Impatience

Impatience is a significant moderator in my life. It contributes to making my successes more successful and my failures more catostrophic. I have never needed time to think something over. I simply know what I want. My decisions aren't rash, and I am not fickle about them. I just know. Even if I am scared of making a mistake, I go forward with a decision instead of letting indecision make my choices for me. I live my life intentionally. I have this strong fear of wasting the amount of time I have on this planet. I have always been in a hurry. I was even born almost two months early!

Cookout

Here are the pictures from the cookout today! Thanks to everyone who came and helped make it fun and relaxing!

Daemon

Hey, my daemon changed from a whippet to a wolf. What's up with that??


. . . And now I am some sort of small dog. But my name is the same . . .

BBQ

Everything is ready to go for the BBQ. Chris and his friend put together the umbrella. They are all outside with a smoker slow cooking the pork. It smells good! I made the artichoke spinach dip and picked up a few other things from the store. Going to make the bananas foster after blogging. We have about 35 people coming over tonight so it should be eventful to say the least! I must remember to take pictures to post.

Just Another Day

Let's see what I am going to do tomorrow . . .

-Go grocery shopping
-Put away lawn supplies that are in the back yard
-Help Chris put together the umbrella
-Clean my bathroom
-Make spinach artichoke dip
-Make crock pot bananas foster

Sunday through Wednesday, I need to . . .

-Do data analysis
-Finalize AMCIS papers (April 30)
-Submit ICIS papers (May 4)
-Grade all papers (except the final projects)
-Work
-Business lunch
-Be here for maid service

And then I have to pack for my trip to Florida for Joel's graduation. I need to call some of my friends to let them know I will be in town. In hindsight, I might have spent a few more days down there.

Funny how life changes. If things had worked out differently, I would be moving to Los Angeles in a few weeks. I have to believe that God has better plans in store for me, but I don't quite know what they are yet.

Think = Say = Do

Earning explicit trust can simply be achieved through this equation, think = say = do. When they are all equivalent, you are explicitly trustworthy. If you leave out any of the variables in the equation, then you are not. The caveat with explicit trust is that it can be good or bad. If someone says they will do something bad and does it, you can explicitly trust them to do what they say, even if it isn't something you like.

There is also implicit trust which deals more with someone being able to trust you to not hurt them in ways that you don't necessarily say. This one is harder because a component depends on what is important to the other person. You may not realize you are breaking their implicit trust until after it has been done.

And sometimes, a person can violate both levels of explicit and implicit trust. The question is if they could ever earn it back?

Grocery List

Just made devilled eggs . . . stuff I need at the grocery store for the cook out tomorrow:

chopped spinach
garlic cream cheese
mozerella
romano cheese
lettuce
tomato
onion
lipton onion mix
sour cream
firewood
butter
run
vanilla ice cream
bananas
pound cake

Towel Babies!

(Okay, I had to substiture Riz's enhanced version of the picture.)

Don mailed me a CD of more cruise pictures, and I found one that had my towel babies (I love 'em!) in it. Notice the one on my head and the one on Riz's shoulder. I look like I am napping. Very Pam of me. Nice, very nice. Don is the tall guy behind me. Dave is the guy with the sea sickness patch.

Whippet

Whatnot

My back started hurting today. Chris came home for lunch, and I had to explain why I had an ice pack stuffed down the back of my shorts. Too funny.

I went to Target tonight and bought bocce ball and horseshoe sets that are Eddie Bauer brand. They will be nice to have for the cookout and for future picnic or camping outings.

Jay is crashing here tonight on his way from Myrtle Beach to Blacksburg, but he won't be in until about 10:30 PM.

For some reason, I am really exhausted. I think I will nap until he knocks on the door.

Patio Set

Here is a picture of my new patio set with a firepit. It came with one table cover and one chair cover - that makes no sense. Thanks to Mike for helping me put together the table.

Perfectionists

Here is a good article about perfectionists.

