player - no roommate one day and Amy the next. A good ol' country boy with a massive NASCAR collection . . . it's all good. That is what we were put here for. God wanted us to be here for one another, not to glorify ourselves.

What is worse - having loved too many people or having slept with too many people? Say you have slept with 15 people and have loved them all - or you have never loved anyone before and slept with the same amount of people. Is there a difference between casual sex and casual love? This is just a generic thought.

I feel blah today - and fat. I need to have a mini diet after taking this trip. Kim and Tony are the epicurians of the family, so I know there is a lot of food in store for my near future.

Mom brought my bike and hammock from Florida so I am excited about that. I'll have to set them up when I get back home.

Ann is in Las Vegas starting her new life with Rick. Kenny is still dating Valerie last time I talked to him. Pedro and Jamie are getting married in November. Life goes on. It is amazing how much can change in such little time.

I am worried about my friend Chip. He is a kidney dialysis patient and has to live with his parents. He really wants to have a woman to share his life with, but it is hard to find someone who understands his situation. I wish I had the answer for him. I know how hard it is to be alone and how depressing things can get when you are in an unhappy situation. I hate feeling helpless and unable to make things better. All I can do is ask God to help because He can accomplish anything.

I enjoy reading my anonymous comments. You are always welcomed to introduce yourselves. I am just a friend you haven't met yet.

G'night.

Pam

Lunch Time

I didn't even check my e-mail once I got home last night. Very unlike me. I am at work right now on my lunch break. I imagine this work environment is a lot different than most people's work environments. Right now, I am in a cube farm. The lights are off in the office. No one is talking. I feel like it is nap time.

My mom is going to be coming up on Wednesday. I am a little disappointed that she doesn't want to spend more time in Charlotte, but I am glad she will at least get to see where I live. She is going to bring up my hammock and bike too.

I get off of work at 4:30 PM today. I was thinking about staying a little later, but I decided I rather go home. I might have to make an excursion from I-85 exit 46B to exit 20, so I may need the extra time. I won't like driving it during rush hour.

Scuro was sooo cute last night. She was all purring and cuddling with us. At one point, she found one of her mice and was playing with it in the bathroom. It was like she was a kitten again. Ra snorted all night, like usual.

I have cleaned up my office and garage, so I am feeling pretty organized right now. The next step is to paint some of those walls! Colors I have chosen so far: Calico, Sunwashed Clay, Bear Claw, Cracker Bitz, Almond Oil, and Oatmeal. I picked two greens for my bedroom, but I don't remember the names.

People keep saying how surprising it is that I keep a blog and "just put it all out there." Well, I guess I am not a very private person. However, I have to admit there are some things I don't share, mostly to protect other people. I'm me, and I'm okay with that.

I think I will have cookies for dessert.

:-Pam

Woman

Church was a little hard to swallow today. I do believe that a woman should serve her busband and raise her children. However, I don't think that means she can't have a career and that the husband should require her to be subservient.

Anyway, I don't really have much planned for today. My mom is coming later in the week, and I am going with her to Kentucky next weekend. Good thing Amy loves the cats; she is going to look after them while I am gone. I am not looking forward to the trip because I know my mom and her boyfriend are going to smoke along the way. I am almost tempted to just drive myself, but that would be a waste of money.

I am a little sleepy. Maybe I will take a little nap in the papasan chair. I need to check my work e-mail in a bit to see if Tanu responded to the work I did yesterday.

I think I am going to try to clean out the garage some today as well.

Home Life

I am done with work-work today. I am also done with school work. I need to clean up my office still. I didn't sleep very well last night. I cooked dinner yesterday. I made stuffed apple pork sausage pork chops, asparagus, and roasted potatoes. I also made a shephard's pie for later in the week.

I am about to move this bookshelf across the room in a minute, but I don't think I am going to be very successful at it.

(Later in the Day)

I salvaged the day pretty well. I cleaned up my office for the most part. It is almost in working order. I filed away all the paper work that I heaped up since I moved out of my old house. Muhammed came over and helped me move my bookshelf. He also fixed my lamp and speakers. He came over because he wanted to ask me questions about my favorite books - The Chronicles of Narnia. He is writing a paper on C.S. Lewis. I am excited that Disney is coming out with a movie. They better do a good job.

I ate the leftover pork chop for dinner today, so I still have a whole shephard's pie in the fridge. Where is Kim when you need her?

I wrote some pretty cool queries today. SQL programming is fun and relaxing. I bought a filing cabinet to match my desk and bookshelves. I also bought an office chair. My office is pretty well set up now. It probably won't get painted for a while though.

Amy and Dominque hung out here for a while. Amy is nice and her friend seems nice too. Although I am not used to having a roommate, it is kind of nice having someone else in the house. It gets lonely sometimes. And when someone else is in the house, you don't even have to be in the same room to feel not quite so alone.

Irony: Pam (Christian) and Muhammed (Muslim) were spinning a dradle earlier this evening. I thought that was funny. It was an old dradle that made its way to being a cat toy. I think I inherited it from Ryan's family. His mom's side of the family was Jewish. Sometimes Ra carries it around in his mouth.

I am going to bed soon because I want to make sure I get up in time to go to church. I missed it last week. I don't think it is a requirement to go to church, but I do think it is good for my soul.

Sweet dreams, everyone.

Deep Breath

Life is good. I have lots of friends who love me. I have two great cats. I have a nice house. God is good to me. I have money in the bank and plans for the future. I am sitting in my office looking at a peaceful backyard. I have food in the refridgerator. My mom is coming to see me. I am a good person. I have a lot of opportunities. Some think I am beautiful and some think I am smart. My work values me. My professors respect my education and accomplishments. I am getting along better with my family. I moved here all by myself and am doing well. There are people who value having me in their lives. I can make people laugh and smile. People value my opinion and advice. I am not doing anything bad on unethical. I want to make the world a better place. I have the freedom to do things other people might not be able to do. I'm getting my life organized. I don't want to be with someone who treats me badly anymore. I don't want to think about him anymore. I know I spent way too many months missing someone who didn't exist. Why bother? Just chalk it up to getting hurt by someone who didn't care enough about me. Just a waste of time. I am young. There are so many waterfalls to see. I am sitting in an air conditioned room in the summer time. The sun is shining. I have done well. Maybe I will try to make it to the gym today.

Pictures

Oh, here are some pictures from when Kenny came to visit.

Time in a Bottle

Seems like there is never enough time in a day. I am feeling pretty good today. I only work until 12:30 PM today, so I should be able to get some stuff done today. Here is my new work schedule:

Monday: 8:30 AM - 5:30 PM
Tuesday: 8:30 AM - 4 PM
Wednesday: 8:30 AM - 5:30 PM
Thursday: 8 AM - 5 PM (from home)
Friday: 8 AM - 12:30 PM (from home)

I am going to the chiropractor today and have a meeting on campus. I also have to get the plates changed on my car. I need to figure out where I have to go for that.

I am feeling a little anxious today. I am not quite sure why. I had everything going at an even keel (is that how it is spelled), and I guess I have all these things going on now that aren't completely under my control as to their outcome. I guess that is probably why I am a little anxious.

Blogs

We are now entering the land of blogs.

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.

1. the stories of a girl
2. Write on Right Now!
3. One Over-Caffeinated Mom
4. Blerg
5. Pam!

Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (Obviously no one is obligated to participate).

Muhammed Saboor
Pei_Jen Lin
Ryan Davis

(I don't know many bloggers!)

Then add your childhood memories.

1) I used to think the Flintstones lived in my mouth. That was how my mom got me to eat my vitamins.

2) I was a huge fan of breast feeding. I was actually talking and would say "mmm, Mommy" when I was hungry. My mom even bought me a pillow with breasts on it to try to ween me.

3) My dad loved playing Atari. He was really good at Space Invaders.

4) I had a white persian cat named Thomas. I also had a Sebastian. He was my black cat that I mostly grew up with. I love you Sebastian!

5) Kim and I used to play maniquin when we were bored at craft shows.

Cough, Cough, Cough

I was up coughing all night last night. I am glad I am working from home today.

Jason came over yesterday. He put together my coat rack (thanks for the suggestion) and hooked up my receiver and speakers. We ordered Chinese food for delivery and took a walk around the neighborhood.

Okay, back to work.

Blah

I am still sick. I am working from home today. It is kind of funny because I keep falling asleep. Then I will get an e-mail, my computer chimes and wakes me up.

I have 13 throw pillows in my living room. Isn't that awesome?

Amy (my new roomie) and I sat and talked for a while last night. You know all girls talk about are guys. And all guys talk about is sports. Funny how that works.

