Pensive Pam

Why the heck am I awake again at 7:30 AM? I am not a morning person!

Anyway, I was thinking about the conflict between being confident and humble. It is definitely a hard balance. When you start gaining the confidence that you are smart, beautiful, successful, etc. you begin (sometimes) to lose your sense of humility. When you attempt to humble yourself, sometimes you let others make you feel badly for who you are. It is hard to be confident and humble at the same time.

I attempt to do this by being thankful instead of boastful of the things I am proud about. I try to thank God for what He has given me instead of attributing all those things to myself. I know I am very blessed. Although my family situation was less than ideal growing up, I know that my sisters and mom love me now. I am thankful that God gave me the intelligence to excel in my PhD program and to be able to be in a position to help others. Sometimes I struggle with knowing I am pretty. I am thankful that I have never been rejected for a second date. I know that there must be some people who don't like what they see at all when they look in the mirror.

I think I have gotten better as I have gotten older. For one, I spent most of my younger years trying to be perfect so I could be lovable. Now, I am just me and am pretty lovable anyway. I like being different, and I have accepted that each of my strengths come with their own set of weaknesses. There is always room for improvement, but it is okay to love myself now as long as I love others just as much.