Comfortable

I am comfortable being me. Yeah, I can be a mess sometimes, but I would rather openly be a mess than try to hide the fact that I am a mess. Sometimes I think I should play the games and cater to my pride, but why bother? I am just going to be me at the end of the day, just like the beginning. :-Pam

Huh

I was wondering where Chris was last night, and I remembered this morning that he went up to Highpoint to see Amber for the night. I am logged into work from home right now - going through hundreds of emails. Good morning!

Little Miss Sunshine

Just finished watching Little Miss Sunshine. I thought it was an awesome movie. It is one of those movies that reminds us just how f*ed up we all are, and that it is okay as long we stand up for those we love.

Here is the funniest scene from the movie . . .

Yay!

They finished the exam early; I get to go home and eat dinner now!

The Internet is for Good

I gave my students an assignment of finding a way to use the Internet for Good. Click here to see some of the sites they contributed to the cause. There are tons of ways we can help others!

Check Lists

Been grading papers, and I think I am pretty much done now. So I only have the final exams and the final group projects to grade for my students. The other task I have on my list for today is to get that data summarized. I have class at 3:30 PM and have to go fill out some paperwork at 2 PM. So I don't know if I am going to have that much time to get it all done. I work tomorrow. The trend has been that Jay sends me an email sometime the day before to ask me to come in to work, but maybe I will get to work from home tomorrow. I really need to get some laundry done.

As of today, I have 96 survey responses on my knowledge worker and information technology survey. We will need more responses to do a robust factor analysis, but it should be more than enough for some multiple regression analysis and instrument validation.

I am hungry. I think I am going to shut down and grab a bite to eat on the way to sign my paperwork.

Valuable

It is amazing how we tend to lose sight of the things that are truly valuable to us. I remember when I lived in Florida and had to evacuate my house, the things I thought were so important didn't seem to mean as much. The things I carried with me: my cats, yearbooks, photo albums, laptop . . .

I guess what I am searching for is someone who sees my value and doesn't forget it. Also, someone that I value just as much.

I am thankful that I have my priorities straight. The things that are truly valuable to me are friends, family, learning new things, personal growth, helping others, God, travel, love, animals . . . Although money, success, and notoriety have their place they are not things you think about when you are on your deathbed, evacuating this world. They are not the things you take with you when you go.

Week's Middle

Tomorrow is Wednesday which means I will be on campus from 11 AM - 9 PM. Ick. I didn't get my data analysis done today like I had hoped I would. I will try to get up in the morning and do that. I was able to return the Walmart umbrella that came with the patio set. It was the wrong color. It was pretty funny because I had to put down the top on my car to get the thing in it.

Chris bought speakers for the patio today, but we haven't been able to figure out how to get them to work with the receiver. Muhammed is my AV guy, but he is in bed with an out-of-whack back. Hopefully he will be back on his feet soon (said with actual concern, not selfish intent).

Life is good. It doesn't feel good sometimes, but it really is. Thank you, God, for all you do and are. Every day has a new lesson.

Sigh

Trying to be productive today, but I am not doing that great at it. I did finish my AMCIS final draft revision. Now I have to do some data analysis for the ICIS paper that is due May 4th.

Okay, let's focus on something fun and good for a change:

April 28th: Chris and I are having a cookout. The patio set I bought is all set up, and we have about 35 people RSVPed. It should be a good time.
May 4th - 7th: I am going to Joel's college graduation then up to Gainesville to see friends and family.
May 12th: I am going to a cookout at Jetton Park near Lake Norman
June 8th - 9th: Going camping at Lake James
June 28th - July 7th: Going to San Francisco to see family
July 12th - 15th: Francis is coming to visit. I am going with him to his friend's wedding.
August 1st: John Mayer Concert
August 8th - 13th: AMCIS Conference in Keystone, Colorado

So that isn't that bad. Unfortunately, my qualifying exams will be shortly after that. Sigh.

Student Comments :-)

I think your teaching style was great!

You presented the course material well, and you made us apply it to real world situations with the cases.

Also, the software presentation idea was good. It forced us to learn about a program to present, and allowed us to learn about other programs through listening to the presentations.