The replacement parts came in for my coat rack, so I am happy about that. I am going to get someone else to try to put it together this time because I don't think they will send me new parts again if I mess it up this time.

I am behind in laundry.

My thoughts are very fragmented today.

I need to call Tom.

Joel's birthday is coming up soon.

Since my desk is put together, I want to start organizing my office. I am going to buy a matching file cabinet.

Crazy, Beautiful World

Wow, a lot has happened since I last blogged. I have a roommate for two months. I got an A in my first class. I am going to drop the class I regsitered for this second half of the summer. I think I am going to focus on writing a paper with Dr. Prietula who just moved back to GA to teach at Emory. It is going to be a waste of time. I am seeing Jason. (Everyone else calls him Jay.) I am going to Kentucky with my mom and her boyfriend to see Kim and Tony in a few weeks. Kenny has a girlfriend. Ann has moved to Las Vegas. Joel is back in Hawaii. I have a cold and sound like a frog. I sold my old phone on eBay. I bought a cat door and a coat rack on eBay. I watched my first NASCAR race ever. I bought 4 dresses in the last 2 weeks. Pearl really needs a bath. And I am sleepy and need to go to bed.

So, how are my anonymous commenters doing?

I am catching up with my life and will get back with everyone soon.

Hugs,
Pam

Snores from an Orange Cat

Who all is out there? Sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like I isolate myself. I never want to be alone, but sometimes I can't deal with people.

There are some people that just make your blood pressure rise. Some of them are people you have to love, and you find yourself wondering why they have such an adverse affect on you.

I try to find reason for everything that has happened in my life. and all the people I have met. Art taught me that I didn't have to be heart broken when someone I didn't really love anyway hurts me. Tom taught me how to express my emotions. Ryan taught me self control. Jay taught me that I didn't have to sacrifice myself to love someone else. Jason taught me how bitterness and anger can ruin a person. David taught me how important it is for a guy's family to welcome you. Alex taught me that I crave love and protection. Kyle taught me how important it is to not talk in anger. Jim taught me that soemtimes you can't fix a person to reach their full potential. I haven't found any use from knowing Sean. I guess God will help me figure that out in the years to come. Jay/Jason (one guy, but different than the ones above), taught me to recognize the vulnerabilities and insecurities of others.

My closest relationships have always been with men. I have a few good female friends - Tausha, Liz, Felicia, Trang, Ann, Jessica, Kassie, Jamie, Melanie, Stephanie, Bonnie . . . My best friends are Joel, Dave, and Kenny.

I don't really have any point to all of this.

God loves me just the way I am. There are wonderfully beautiful things about me. There are other things that are signs that I am human. I am learning to realize that when other people put you down, it reflects more on their character than your own. I want to be known for who I am without having to be apologetic.

I have an impact on the lives of others just as they have an impact on mine. I have the power to hurt someone and change who they are forever. I have the power to save someone. It doesn't take much, just a few words. It is amazing how important one person in your life can be. And I can choose to be that person in someone else's life. We aren't trivial. In a sense, we are almost too powerful.

Kenny and I had ice cream and popcorn for dinner. I am such a bad hostess!

Kenny

Kenny is here! Muhammed drove me to pick Kenny up at the airport. Kenny and I went to Morton's and drove around down town (uptown). Then I made him look at paint chips with me. I am really glad he is here. He is a very positive force in my life. We get along really well, and we are very much alike. He just started seeing someone in Florida, and I am very happy for him. He is a great friend.

Muhammed took pictures of me in front of some reeds. I feel like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I have one of those zits that is deep within your nose. The kind you keep squeezing your nose hoping it will spurt out zit juice so it won't hurt so much. Then in doesn't for like three days after you first started squeezing it which just makes your nose even more swollen and red. Ugh.

Jason and I talked today. I think we resolved some things. I don't really want to talk about all that though.

We are going to church in the morning and hanging out. I think we are taking a mountain trip on Monday. I might get to see waterfalls!! Yay!!

Smilin', Dancin', Laughin' to Her Favorite Song

Jackie, Kassie and I went dancing tonight. I had fun and worked up a sweat. We only went out for about two hours which was enough for me. I am sleepy!

I think Muhammed is coming over in the morning. I told him I would pose for some pictures for his photography class. I also have to put my final portfolio together for class. I kicked butt in my first class at UNCC, yeh! Next week will be a little bit of a break before the next class starts.

Kenny flies in tomorrow at 4 PM. I am excited to see him. We talk often. I like hearing about his life. He is currently dating someone so we have been talking about that a lot. We will probably go somewhere nice on Saturday night then to church on Sunday. It would be cool to take a day trip to the mountains. Claude and one of his friends are also coming into town. They are going to crash here but pretty much do their own thing.

Ugh, I have to take care of some things this weekend. I can't forget:
1) Mail Jeanne her shoes
2) Call Mr. Matthews back
3) Make plans to get new license plate
4) Research health insurance coverage
5) Deposit checks
6) Clean litter box
7) Put together portfolio
8) Something else that I already forgot

I am spread a little thin right now, but things are going well. I have friends who care about me. They give me a hard time when I disappear in the books or at work,

Oh yeah
8) Work on UNCC project - due Tuesday!!

but I know it is because they care about me. I would probably feel worse if they didn't notice when I go MIA.

God, as I get older, I see the people around me with so much hurt in them. It makes them scared, defensive, stoic, and all sorts of things. It changes us when we are hurt, and we don't mean for it to. I just ask that you help us all to heal. I ask that you take care of us and remind us that there are good people out there who do believe in us and won't hurt us. Through Jesus Christ, I ask this, Amen.

Finished

12:03 AM. My presentation and paper are finished. I had a banana split for dinner. Good night.

Yay

Okay, 23 1/2 hours before my class, I found the qualitative research article that I am going to analyze, write a paper on, and present! I'm not worried.

Anyway, what is with men? Do they really think that you don't want them to bother you when you are busy - even if it is to discuss something important? Or is it just a method of avoidance? Or apathy? I don't understand.

I got a coat rack in the mail today that I got off of eBay. I like it, but I am having trouble screwing the circle thingy to the leg thingies. God may have made humans in His image, but some things he left out. Jesus, I wish I were a carpenter!

Off to analyzing . . .

I Love Juicy Juice

I actually came to the end of a thing of dental floss. That rarely happens. I am very sleepy tonight. I need to find an article to write a paper and come up with a presentation for Thursday. Ugh.

Joel called today; he had his cell phone reactivated since he is back from Afghanistan. It was good to hear his voice. I bet he is really nervous that the four years in the military are coming to an end.

One thing I have realized about myself is that I like change. I like looking forward to something new happening.

Yeah, I am not really coming up with much to write tonight.

Sweet dreams,
Pam

Non-Stop

I woke up this morning and went to work. I stayed up way too late last night. I had a bit of a tif with someone at work, but nothing that is a big deal. I came home. Su came over, and we worked on our project. Meanwhile, my phone was ringing off the hook. By the time we were done with our work, I had 6 voicemail. Pete, Kass, Jess, Kirk, Darryl, and I went to Rock Bottom and hung out for a while. I told them that they won't see me again until Thursday night. I have a paper to write tomorrow and the next day.

I am very sleepy and about to go to bed. I can't wait to cuddle with the kitties. I have another busy day tomorrow.

Hugs,
Pam

Banana Split

I had a banana split for dinner today. Muhammed and Pete came over bearing ice cream. We sat and chatted for a little while. There are so many awesome people in this world. I need to make more time in my life so I can just treasure them.

I am up past my bedtime. I just wanted to say good night. Weekends are way too short.

Joel is back in Hawaii now. I missed his phone call today. I am glad that he is back in the states though.

Kenny is flying in on Friday night.

My class is over after this week. I have one more presentation to do along with a paper. I am going to spend Wednesday night working on that. I need to decide what I am going to do about work soon.

Don't Even Know Who I am

"That which we obtain too lightly, we esteem too cheap."

I don't believe that self-confidence exists. I mean, if someone who has nothing going for him can be confident while someone who has everything going for them can hate themselves, it doesn't make any sense. It has no correlation to actually how good or bad someone actually is. I think we all try to find ways to justify ourselves, to prove we are better than at least someone else.

How come everything God teaches us is contrary to what this world teaches us? Instead of seeing ourselves as the worst sinner there is, we can always point fingers to say that person is worse than us? How come instead of building people up, we feel the need to tell them how they could be better? Couldn't we all be better?

I am taking a class with a bunch of teachers, and they keep saying over and over again how the research says the most effective teachers are the ones who praise their children. They are the ones who make a difference. How often do we believe in ourselves enough to praise someone else. I was raised in an environment where everyone is trying to improve you instead of just loving you. I know that I have some of that in me myself. I don't want to be like that. I know that I am not a good enough person to have someone tell me what is wrong with me without trying to point out something that is wrong with them. We all get so defensive.

But how do you turn it all around by yourself? I mean, if you are the first person to admit your faults, a lot of times the other person is just the first to agree with you. How do you just focus on the positive thing about one another? How do you get two or more people to do that at once?

I don't want to change the world. I just want to change my personal interactions with others. I am not the bigger or better person. I am just me.

Friday Night

Friday nights have turned into my time to vege with the cats. This week was pretty hectic. I am glad that my back is feeling better. I have another chiropractor's appointment next week. I had a laser hair removal treatment this past Thursday. I am excited. As some of you out there may know, I am not the best at remembering to shave all the time.

I am getting an oil change for my car tomorrow. I am also getting together with some friends for a pot luck BBQ. That should be fun. I haven't had much time to be social the past two weeks.

I watched the Wedding Singer on TV tonight. That is one of my favorite movies. I have bought the sound tracks about three times, but they always seem to end up with my ex-boyfriends. Erg.

Kenny is going to come visit next weekend. I am excited to see him. I remember we had gone through some rocky times when I thought I would lose his friendship, but I think we have become closer since then. It is nice to have someone to talk to. I think it helps him to talk to me about things too. He just met a girl I think he really likes, so I am happy for him.

My Qualitative Research Methods class is almost over. I have two more papers and a presentation to go.

Well, I am being boring today, so I guess I will get to bed - or couch. I think couch tonight.

Thursday Working from Home

Here is my current schedule:

M: work 8:30 AM - 5:30 PM
T: work from home 8 AM - 3:30 PM, UNCC project 3:30 PM - 4:30 PM, class 5 PM - 8 PM
W: work 8:30 AM - 3 PM
R: work from home 8 AM - 3:30 PM, class 5 PM - 8 PM
F: work 8:30 AM - 5:30 PM

Anyway, that is what has been keeping me busy. I sold my old phone on eBay under Kim's account. I got $175 for it which is $100 more than I would have gotten from Sprint, so I am happy.

Right now, I am multitasking. It takes a while for the code to compile and run so I get a little bored waiting. I was up past 1 AM this morning writing an analysis of an interview for my qualitative research class. The paper isn't great; there is a lot more I could do. However, I just didn't have the time.

Cats are fed. I am sleepy. Back to work.

Another One Bites the Dust

I am home in between work and school. I have to transcribe the rest of an interview tonight. I am hoping my teacher postpones our paper from being due tomorrow to next time we meet (Tuesday). I have too much to do right now.

I am a little down today. I miss hanging out with people I know whjo love me for who I am. I have some good friends here, but I haven't known any of them for very long. For instance, I know that Kenny thinks I am wonderful the way I am. So does Joel and Dave and Lizzy. Over the years, you tend to cherish the friends who have stuck around more and more.

I better get ready for class.

Hugs,
Pam

Hermit the Pam

Some of my friends here have officially renamed me as the "hermit." I have been so busy with work, school, and other stuff that it has been hard to make time to get out. Oh, and the few days of being knocked out by pain medicine weren't very productive for me.

I think I am seeing someone. That sounds really weird. I am not going to say anything for certain because I want to see how things go. However, I felt I needed to mention it because that has been on my mind for the last week or so.

I am working from home tomorrow, so I am being a little bummy about getting everything ready for class tomorrow. I will be able to take care of it during lunch.

Sleepy, g'night.

Tummy Ache

I just came back from Carrabba's and a movie. I went to see Madagascar. It was pretty funny. I enjoyed that they thre in dialogue that included the words "monochromatic" and "quadropod." However, it is late now, and I am getting sleepy. I have quite a bit to do tomorrow so I think I will get to bed and wake up early. I haven't made it to church for a few weeks, so I am going to make a point of going this time.

Jason came over last night, and we rented some movies. I really didn't feel up to going out. We watched Troy which was pretty good. We had dinner at this Chinese restaurant down the street called the House of Leng. Somehow I got stuck with all the leftovers!

I wrote a paper for class today and also did a last minute interview. We have to interview someone for 30 minutes and write a paper about emerging themes. I picked my friend Muhammed because he loves to talk and has had a very interesting life. In fact, I think the interview actually ended up being about 45 minutes long.

My house is clean, and the luandry is done. There seems to be two bottlenecks in my system 1) Getting the clothes from the washer to the dryer and 2) Folding the clothes once they come out of the dryer. One results in smelly clothes, and the other produces wrinkled clothes. I think I prefer wrinkled over smelly.

I am maxed out with furniture in my living room. I really want to get to painting the walls soon. I think I found good colors for my room, but I am still debating about the livingroom.

I don't like on-line dating. There are too many guys. I can't date all of them. I meet people, and they seem nice, but it is too hard to keep in touch sometimes. I am really busy right now, so I am looking for something that just works. Not sure if I explained that right. I don't want to travel long distance to be with someone. I don't want someone to push me into something I am not ready for. I don't want to feel like I have to call or write someone back. I just don't want to feel stressed or pressured. Not exactly sure what I am trying to get at here.

I am axious to start fall classes because I think it will give me a better idea of the next few years. The class I am taking now isn't required for my PhD. I am actually the only IT person in the class. I didn't realize how analytical I have become since I usually hang out with pretty analytical people. Get me in a room full of elementary and middle school teachers, and I am a fish out of water. It is interesting though.

Must get some sleep. Until later.

PS - Dave, I miss you! Sorry I have been a bum and haven't called you lately. Yeah, I did have to go to the doctor about my back, but I am feeling better now. I think I need to bring a pillow in to work with me.

Hugs,
Pam

I'm Broken

The day before yesterday, my back really started to bother me. Shooting sharp pains down my back and everything. I stayed home from work/school yesterday. I am going to work from home some today. I have pain killers and muscle relaxers so I am kinda groggy. It has been nice to take it easy, but I still have a lot of things that need to get done.

I Love Chocum Milk

I am really not in the mood to do work today. Sigh. I have almost decided to do the TAship instead of working part time in the fall. I know that it would pay half as much, but I also think that it would give me more time. Time is the most precious thing right now. I am young, and I need to enjoy my life. I have worked hard my whole life. Working hard doesn't make you happy. It is still hard to give up something that I like and feel is a formidable thing to do.

It was kind of weird how Tony's last posts were kind of reflective and a little sad. I read Kim and Tony's blog, and sometimes it makes me sad. I read about all the things they are exploring together. It isn't like this lone trip that I am partaking. I guess everyone has their ups and downs.

I need to plan for my week so I can make sure to get everything done in a reasonable fashion.

I posted some pictures of Kassie and I on my Yahoo photo albums.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/pamela_j_karr/my_photos

The chair doesn't match

But, it is very comfy. It looks huge, but maybe if I cover it to match my motif, it won't be so bad.

Kevin helped me pick up the chair today. We went to Red Brick Pizza for lunch. Then we went hiking at Lake Norman. I met him on a roommate matching site when I first moved up here. He is a nice guy. He is a 28 year old Arhitect who graduated from Virginia Tech. He put up with me all day today, so that says a lot for him!!

I want to go to church tomorrow, but I need to prepare a presentation and write a paper. I am thinking I will have to skip it because it is already 11 PM. I am going to play catch up this week and hopefully get back on track.

Mr. Matthews and Mr. Ferguson, two older gentlemen in my neighborhood, stopped by today to check on me today. I think I have been adopted as the young, single girl in the neighborhood.

I better get to bed so I can get everything done tomorrow.

So Much But So Little

I put an ad up on Yahoo Personals a few weeks ago. So I was looking at the billing information trying to figure out how to cancel the recurring billing. I looked at my payment history. I had signed up for the service once before, but it jolted me when I saw the billing date. My credit card was charged the first time on 5/17/03. The second time, it was charged on 5/18/05. Shear coincidence, but it made me realize so much has happened . . . and not happened in the last two years.

I feel like one of those people who are always held to a higher standard. If I screw up, it never goes unnoticed. If I make a mistake, I don't get a second chance to make things right. So it creates this huge stress of having to be perfect all the time which makes me even more flawed. Sometimes when you are trying to prove to people you aren't something, you almost become that because you are afraid they are right.

Jessica, Kassie, and I went to see the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It was a really good movie, and all three of us ended up crying. Chick flick.

I don't want anyone but Sean. I know he is probably with someone else right now. I know he didn't treat me right in the end. I know God made things happen the way they did for a reason. But it is still hard when I have nightmares about Sean probably at least once a week. I had gotten to the point where I believed that we were really going to spend our lives together. And I was happy. It is hard to forget that.