In addition, the main project (with the interviews) was good because it forced us to go outside the course material and conduct our own research on a topic related to management information systems.

Your class was almost good enough to take again! (Almost!)

I thought you were fun, fair, and effective in your outlook on students and the course material. You are a very consistent individual and professor, which is why I think you are so effective.

Smile, You're on Candid Camera

People are so interesting. I spend more time studying people than I do information technology, and that is what I am getting my PhD in. Funny.

I am looking at Scuro right now, and she is giving me a half wink and a sideways ear turn. I don't really ever have to wonder what she is thinking because her actions are always consistent with her thoughts. She just decided to lick herself. I guess she thought she must need a bath. I love animals. They are so straightforward.

I was admiring Ru's innocence and joy today. He was completely happy rolling around in the grass and running up to me to get attention. He gave unconditional kisses and love. It is funny - I want to aspire to be more like a dog. To capture joy, innocence, pure love, and living in the moment would all be things humans search lifetimes to find.

Life is so beautiful how it humbles me sometimes. It reminds me that I don't know what the heck I am doing on a daily basis. And it is good just to laugh at myself sometimes.

Kissing Valentino

I was semi-productive yesterday. Part of my productivity in the yard was due to my desire to procrastinate on research that I should have been doing, however. That reminds me of an on-line conversation that Joel and I had once. I had said something about procrastinating but being busy, and he was confused. To him, procrastinating meant putting off the things you needed to get done by goofing off. To me, procrastination meant putting off the things I really needed to get done by doing something else (often something else that may need done getting). It is funny how people have subtle differences in how they define things. I just was jumped over by a cat. Now Job is getting a heavy mashing. Then another cat just snored. Wow, this is an active early morning Monday here at the Karr household.

Being Me

I am a Florida native
A dork, sure to make you laugh
I stand 5 foot three inches
But never forget the half

I am always on the go
I work and play hard
My house is always straightened
But there are tons of weeds in the yard

I am half Chinese
And the rest of me is mutt
I try to keep things PG-13
Because I get uncomfortable around smutt

My attention span is short
I have already tuned you out
But I pay attention to your heart
And the things that really count

Most would say I am difficult
But I am loving and sweet
I sing in the shower
And have the tiniest, little feet

I have a crooked smile
And I hate to drive
I live my life with passion
Because it makes me feel alive

I definitely am not a loner
I love my family and friends
Still looking for the perfect lover
Who will stand beside me until the end

Yes, I am a hopeless romantic
I cry more times than I like to admit
I pursue happiness and goodness
And haven't given up yet

I won't apologize for who I am
Accept me flaws and all
I know I am not a poet
But there is a little poet within us all

My name is Pam
And that's who I am meant to be
I know I am not perfect
But all in all, I am pretty good at being me . . .

Cheers

Here's to pursuing things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Life is too short to bother ourselves with anything less!

Butt Sniffing

Dating is a lot like what animals do when they sniff each other's butts except it is a more drawn out and unpleasant process. It is what we do to be able to say, "okay, you are cool by me." One difference is that we all poop and animals don't bother to try to cover that one up. They just say, "You poop, I poop. We all poop. Deal with it. Accept it. Move on."

With that random thought, I am off to church. :-)

Sunday

Diet Cherry Coke, Allegra, and Ibuprofen - a breakfast of champions! I really need to get a new pillow. I think that would improve the whole headache in the morning situation. Maybe I should wash Job too. He hasn't had a bath in a few years.

Think I am going to make it to church today. The early service starts at 9:30 AM. Looks like they are doing a spin off from The Secret.

Looks like we are going to have quite the turn out for the cookout next weekend. I am hoping for weather as beautiful as yesterday's. Today looks like it is going to be pretty nice outside as well.

Zoo

It was a great day to go to the zoo; it was beautiful outside. I got to see birds, elephants, lions, giraffes, sea lions, wolves, otters, snakes, fish, turtles, buffalo, antelopes, bears, monkeys, chimps, baboons, bobcats, and more. (Oh, My!)