God knows I am trying to move on. I have always been great at moving on. Pam always finds a new boyfriend. I mean, it might not have always been the best situation, but it never failed that I could at least love someone even if I wasn't in love. It is different this time. So to me, that means that it must mean something. I just don't know what.

It probably isn't wise for me to write all this personal stuff and display it on-line. I am going to scare off all the guys I meet when they read this. :-) Whatever. One of the things I love about myself is that I am always me. I can't hide it and can't be anything but real.

Sometimes I think people think I am crazy because I express my emotions. We have all been a mess at one point in our lives. I just happen to admit it! However, the norm is to hide it. Stoic. I will never be stoic. I talked to a counselor once who said the people who are treating like there is something wrong with them and are open to examining themselves can often be the biggest messes but also the most sane of the bunch. I think it is healthy to admit when you are scared, sad, angry, stressed, happy, or whatever. Sometimes I don't have an answer. Sometimes I need to ask for help. Sometimes I forget to believe in myself and try to listen to others instead of being true to myself. Now that is when I have the most trouble! It isn't because they have bad advice, but it is because they simply aren't me. I have to be me because when I try to be something else, I will always fail.

I know that I say it is hard for me to trust people, but maybe that is a misconception. I think I might trust everyone. I want to believe in the good in people. I want to believe that John really meant when he said he was sorry and that he loved me in the right way. I want to believe that there is hope for salvation of this world. I want to believe that there will always be someone to turn to in times of need. I want to believe that all my ex-boyfriends speak well of me and think about me on occasion. I want to believe that everyone cares as much as I do. I can't believe anything else. I won't believe that evil has consumed this world. I won't believe that anyone is truly apathetic. I won't believe that anyone of us is excluded from redemption.

I hate when I am told that I am idealistic. If more people were idealistic, then maybe it would be realistic instead. True love only exists when you believe in it. Change can only occur when you make it. If more people refused to settle then maybe we would all be better off.

Please God, show me the good in this world. I am reminded every day of the bad. Please make everything right in the end. We all suffer in so many ways. Please take away the hurt and replace it with love, hope, and joy. We cannot do it on our own. Through Jesus, Amen.

Shore Acres Update

Hi Pam,God Bless, Haven't forgotten you, but the computer as a whole has suffered neglect!.

Bringing you up to date on the neighborhood human landscape which has changed almost as much as the physical landscape. We are still at Bayou Grande; building materials slowdown. Stephanie sold her house and is across with Dale. Your house is history as is the one next door to us which you may have witnessed before you departed. Our house closes next Wed., June 8th. Will be renters for a SHORT while, I trust. The people next door to me are gone as are the people next door to them. The house three down, and on it goes has changed hands for a couple of guys, ugh to live there while their new house is being built. You have heard of the game of musical chairs, This is the game of Musical Houses! What is transpiring in your life right now! Did you find a church group you like to fellowship with?

Mary

Procrastination at Its Finest

Ann and Jeanne left today. We had a fun weekend, but I did get a little estrogen overdosed. I am not used to hanging out and being so girly for such long periods of time. We pretty much ate, talked, got pedicures, shopped, ate, talked, shopped, watched chick flicks, and talked. Jeanne just went through a really bad break up, and I can relate. She sounds exactly like I did 6 months ago. I guess the only difference was that it sounds like her boyfriend was a jerk the whole time they were together, and Sean was a jerk in the way he left. I am not sure which one is better. I wish I could say that I was unhappy and am glad he is gone because he treated me like crap.

Tom e-mailed me to tell me that he is engaged. He was my first real boyfriend from highschool. I am very happy for him. I would post the picture he sent me, but my computer is acting funky. I get a cyclical redundancy check every time I open photoshop. If only I paid more attention in Telecom I instead of to the teacher . . .

I have a two page paper to write and a whole crap load of other stuff to do. I procrastinated after dropping them off at the airport. I needed a dose of male companionship, so I met my friend Kevin at the mall. I bought throw pillows for the couch and a print server (which I have eanted to get for about two years now).

I have to actually read 2-3 chapters before writing this paper, so I guess I better get to it!

Pam

Ann and Jeanne

Ann and Jeanne flew in today. Jeanne and I have a lot in common so we are all getting along really well. I think Ann is getting a little annoyed since she has a boyfriend. We have been trying to figure out our ex's.

They are taking power naps right now. I should also take one. And if I don't take one, I should do my homework for my class. I am a little in over my head right now, but I think I will be okay if I can just ride out this week. I am going to see if there are any live bands playing tonight . . .

Yuck

Tough Day . . .

8 AM - 3 PM: Work
3 PM - 5 PM: Project (UNCC) meeting with professors
5PM - 8 PM: Class (Qualitative Research Methods)
8 PM - 9 PM: Dinner (Subway, Darn - I forgot to get them to stamp my card)
9 PM - 10:30PM: Work

I am off to bed!

Pam

In Someone Else's Shoes

I have decided that you can never judge someone if you have never been where they are in live. For instance, I have never had three kids, so I can't say that my sister Lisa has it easier or harder than someone who works all the time. And no one can give me advice on being single if they have never really been single before.

Not sure why that came up. I worked a little late today, and I came straight home to meet for a research project I am working on. I am working from home tomorrow, and my first class starts at 5 PM tomorrow. I am kind of excited and kind of nervous.

I will be working from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays since it will be easier to make it to class. It is really cool that my work was flexible enough to allow that.

I think Samford and Sons is on, but I am not quite sure.

Ann is coming to visit this weekend, so I need to clean up the house some. I am looking forward to the 3 day weekend!

Pam

Never Thought That Would Happen . . .

I accidentally went on a date with an NFL football player tonight. He was nice, but that was completely unexpected. I told him how great I was at flag football. :-) I am sure that impressed him. I think I also accidentally called him retarded, but it was completely unintentional.

I am IMing with Joel right now who is still in Afghanistan. Scuro is mashing me which is making all of this a little bit harder.

It is pretty late. We just finished watching 12 Angry Men. That movie was awesome. However, I need to get some sleep before getting up for church in the morning.

Jason came over earlier today, and we hung out. We had ice cream from Cold Stone's. Yummy Cheescake ice cream with graham cracker pie crust, strawberries, and blueberries. Scott and I had dinner at Chili's. I need to go to the gym tomorrow.

Yawn!

Well, that is enough about the adventures of Pam for today!

Sunrise, Sunrise - Like Morning in Your Eyes

I have been a busy girl. I went to Center City after Five with some friends and saw a live band on Thursday. Last night I just vegged at home. I worked until about 7:15 PM. Today, I have a meeting with Su, another PhD student at UNCC. He and I are doing a project for the university. At 2 PM is a neighborhood pool party. I told Jason he should come with me because I know it is just going to be me and a bunch of couples. This is definitely a family oriented neighborhood!

I need to get on the ball and make Bryan a thank you dinner for doing such an awesome job watching the cats. I also need to stop by Ashley furniture and decide which bedroom suite I want to exchange my chair and a half for. I have a lot to do!

I still need to put together my desk and bookshelves. I need to start organizing things to make sure they get done. My summer class starts on Tuesday. I got $7K in student loans for summer school financial aid. I don't really need it, but they are cheap loans so why not?

Charlotte isn't small, but it is a small world! When I was downtown on Thursday, I saw a guy I had chatted with on-line. So, me being who I am, I walked right up to him and asked him if he was who I thought he was . . . and he was! He remembered who I was too. I thought that was funny, but then even more coincidental things happened. I went home that night and ANOTHER guy I was chatting with sent me a message saying "I saw you tonight at the concert, and you are cute." Hilarious. Then, I was browsing some profiles, and I came across a picture that I HAD TAKEN. I was like, dude! I opened up the ad, and it was a guy I had interned with at Home Depot two years ago. Funny.

Since I am not a bar girl, I am very thankful for the internet. I have met tons of people - almost too many. It is hard to make sure to keep in touch with everyone.

But, I still love my friends back in Tampa Bay. Hey guys!

Sure, I'll Call You to Let You Know I Got Home Safely

Okay, so I didn't call anybody once my plane landed. Is that really surprising? I never do, and I warned them. I had a great time in Tampa. I got to see Kenny, Lizzie, Felicia, Melanie, Adam, Ann, Marlena, Pedro, Jamie, Clint, Liz, and Kayla. Am I missing anyone? I might be because I am pretty tired right now.

Bryan did a great job watching the cats. They were still alive when I got home. I am about to go to bed so I can attempt to get up in time for work tomorrow.

I have to admit that I actually watched the finale of the bachelor. I thought he was going to pick the ditzy overly complimentary chick, but he chose the more serious and cautious chick. There is hope for me yet!

I am very thankful for all of my friends and everything else that I have in my life. I can't complain that I am missing anything . . . except that one thing. I am sure things will work themselves out with God's help. I have realized that it isn't about being perfect so someone will love me. It is about being me. I mean, look at how many very imperfect people out there are happily married!

I digress - well, not really since I wasn't talking about anything specific. Classes start soon. I am getting a little anxious about that. I want to start getting my house in shape. I am excited about Ann visiting, but I am worried that she won't like my house. I know, I know, I am paranoid.

There is scum in my pond. Would it be rude to ask my neighbor to clean it?

I'm liking me better lately. I think the fresh start is helping. There isn't anyone to remind me of things I have screwed up or at least they thought I screwed up. In general, everyone who meets me thinks I am pretty cool. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. They just meet me and accept me. It's great!

Sleepy time. Everyone has Star Wars plans but me. Anyone want to go?

Darn CSS Float Property

I fixed the pesky problem with my template. IE used to handle CSS better than Netscape, but it looks like that has changed! Enough techie talk . . .

My couches come in tomorrow. I am still not sure if I am going to like them or not. I will have to see when they get here. If I am not in love with them, that's okay. I just don't want them to look really awful. My bookcases for the office arrived today. I still haven't put together my desk. I guess I should get the bookcases from the front door and at least move them inside!

I was supposed to go to yoga today, but I ended up staying late at work. We are rolling out another application on Monday, and I have to make sure I have everything done before I leave on Friday.

I want to find someone to go dancing with. I have never been to a country dance club. I want to try to line dance! I know, I know, I am such a geek.

I want to plan a camping trip soon before it gets too hot and after it warms up a little. I guess we are kinda in the rainy season right now. The radio was talking about the upcoming hurricane season. I can't believe that is here again. I guess it has been 8 months since my house flooded. I can't believe how time flies. That is so freaky!

I need to call some people in Tampa tomorrow and see if we can get together. I want to make sure I keep in touch with all my friends. People are not insignificant. It is important to try to show them that.

New Template

Kim said that you guys had to scroll down to see my other blog template. Since my resolution is defaulted to "insanely high," it showed up just fine on my laptop. However, just for you, I decided to change the template. Is this one any better?

I need to get to bed soon. I just wanted to say hello really quickly. I am sorry (blanket) to my friends that I haven't had a chance to catch up with lately. I am not trying to blow anyone off. I have been really busy, and it is hard to keep in touch like I should sometimes. Just know I still love you and will eventually call, e-mail, or see you soon!

We practiced flag football at Freedom Park today. I think practicing is a lot more fun than playing! I went to the gym with a girl from work. Tomorrow is our next flag football game. Hopefully the practicing will pay off. I heard the tram we play tomorrow is really bad so maybe we have a chance!!

There is a guy at work that would be perfect for me except for the fact that he is married. Maybe he has a brother or a friend that is like him . . . hmmmm.

Why is it so hard to keep guy friends? It is almost like when you get to start really enjoying spending time with a guy, he starts to hit on you. Then you have to manage your time with his so you can just stay friends. You would like to spend more time with some guys but you know if you do, you will have to have some kind of awkward talk where you ultimately end up losing a friend anyway. Obviously, I am not opposed to having a romantic relationship, but I am very wary of having one. I think it will have to sneak up on me. I will just have to be so interested in a guy that there is no way I could resist. I don't think it is going to happen with me knowing that it is happening - it will be unexpected and natural. I just don't think I have it in me to get into another relationship deliberately.

Anyhow, I have pear in my teeth. That was my dinner - along with a glass of chocolate milk. Yummy.

I am going to write down my prayers for the night and get some sleep.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Not a very eventful day. I went to church this morning. Joel sent me a sweet Mother's Day wish (for the cats). Stacey, a guy from church, and his brother-in-law came over. They are going to help me try to get a cat door in between the garage and the house. I took a nap. I did a little work. Man, what took up the majority of my day? Oh well, at least I am rested.

I still need to get my desk put together. I am not in a huge hurry though. I am anxious to get the chair and the couches in the house. It would be nice to have some furniture to fill up the house.

I called my mom for mother's day, and we talked for a while. She and her boyfriend want to come up and visit close to a USC game so he can see Spurrier in action.

I guess I better head to bed. Sweet dreams.

Lazy Saturday

I had a pretty lazy day today. I guess I needed to catch up on my sleep because I fell asleep last night around 8 or 9 PM and slept through the entire night. I woke up aorund 9 AM when Kenny called me. I had lunch with a guy named Kevin. I met him on a roommate finder website when I was trying to find a room to rent before I closed on my house. We went to lunch and walked around for a little while. At 3 PM, I went to the park with the singles group at my church. We played frisbee golf and had a picnic. After that, I just came home and was lazy. Maybe I am getting a little sick because I have been kinda eh all day.

Ann is going to come visit Memorial Day weekend. Kenny is going to come visit in June, and Liz is going to come visit in July. Now I have to see when everyone else is going to be able to come up and see me! I am going to Tampa for the weekend next weekend. I am excited to be going back for a visit. I won't have a car, so I will be at the mercy of whoever wants to come see me and drive me around. Ah, reminds me of high school.

Ohhh, cool news. I saw a trailer today (why do they call it that when it comes out BEFORE a movie?) for the Chronicles of Narnia. Disney is doing them. I am very excited. They did a really hokey version a while back, but maybe the Disney version will be better.

I have to work some tomorrow. Bleh. I am also going to go to church in the morning. I think I might be having lunch with a friend named Chad. Jason might come over in the evening to help me put together my desk. That has been our Sunday night ritual. He comes over, I make a late late dinner, he helps me out with the house, he goes home, and we both wake up way tired for work on Monday morning.

The people in the singles group are a lot older than I am mostly. I had fun though. They seem like a great group of people.

I have some pictures to upload, but I am too lazy to do it right now.

Hugs,
Pam

Way Down Yonder . . .

I just came back from the Alan Jackson concert. It was good. He isn't one of my favorite singers, but he does have some good songs. The cats are creatures of habit. They jumped up on the bed and fell asleep the minute I climbed into bed and opened my laptop. I guess that means I am a creature of habit as well. I better check my alarm clock to make sure it is set. It is getting late so I won't be waking up on my own in the morning. On that note, I better get to bed.

Woo Hoo, I got a work laptop

The good news is that I got a work laptop so I won't have to lug around my desk top anymore. The bad news is that means I will probably be taking a little more work home with me. I think I am going to try to work part time there during the school year. I really like it there, and it should make more money than being a teaching assistant. Eventually, I do want to get the teaching experience though. I know once I started focusing on publishing, I will have to devote all my attention to that.

I got hit on at the gym today. He said I was very beautiful and looked like a professional at yoga. I am probably one of the more advanced people in the class, but I am definitely not a professional. I really like pilates and yoga. I don't have to be coordinated or anything!

One of my neighbors called offerring to help me install my cat door. I think I will call him back and take him up on the offer. I know it isn't good to just keep the garage door open all the time. The bad thing is I don't quite remember which neighbor it is who called me to help. I will have to look up and see if I recognize the numbers I wrote down. People here are really nice. It is amazing.

Bryan F. - You are working too hard! Let's go to a movie or something. You can't keep getting off of conference calls at 10 at night. I know you are a hard worker, but make sure you make a little time to relax (says the pot calling the kettle black).

Ann might come visit me Memorial Day weekend! Woo hoo. That is exciting. I really need help decorating this place. I am a little worried that she won't like what I have done already! Girls are a lot more picky than guys!

There is a really cute guy who works at my gym. He works Monday nights - gives me good motivation to make it to the pilates class. :-)

Jay - Just wanted you to know I miss hanging out with you. I am sorry that things can't be simple, and we can't just hang out and have fun. There are trials to hike, waterfalls to hike to, and lighthouses to see.

Liz might come visit on her way to see her mom, but I am not sure when that will be. Also, Kenny is going to come see the Dave Matthews Band concert with me. I think I already mentioned that. I will be going back to Tampa for the weekend (not this weekend but the next).

I am working from home tomorrow. I have a dr. appt and a meeting on campus with some professors. For those of you who pray, say a prayer for me. I have to go in for a second woman check-up this year (great!), and I want to make sure everything comes back normal this time. Yeah, I know TMI . . . and Pete said that I have lots of walls!

Sorry for the stream of consciousness that I have going tonight. Faulkner would be proud . . . except I am using a bit much punctuation.

Sleep well everyone!

Pam

Sleepy

I am really sleepy, but I can't quite go to sleep yet because I have to wind down from flag football. I am excited because I found the desk collection I am going to get. I like it!