Didn't get any pictures of the zoo animals, just of the two goofy ones above.

I think I got a little too much sun because I am feeling drained now. I am supposed to go out to Shelby for a cookout/camp out tonight, but I am seriously debating it. Maybe I will just go for a few hours. I have to work pretty hard after today because I have a lot of end-of-the-semester deliverables due before May gets here.

Ultimatums

It is funny how an ultimatum, something designed to control you, has the opposite effect of setting you free. Ultimatums show that the person has no regard for your feelings and is unwilling to compromise - convincing you that even if you originally were going to consider the idea, that it really isn't in your best interest - regardless of the other possibilities that may be part of the mix. You just know that one just isn't it solely because it is presented as coercion instead of a choice. People who love you don't force you to do things. They are supportive and understanding - and forgiving. And the decisions you make for these people are the ones that really count because you make them with your own free will, not because you feel like you are being forced.

There have been many times in my life when I tried to force someone to love me or make decisions taking in account my best interest in life. You know, that never seems to work. The times I presented the options and allowed them to choose were the times that the outcome was more positive. On top of that, those times were the most meaningful. When I let go and let God, life seems to go so much better. I can just do the best I can and have no control over what other people say or do. And I think I am doing pretty good.

Tonight will be a good night for putt-putt golf. Maybe I will make a hole in one (not likely!). Tomorrow, Mike and I are going to the zoo. Tomorrow night, I am camping out at my friend John's house. After that, back to the grindstone. I have lots of paper revisions to make between now and the end of the month.

Trying to stay focused. I have a lot of things that need to get done, but they are all good things to do.

Yay, AMCIS!

Both the papers I submitted to AMCIS were accepted! Someone better be taking me to the Melting Pot to celebrate! Woo hoo! Called my mom to let her know. I still have to make some revisions, but hopefully I will get those done with no problems. Sleepy.

Assessment

Although I have been busy the end of this semester, things are going well. I have gotten quite a bit more research done this semester than past semesters. I currently have three streams of research I am working on right now. The one I am going to turn into my dissertation topic has to do with knowledge worker productivity and the optimal usage of information technology. Secnd, I am assessing the fit between information processing needs and capability for interorganizational electronic integration performance. Third is a paper I have been working on forever about how humans exhibit interpersonal behaviors toward websites acting as social actors. There is a fourth paper which is pretty much dead that deals with using collaborative training methodologies to enhance group performance using collaborative technologies. Most of it is lofty theoretical stuff that will probably never see the real world.

Anyway. So that is school. Teaching is going pretty well too. I got some feedback from my students from last semester on Rate My Professor. My students this semester found out that my class is harder than the other sections, but hopefully they realize that they are learning a lot through all the things they are doing. I don't have any classes scheduled to teach for summer and fall so I will be more focused on my research.

In the work arena, thing are going well. Not saying much here because I am still figuring out the situation.

Spiritually, I should be getting to church more often. However, I do pray quite regularly. I could always do more. My faith in God and Jesus remains. I simply couldn't function without it. I always have unanswered questions, but I am pretty sure that is never going to go away.

The cats are great. Scuro's favorite toy is this little, green fuzzy hair tie that I don't even know where it came from. She carries it around in her mouth all over the house, drops it down on the hardwood floor and runs after it like a mad woman. Ra is still the character he has always been with his little head, fat belly, and asthmatic purr. They are healthy and still have spurts of kitten-like energy although they are 7 and almost 9.

My roommate Chris and I are still getting along well. He has been seeing my friend Amber, so I have been trying adamantly to stay out of the middle of that. Chris and I are having a cookout with over 30 people attending on April 28th. I am just hoping we don't get April showers that day.

Other stuff is going on too, but I am getting sleepy again so I am going to try to get in another half an hour of sleep before I have to get up and ready for work.

Left Field

Notice the survey link posted on the right pane of my blog. This is for my PhD research, so if you are a white collared worker who spends a lot of time on the computer, please take some time to fill it out. If you know others to pass the survey along to, that would be great too. I aim to get at least 80 responses in the next couple of weeks.

I am going to be at work all day tomorrow so I will be away from my personal computer. Probably a good thing every now and again.

Too much or not enough to report on today; I am not sure which.

Ambiguity

"In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lives you live."

Life has a funny way of changing course without you knowing if you are following the correct path. I often find myself scared that I am just completely lost. Other times, I am certain of my direction.

When Joel and I went hiking, I was thinking about how it was like life. We were following these blue dots, and we turned left onto this one trail. We weren't sure if we made the right turn or not. We had to decide if we should take the chance and keep following that path or turn around and reevaluate the path we had chosen. After walking for about 15 minutes, we decided to turn around. In turned out that we had taken the wrong path which took us 30 minutes out of our way. Had it been the right path, we would have wasted the same amount of time retracing our steps. It could have really gone either way. In the end, we found the waterfall, but we did end up getting locked in the state park.

I guess I am drawing out the metaphor into quite a conceit. I am not quite sure which parts pertain to the analogous parts of my life. I know there are choices to make. I know that there are times you aren't even sure if you are lost. I know sometimes you have to turn around. Others, you just have to forge ahead. I know that the paths we take can waste our precious time. However, without them, we wouldn't have stories to tell. And we never quite know where we are going until we have reached our destination. Yet, along the way, there are good friends and an occassional waterfall.

That's Life

That's tough.
What's tough?
Life.
What's Life?
A Magazine.
How much?
25 cents.
Too much!
That's tough.
What's tough?
Life.

Wicked

For those of you who live in Charlotte and haven't seen Wicked, it is in town until April 20th. I saw it in San Francisco with my Auntie Dora, and I really liked it.

Cats

"Unlike us,
cats never
outgrow their delight
in cat capacities,
nor do they settle
finally for limitations.
Cats, I think,
live out their lives
fulfilling their
expectations."

-Irving Townsend

Nora, the Piano Playing Cat (pretty cute)

Napped

I am all napped now. I have gotten the majority of the stuff on my list for today done. I think I will reward myself with some chocolate milk. Mmmm.

I am going to be on campus most of the day tomorrow and will be at work on Thursday. Hanging out with some friends Thursday night. I'll probably go straight from work. I have seminar on Friday morning and work from home after that. Mike and I are going to play putt-putt golf Friday night. I am not sure where there is a putt-putt golf course, but since he suggested it, I am guessing he knows.

The semester is winding down nicely. I have been waiting to hear from AMCIS to see if my papers were accepted to the conference. The notification was supposed to be on the 16th, and still no word. I am anxious to know! I have two more papers I need to submit to ICIS before May 4th, so I am getting those all ready to go in the next few weeks.

Unavailable

Sorry if I have been unavailable lately. I have a lot of things, mostly good, going on recently so I am just trying to get through the end of the semester. I have a lot of emails and voicemails to which I need to respond. Don't think I am forgetting about anyone. I am just really busy right now. Lots of love and hugs, Pam

Pensive Pam

Why the heck am I awake again at 7:30 AM? I am not a morning person!

Anyway, I was thinking about the conflict between being confident and humble. It is definitely a hard balance. When you start gaining the confidence that you are smart, beautiful, successful, etc. you begin (sometimes) to lose your sense of humility. When you attempt to humble yourself, sometimes you let others make you feel badly for who you are. It is hard to be confident and humble at the same time.

I attempt to do this by being thankful instead of boastful of the things I am proud about. I try to thank God for what He has given me instead of attributing all those things to myself. I know I am very blessed. Although my family situation was less than ideal growing up, I know that my sisters and mom love me now. I am thankful that God gave me the intelligence to excel in my PhD program and to be able to be in a position to help others. Sometimes I struggle with knowing I am pretty. I am thankful that I have never been rejected for a second date. I know that there must be some people who don't like what they see at all when they look in the mirror.

I think I have gotten better as I have gotten older. For one, I spent most of my younger years trying to be perfect so I could be lovable. Now, I am just me and am pretty lovable anyway. I like being different, and I have accepted that each of my strengths come with their own set of weaknesses. There is always room for improvement, but it is okay to love myself now as long as I love others just as much.