I guess I am feeling a little disconnected lately. I have a lot of friends, but it would be nice to have someone who is even closer than that. Maybe my heart has been broken one too many times, but I just feel like I can't really fall in love anymore. It is like I am just not capable. Hopefully I am wrong.

I changed teams again today at work. I posted some pictures of me and my teammates under my Yahoo photo albums. I am too lazy to provide a link right now.

Anyone out there loving me?

DMV - not too bad

I went to the DMV today to get the form to take to the optomitrist (sp?). However, they had me take the NC eye exam, and I passed. Scary! So since I passed that step, I had to take the written driving test of which I never even opened up a book to study. And I passed! Scary again! Then I had to get my picture taken for my license. Luckily, it turned out okay even though I hadn't planned on having a picture taken today. So that was my adventure today. Now I have to figure out how to get my tag changed.

I should probably take a change of clothes with me tomorrow since I will probably have to play flag football.

Kudos to my friend Jason!! He came over yesterday and helped me move the table I bought from the girl I sublet the apartment from. He also fixed my cabinet handles and installed a new shower head. He even let me drag him to Target so I could go shopping for bathroom accessories. Jason, you are so cool!

I will miss my current job once school starts, but hopefully I can keep in touch with them and work when I have the availability.

Kenny is going to come visit me in June and take me to the Dave Matthews concert. I am going to the Alan Jackson concert on Thursday with my friend Bert from work.

They did a great two part series about Heaven and Hell at church. I recommend listening.

Hugs,
Pam

Bug or no bug, I am going to bed!

I just spent the last 4-5 hours trying to debug a program I am working on at work. Nope, didn't get it. Oh well, maybe I will come up with a solution in my sleep.

I did get a manicure, pedicure, and eyebrow wax today with my friend Jessica. I also bought my first toe ring ever! I know you are excited . . .



I went around the neighborhood this morning saying hi to my neighbors because there was a neighborhood garage sale. Everyone seemed very surprised that I didn't have a husband and kids. Well, that was a little depressing. However, I did get some good offers for lending out husbands for handy work.

I went to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert with the singles group at church on Friday night. The concert was really great. The best part was looking around at all the families praising the Lord together. There was a couple in front of me who was about my age who had a daughter who was about 5. The dad had the little kid on his shoulders, and they were dancing to the music. with the mom's arm around his waist. Wow, that is perfection. Who cares about money, fame, success, material possessions - that is what I want.



I better get some sleep. The weekends seem to short. Things are going well, but I have this slight feeling of discontent . . . like I am just waiting. I am in a stage where it hasn't come, I don't know when it is going to get here or exactly what it is, and it will be the biggest and best thing that could ever happen.

What is my purpose?

I'm doing just fine, but I feel like I am not living up to my potential. I am meant for something more than this, but I don't know how to get there.

I am sleepy.

42

There is a Dave Matthews concert coming into town that I know someone who would love to go to it. However, I don't know where he is now since we lost touch. Just thought I would mention it.

Flag football was canceled today because it was a little rainy. I cleaned up the house. For the first time in my life, I got my hair re-cut. I was unhappy with my $30 hair cut, so I went and got it cut somewhere else for $13. The girl was really nice, and I am much happier with it now. We exchanged numbers because she is close to my age. It is cool; maybe I made a new friend.

I am listening to Norah Jones playing on my DVD player (since I don't have a CD player). I am going to go to bed soon so I am not sleepy tomorrow. I got approved to work from home on Monday so I can attend a meeting with some professors on campus.

On Friday, I am going to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert with the singles group at church. On Sunday, I am going to church then I am going to hang out with some of my girl friends. I think it is next Friday that I am going to go to the Alan Jackson concert.

I need to go to Home Depot tomorrow. Maybe I can make it before yoga.

Couch and Love Seat

I bought a couch and love seat today. I am a little worried that I won't like them once they get to my house. They kind of match Ra. Man, he is such a happy cat. He is sitting on my lap right now, looking up at me with closed eyes, and just purring his little heart out. Moments like these are worth cleaning a litter box.

My work really likes me. I talked to my boss today about my availability, and he said "sure, whenever you can get the time to work. We need good people." So unless something goes wrong, I should always be able to have work when I need it. I like it there. The people are really nice, and it is kinda fun.

I am going to be in Tampa the weekend of May 15th. I am going to fly in so I am really excited to be able to go back and see my friends. The only problem is that I won't have transportation since I will be flying. Kenny was sweet enough to even say that he would have let me borrow one of his cars had I known how to drive a stick . . . and he has ridden with me before!

Well, I missed going to the gym because I was off buying furniture. I told myself I was going to put in the pilates video when I got home so I better be true to my word.

Hugs,
Pam

Windy Sunday

I went to church this morning then furniture shopping with Jessica. I bought a really expensive chair (actually a chair and a half is what they call it). I really hope that it is going to look good in my livingroom. I also found a couch that I like. I am going to go by the store and buy it tomorrow.

We bought a cabinet that goes behind the toilet. It had to have taken hours for us to put that stupid thing together. The cabinet doors are uneven, and we couldn't find the screws to put on the cabinet handles. I am going to coax Jason to come over sometime this week to help fix it. I think I can convince him by cooking dinner. Men are pretty easy to impress. Good thing I know how to cook!

I have work tomorrow. The weekend seemed really short, but I did enjoy it. I made a lot of new friends. Muhammed is sooo funny. He is 6'9''! Jackie, Jessica, and some other girls and I are going to have a girl's night out next Sunday.

I have pilates tomorrow night. I wish there were a gym closer to my house. Once classes start, I am going to check out the gym on campus. It is really nice, but I don't know how crowded it will be. And once I am a student the membership at Peak Fitness is only $25/month. We'll see.

Ra is being cute and cuddly at the end of the bed. Scuro is probably loafing somewhere upstairs.

I don't want to take pictures of my house until I get some more furniture and paint. Woo hoo!

I miss my friends in Florida. Ann just got a miniature pincher. Kenny calls me a lot which makes me feel good. Although I am a little jealous of Pedro and Jamie, I am very happy that they found each other and are getting married. I wonder how everyone is doing. It is hard to keep tabs on everyone with everything that has been going on.

Just know I love you!

Pam

Pam Spam

Okay, I got some off-line feedback from Bryan about my Blog. He said that it seemed like I attributed too much to God and not enough to my friends. It some ways I disagree because I think God has brought all these great people into my life. However, I do agree that I need to let the people I love know how much they mean to me. Here is a short list:

1) Tausha - She has been a good friend of mine since 4th grade (maybe 5th). Although we have grown apart over the years, she has still always been there for me. She rode with me to Gainesville when I went to live with Lisa. During some of the hardest times in my life, she has comforted me over the phone.
2) Tom - Tom and I dated in high school and even though I broke up with him, he has still been there for me over the years. It seems like everytime I went through a break up, he was there to stroke my hair and read me "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." Even though he swears that he isn't going to keep doing it, he always does.
3) Kenny - We met after Sean and I broke up. In a lot of ways, we thinki very much a like. The best thing Kenny has ever done for me is being there to talk and needing me to talk with him. He reminds me that I make sense and deserve to have what I want.
4) Ann - I have never been great at having female friends, but I think Ann and I will always keep in touch. We are both type A personality women so it is great to have someone who shares a lot of the same viewpoints that I do. She let me stay with her after I sold my house.
5) Pedro - I met him at my first job out of school, and he helped me through the transition. He has always given me a couch to sleep on if I needed it, and he fixed my computer when it crashed (very important).
6) Joel - He has always been there for me even if he is stationed on another continent. He loves me for me, and he never lets me forget that.
7) Dave - When Ryan and I broke up, Dave drove all the way to Atlanta to keep me company. He has made a lot of last minute trips to be there for me when I needed him. Recently he drove me to Charlotte on his Spring Break to help me find a house.
8) Liz - Half the time, when we call each other, one of us is crying. Some friends would get mad if you only called them when something was wrong, but we understand how busy life can get and will always be there for one another in those times of need.
9) Stephanie - She moved in next door right before the hurricanes hit so we went through the hell together. She calls me magic. She is really laid back, and she always calls to check up on me.
10) Wayne - He gave me my first Bible right when I needed it. I had called him to make sure Ryan was all right when we broke up, but he heard that I needed a friend in my voice. So he came over and talked to me even though we had never really been friends. He gave me his own personal Bible which I still read from to this day.

And, again, I say that is a short list. I have been blessed with so many great people in my life. I guess one thing about me is that I always search for the good in people. I believe we all have good in us, and I have the strong belief that we can all make that good come out above any of the badness in us.