Virginia Tech

Even when you aren't directly affected by a tragedy like the one that happened at Virginia Tech, it seems like we always know someone who was. I called Jay yesterday worried that he may have been on campus. Luckily, he had headed North just a few hours before. I called Kevin who also graduated from there; he seems pretty shook up from the whole situation as well.

You never know why these things happen. In one sense, they serve the purpose of making sure we do not become complacent in where we are. It shows you the importance of living life with a sense of urgency because you never know which say will be your last. Make haste to love.

It is unfortunate for the school as they now will have to stave off a stigma that truly was for the most part outside of their control. It reminds me of the serial killer Danny Rolling who plagued the UF in 1990.

There are definitely bigger problems in the world than the ones we trouble ourselves with every day. So, in the end, at least we can be thankful for a good dose of perspective.

Downsizing

I woke up early this morning and decided to pay a surprise visit to Mike and Ru. I brought Starbucks along with me. I got a cafe mocha with extra chocolate pumps and whipped cream. Luckily, I caught them before they went on their morning walk. We walked around the lake near Mike's house. He just flew out of Atlanta on his way to Las Vegas about half an hour ago and won't be back until Wednesday or Thursday.

Bennett and I went to Lowes to pick up some stuff for the yard and the tub. He worked on the tub for a bit today, but I had since come down from my coffee high and ended up napping while he worked on the tub. I can be horrible sometimes.

Just transposed some data. I am still sleepy so I may go to bed early tonight. Tomorrow, this is my task list:

-Work on survey validation
-Email my class
-Create a web-based survey instrument
-Make the final exam for my class
-Dr. appointment at 11:30 AM
-Student Leadership Corps meeting at 5 PM
-Spray weeds in yard

It was extremely windy today. Maybe it will be better out tomorrow, and I can move the patio furniture actually out on the patio.

God, Move or Move Me

What will today be like, I wonder? Yesterday was a good day, the day before not so good. The day before that was another good day. While Thursday was definitely tough, but Wednesday was okay. The day before was mediocre, and I can't really remember as far back as Monday. Oh wait, I think I just blocked Monday out of my head. Yeah, Monday was definitely quite a kicker. Joel was here the three days before, and I got to see waterfalls. And here I am again at 5:03 AM blogging my usual randomness.

Honesty is hard sometimes, but it certainly has its benefits. I would say that it helps you sleep better at night, but I am a prime example that that isn't true. It gives you a sense of knowing who you are and knowing who really loves you. If you aren't honest with yourself or others, how will you ever be authentically loved? No, that doesn't mean you have to tell strangers all of your business. Heck, I even know better than doing that! There is just this level of truth between you and the world that works to make things real. And that is what I am. I am real. People have told me that was one of my better qualities before, and I guess I didn't understand how other people couldn't be real. However, I think I am learning what that means.

God knows the mess that is Pam. And He loves me anyway. That is a good feeling.

PhD Students Converse

Matt: "Thanks, you are a life saver."

Pam: "Hmm. Can I be a tic tac?"

Matt: "No, but you can be a nerd."

Pam: "Okay, that will work."

Matt: Okay, talk to you later."

Pam: "Okay, mmm-bye."

Wisdom

Joel sent me a message to cheer me up today; usually, he isn't all that poetic, but this is what he said about love - it was perfect:

"It is something spoken by actions and real sacrifices, not just words or spending what is expendable."

One of my goals in life is to love well. Some people think they love, but in the end, their love is just a feeling that doesn't really make a difference to anyone but themselves. So instead of being hurt because their love doesn't move you, maybe instead you should be sad for them because they really never figured out what real love truly is.

Sometimes Joel can be a goofball, but here, he is quite wise.

Important

Life is about fighting for the things that are really important, and not giving up. It is when you give up this fight, not when you die, that life ends. At the end of their life, no one ever says I wish I hurt more people, spent more time at work, wasted more time, loved less, withheld forgiveness, made fewer friends, or performed less acts of kindness.