Anyhow, I made a lot of new friends tonight. I got some people together, and we went bowling. I love people. I think people can be so beautiful. I am amazed at how different we all are. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hugs,
Pam

Another day in the life of Pam

I went over to my ex-roommate's tonight to say good bye (Rebecca is going back home from her internship). Marlo, the girl I rented the room from, also came over. I bought a nice dish set, some stainless steel pots, other miscellaneous stuff, and a breakfast nook table for only $205! I think it was a pretty good deal. I don't think she could have gotten as much money somewhere else, and I wouldn't have been able to buy it that cheaply somewhere else.

Dave, I owe you an e-mail, I know!

I worked late on Monday. Tuesday, I played flag football. Wednesday, I went to yoga. My butt hurts! I am glad that we get to dress casual now that we moved to the new building at work. I like dressing up, but I am not that fond of business casual for work. Way to go jeans!

I am liking my house a lot. I am happiest with my bedroom and kitchen right now. The dining room table looks really good with the hardwood floors. Yay!

I am all registered for summer and fall classes. I am taking 3 credits first summer and 2 credits second summer. In the fall, I am taking 10 credits. UNCC has agreed to waive tuition for three years! So that means, I am going to school for free.

I think God must be testing me. Everything is going so completely well. I am very thankful, but at the same time, the one thing I want most in my life isn't there. I get this bitter sweet feeling inside. For the most part, I am happy, but I know that I could be happier if Sean came home. Sigh.

Maybe I will meet a tall, handsome, smart, rich, sweet, Christian, responsible, young, and perfect-for-me guy, and I will realize that God had a much better plan for me than I had for myself. :-) Say a prayer.

I better get to bed! More hugs to you! Here is a picture from the building I work:

So Much to Do!

I have been working and unpacking. I got the rest of the stuff from the apartment yesterday. I bought a new phone (yay) and changed my number 704-293-8978. Does anyone want to buy my i500 Samsung Palm OS phone?

I need to get to bed soon, so I am making this short. Hugs to everyone. Anything new going on with anyone else?

Ann is moving to Las Vegas! Way to go, Ann!
Pedro and Jamie are getting married in November!
Rebecca and Nick are closing on their house!
Kim and Tony are moving into their house soon!
Dave is graduating soon - when was that again?

Love you,
Pam

Home Sweet Home

It isn't home until the cats move in. I moved the cats to the house today after church. It is official now! After church, I went to lunch with a friend of mine named Jonathan. He is from Raleigh. He helped me move the cats from the apartment to my house. I spent a few hours unpacking very slowly, but then my friend Jason came over and helped me unpack. He was great! We got probably about 80% of the boxes unpacked tonight. After Jason left, Jessica came over. I helped her put together an Excel graph that she needed for work. I was going to go to the Care Group at church, but I ended up cancelling because I wanted to get unpacked as much as possible.

The house is looking good. I am looking forward to getting to Home Depot and getting some paint for these walls! The cool thing is that there is plenty of extra room. God has been really great to me.

Quick, Somebody teach me how to use the fireplace!

I closed on my house Friday. Everything went off without a hitch. Four guys from work and etc. came over on Friday night and helped me unload the POD. After that, we went to the Comedy Zone. I also went to meet with my advisor on Friday. We planned out my course schedule for the PhD program. I am excited!

Today, three guys from church and about 5 kids from church came over to help finish unloading the POD. The POD is empty now, but I still have planty of boxes to unpack. Rebecca, my friend from church, came over and we had lunch after the unloading. This evening Bert, a friend from work, and I went to the Reba McIntire concert. It was awesome, but it was so cold outside that it took a good ten minutes once I got into the car for my toes to defrost. I was afraid I was going to get frost bite!

I sold the stacked washer and dryer to one of the guys from church. The house came with a nice full-sized set. I love the pond in the backyard. After I took a shower and got dressed, I went and sat on the back deck and brushed my hair. It is really nice and peaceful here. Very quiet.

The cats are still at the apartment, but they will be transported tomorrow. I am going to church in the morning. Then I am having lunch with a new friend. And in the evening, I am going to one of the church's care groups for a pot luck dinner.

My work computer is in my trunk, so I am going to try to close one CR (change request) this weekend. I am going to work a half day on Monday. I am going to get my hair cut and some more unpacking done.

I was offered some summer work to do through UNCC that I should be able to do while I am still working at my current job. I will probably start cutting back on my hours when my summer class starts.

Concerts I have been to:
1) Monkees
2) Beach Boys
3) Trisha Yearwood
4) Bruce Hornsby
5) Norah Jones
6) Reba McIntire, Brad Paisley, and Joe Nichols

Fun, fun!

The Impossible

God, you can make the impossible possible. Only You. I pray that you remind us of this everyday. In fact, I pray for our prayers to extend beyond the capabilities of what we think are possible so that we can profess our faith and trust in You. Let us pray that those who are terminally ill be healed. Let us pray for those who have made poor decisions in their lives be given another and another chance. Let us pray for immorality to go away and for every child to be free from sexual predators. Let us pray for lost loves to be recovered. Let us pray for enemies to become friends. Let us pray that Your coming will be in our lifetime. Let us pray for the impossible. I pray for those who don't know you to find you tomorrow. I pray for good to come from disasters like 9/11 and the recent tsunamis (can't spell) so that they aren't just random occurrences of devastation. God, I can't make any of these things happen. I can't do anything without you. I need you so desperately. Take care of this world because we are lost without You. Through Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.

Work, Work, Work

I am still at work, but I am waiting for this program to compile and run. Slow computers for the contractors! I don't have internet at the apartment right now, but that is okay because I move into my house tomorrow. Everything is ready to go!!

Some guys from work and various places are going to help me move everything out of my POD. I am very fortunate meet meet such nice people. I really enjoy my job. They really like me here so hopefully they may let me work here part time. I ma not sure what my schedule is going to be like in the PhD program though.

Take it easy,
Pam

Bed Time!

I worked until 10:30 PM tonight. I think it is weird that I don't really mind. I have realized that doing something you like makes a big difference. I think it also helps knowing that this is only temporary.

Irony:
-I have a great sports car, but I hate to drive
-I am in the best shape I have ever been in and have finally gotten rid of all my ugly underwear, but I don't have a boyfriend to appreciate it
-When I have money to spend, I don't have the time to spend it

I am sure there are more, but I am a sleepy head.

Ode to Ryan:

I decided to dedicate this message to my ex-boyfriend Ryan. Why? Because I just typed the word sleepyhead, and it made me think of him. Ryan is a really sweet guy even though he tries really hard to be tough on people. He is a really great programmer, especially graphics. He once did this graphic of "Pam" on a pedastal. I thought it was funny. I still have some inside jokes that no one gets because Ryan and I made them up together. I think we had the same geeky sense of humor a lot of the time. Ryan is much cuter and smarter and all around a nicer guy than his older brother, so I am not quite sure why is looks up to him so much. Some of my favorite memories: When David and I broke up, Ryan offered to let me stay with him until I found a place (it happened to be at his parent's house though). I would have nightmares and go into his room in the morning. We had been friends for sometime, and he would just open his arms wide up as if to say "come here, and everything will be all right." The song Open Arms always reminds me of Ryan. I don't think I really knew how to love someone when Ryan and I were together. After I got to know God better, I think I learned a lot more about loving. However, I did love Ryan very much, and I still do. I think he had a lot more growing up to do, and I am glad that we still keep in touch. I often wonder how things would have been if we worked things out. I care a lot about Ryan, but I don't think I could ever stand dealing with his family again. Boy, that would not be fun for me. I worry about him because I think he drinks a little too much, but I know he is smart enough to not do something (too) stupid. I want him to find a good girl. He is kind of shy and not the smoothest when it comes to the opposite sex, but he does have a lot to offer. He is one of the smartest guys I have ever met.

:-) Sweet dreams.

Quote of the Day

Okay, I was told that this was one of my famous Pam* comments. In context, I was talking about if I should play flag football again tomorrow: "I never claimed I could catch or throw . . . except for in code."

Har Har Har. Anyway . . .

I am going to pilates in about half an hour. I am excited that I am going to be closing on my house on Friday. It will be neat to start unpacking all my stuff. My cats and I have gotten very used to being mobile though.

I had hot Krispy Kreme donuts yesterday. I was happy.

Wednesday and Thursday work, Friday house closing, Saturday move in and Reba concert, Sunday church. This will be a busy week!

Later!

I'm back - not enough for a completely new post though. Some guy stopped me when I was coming out of the gym and asked me for gas money. When I first responded to him, he said "thank God, you speak English." I was like of course I speak English! Do I look like I wouldn't speak English. He said yeah. I thought that was funny.

Saturday

I worked from 10:30 AM to 10 PM today. I like the people at work. Although they can get a little rowdy, they are always nice when it comes down to it.

I got awesome news today. I was awarded the TIAA-CREF Fellowship which they allow give to one PhD IT student. It is a $25,000 fellowship for my first year of PhD studies. Free money to go to school! That rocks! Woo hoo!

God is good.

I am hanging out with my friend Jessica tomorrow. Hopefully we can catch up with my friend Jason later in the day. He is a big NASCAR fan, so we don't want to interrupt him during his race.

Kenny is at a mid-life crisis party tonight. I am wondering if he was able to find the grey hair dye like he set out to do this morning. I really want to see pictures of this!

Sleepy as all heck, so I am going to bed.

Missing my friends,
Pam

Sleepy Head

I went to Cabo Fish Taco with Rebecca (my roommate) and some of her friends tonight. Their specialty is Cod tacos. However, I has the steak rolls which were really good too.

I am very sleepy since I have been working late this week again. I am probably going to bed in a few minutes. I am working again tomorrow. I told them I wouldn't work this Sunday though, so I am going out with some friends.

I have called and set up all my utilities to be turned on at my house - all except the security alarm which I will have to do a little more research.

The last fews months, I have been observing people. It has been very enlightening. I have learned a lot more about the dynamic between men and women. I have realized that I am a pretty typical woman. I mean, I never have spent much time with women (most of my friends are guys), so I just thought I was pretty weird (compared to the guys). I have been spending a lot more time with other women lately, and there have been so many "Oh my God, I know exactly what you mean" moments. It is kinda funny that I am just now figuring this out.

I have decided that people in Charlotte are a lot more conservative and relationship oriented than people in Florida. Most people are married. There are a lot of pregnant women in the office. And most of the guys who are single don't seem to be happily proclaimed as bachelors. It is kind of an interesting change. People also seem to get married a lot earlier, and it doesn't seem like they consider that a bad thing.

It's my bed time. Sweet dreams.

No Internet!!??

Last night I didn't have any internet connectivity once I got to the apartment. I have a sneaking suspicion that the girl I am subleasing my apartment from didn't pay the bill. My roommate got a notice that she didn't pay the rent this month. The apartment people said they would evict us in 10 days if she doesn't pay. I told my roommate Rebecca that she could just move in with me then if that is the case because I close on my house April 15th.

I got transfered to another high priority project at work. That means I get more free lunches. :-) Today is supposed to be tru business casual day which means panty hose for women and closed-toe shoes. Well, I am breaking that dress code rule. Fridays are casual day. I want to go shopping for some new clothes soon. It will probably have to wait until Sunday since I have to work late the rest of the week and Saturday.

Good morning!

Pam

Pam, The Wide Receiver

I played flag football with some of my co-workers tonight. It was fun, and I think I am marginally better at it than I am at softball. However, I had never seen flag football before. They made us wear these funky little belts. I, myself, started hula dancing. I had fun though, and everyone was nice.

I must reiterate, I like nice people.

The weather here has been a little chilly but nice. I have been able to ride around with the top down on the convertible. Of course, I might turn on the heat sometimes as well.

I am going to be crazy tired tomorrow. The game didn't start until 10 PM, so I am a little late getting to bed.

G'night!

Alas, My Flintstones are Gone

Flintstone vitamins are yummy. Sadly, I finished my last one today. I must get more soon!

I worked about 9 hours today. I went out to lunch with some of the guys. Working in the IT field really degenders a female. They just treat me like one of the guys. It is kinda funny. After work, I went to the gym and to the grocery store. It felt good to work out. I tried to buy healthy food at the store. I probably didn't do the best, but I think I did all right.

I am excited that the closing of my house is coming up soon. I need to start calling the utility companies to have all that stuff taken care of. I have some people who have offered to help me move the stuff from the POD to the house.

Let's see . . . any other updates?

I think there might be a mistake with my car insurance. The premium was about $500 or so, so I thought that it was going to be about the same as it was in Florida. However, I got the bill, and it split the payments out over a YEAR. What a minute - does that mean it is HALF of what I am used to? Sheesh. My payment went from about $125 to $45 dollars a month. Home owners insurance went from $900 to $500. Flood insurance was $800 or so and has gone down to nothing! So the cost of living is lower, I am closer to the mountains, there are more IT jobs, and the pay rates are comparable. Oh yeah, although they have hurricanes here, I am sure that I won't find people canoeing down my street any time soon.

I have a lot of e-mails piling up in my inbox that I need to respond to. I know some people are planning on visiting me. I know Pedro and Jamie are visiting around July 4th. Francis was going to come visit sometime during the summer. I promised him I would take him whitewater rafting. Kenny is going to come up after he feels like he has saved some money. Tausha and Michael might visit. Ann has to come visit after I move into my house because I need her help decorating. Bonnie said she might be able to make it up sometime as well. Who else? I want people to come visit me!

Ah, I found it! Here is my waterfall theory! It is true, I tell you!

Ever Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight?

Off to work in a few minutes. I just wanted to say good morning. I think the most noble thing in the world is continuing to care about someone even if they don't treat you in kind. Chip, you do what you need to do for Sally. Just remember that loving her makes you a better person, not her. I think God listens when we pray for others especially when we pray for their best interest in spite of our own.

Take the time to tell someone you love them today.

NC has Tulips!

Tulips are my favorite flower. Only one guys has ever gotten me tulips; they are fabulous! They don't grow tulips in Florida because the bulps need to have a fairly decent freeze to grow. I am very happy that I am living where tulips can grow. It is very exciting!

Okay, everyone, - put this in your record books. I worked a 70 hour week this week. Woo hoo! This is coming from the Pam who has never worked more than a 45 hour week.

Okay, Brad informed me that the posts on my blog were a little depressing. I need to rememdy that. Myself, I just thought they were reflective. However, I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

I am happy right now. I feel better about myself probably than I ever have before. In fact, I pretty much think I kick butt. (Still couldn't bring myself to swear!) I am going back for a PhD so I can be called Dr. Pam. Moreover, they are paying me to go back to school. I am working for twice as much an hour than I probably would have accepted. Although I probably gained 10 pounds at work this week, I am in better shape than I have ever been. I have more money in the bank than I ever have. I know who my true friends are. I have two great cats. (BTW, Ra's birthday was two days ago. He is 5 years old.) I love my car and my cell phone. I have been regularly making it to church for the past few months. I found an apartment situation that was ideal for a month. I am buying a really nice house. I am strengthening my relationship with my family - not by doing just what makes them happy, but by communicating my boundaries and needs with them. I have remembered that I am actually desirable to men (at least a sample size of the population that can be normally distributed using the law of large numbers). I am not apologizing for who I am or what I like. For instance, I love country music and God! Thanks to Pedro, my computer is back up and running. I have goals and things going on that make me feel useful. I am volunteering more, and I am being a good friend. Even though I am still madly in love with Sean, I know he still loves me even though he left. I also know that I am worth loving by Sean or the next guy I choose to fall in love with. I have been perfecting my balance between confidence and pride, humility and low-self esteem. I am independent and accomplished. I know who I am and what I want.

There, that doesn't sound depressing, does it?

God, I know that I tend to worry about the things that I do not have, but I would like you to know that I am very thankful for the things I do have. And, God, please focus on those who need you more than me before answering my prayers. I know that time is not a concept to you, but I offer some other's needs up to you first: Please bless Liz and Chantz's relationship so that they have a loving and stable family environment for Kayla to grow up in. Please help Amber and her husband move to Georgia so that they might get into a better life situation. Please bless the relationship between Ann and Rick. Please help Ann decide if she should move to Las Vegas. Please keep my mom in good health and help her to stop smoking. Please show Kim and Tony happiness in Kentucky and help Kim's back heal. Bless Pedro and Jamie in their engagement. Help them adjust their work schedules so that hat can find more time to spend with each other. Help Stephanie sell her house. And when she moves in with her fiancee Dale, bless that new phase in their life. Bless my friend Kenny. He is a really great guy and will make the right woman very happy. Help Chip with his depression and his health. Give him outlets so that he can enjoy himself and get out of the house. Help Wei's family's business and help her relationship with her boyfriend. Help Sean with his money issues and help in succeed in school and his career. Bring Joel home safely from Afganistan. And God, please position me to be where you want me to be to help others when they are in need. You have blessed me so many times over. Without you, I would be lost. Who knows, I could be in jail, on drugs, homeless, locked-up, or even dead if your grace and mercy didn't save me. I credit you with all that I am. Thank you God. Through Jesus, I pray. Amen!

Here is a thread for those of you out there . . . name something that you are thankful for, and why? For instance, I am very thankful for you!

Hugs,
Pam