And this is our battle, to uphold the things that truly matter to us. One concept that intrigued me was the concept that we can all get what we really want to make us happy since happiness means different things for different people, it is not bound by resource scarcity. There is an abundant supply. Here's hoping that's true.

I wish to live my life in such a way that I give more than I take. If I have to choose between loving and being hurt or putting up walls so others get hurt first, I choose to be the one who gets hurt. My life will be filled with friends and family. I will never stop trying to find ways to make this world a better place. I will search for reasons to be thankful. I choose to seek out the little things in life that make it worthwhile. (It is perfectly fine spending the day playing in mud even when you are grown up.) I will cling to faith, hope, and love.

Strike a Pose

I can be such a ham sometimes. :-)

Muddy Fun

Went to a Muddy Fun workshop today at ClayWorks in Charlotte. It was fun; I found out that their pottery throwing class is $145 for 6 weeks. I am thinking about signing up - that isn't a bad price. Plus, I like that they are a non-profit organization. Also went to the Carolina Raptor Center to see birds of prey. I didn't realize that they essentially save and care for birds that can no longer survive in the wild. I thought that was pretty neat.

It rained pretty heavily today and there was even a flash flood warning in some parts if North Carolina. However, now the rain has stopped.

I am feeling pretty tired. I think I am going to put a movie in and watch it from bed while grading some papers.

Premonition

After waking up from my nap, I checked my voicemail. Glamour Shots had called and said that the rest of my pictures were ready to pick up. I was going to have them ship them then I thought I might as well go get them. I haven't seen Kevin in weeks, and I promised him that I would get there that way to meet his dog Dax (who is a sweetheart). So I drove down to Carolina Place Mall which is about a good 45 minutes away.

We ended up going out to Encore to get dinner. I had never been before, and it was really awesome! They had this salad which was so good that I ate all but 3 pieces of romaine heart leaves. (If anyone knows me, they know I pick around everything.) I had a chicken artichoke penne pasta which was also excellent.

After dinner we went to see Premonition. It gets a "Pretty Good" on the Pam scale. It was impressive in its level of complexity and detail. It definitely wasn't a feel good type of movie though. In fact, it was pretty freaky. I guess it was appropriate for Friday the 13th though. We saw some movie trailers such as Vacancy that completely freaked me out. That is one movie I will never ever see. It would prevent me from ever going to a motel and probably sleeping ever again!

On that note, I guess I should try to get back to sleep. Mike and I are going to have a Muddy Fun day in a few hours.

Nap Time

I just got back from campus; my big presentation went well. However, now I need a nap to recuperate from this week. Stop. Breathe. Good.

May or may not go out tonight. It depends on who is up for something.

Life's a Journey

Google takes driving directions to the next level. Funny. Thanks, Muhammed.

Baaa

Yup, I am awake. So I will start counting sheep.

People I admire:
1) Kim and Tony
2) Patsy and Buddy
3) Fred and Vivien
4) Francis
5) Ngoc
6) James
7) Patrick
8) Matt and Amy
9) Matt

Number of times:
Heart broken - 6
Puppy love - 2
True love - 3
Moved: 20
Moved Abruptly: 6
First Kisses: 18
Drunk: 4
Drugs: 0
Initiated Break up: 2

The most:
Hurt them: Ryan
Hurt me: John/Sean
Loved me: Joel
Loved them: Mark
Envious of: Kim
Oldest friend: Tausha
Horrible job: GE Capital
Best job: Current
Hardest life: Mom
Like me: Kim
Empathy for: Lisa
Empathy received: Joel
Positive outlook: Mace
Angst: Tom (still)
Growth oriented: Wendy

I have
1) car
2) cats
3) kitchen table chairs
4) ceiling fans
5) hours before I have to wake up

More Charlotte Events

4/16: Citizen Cope
4/18: Charlotte's 12th Annual Taste of the Nation
4/28-4/29: Art & Soul of Southend 2007
5/27: Herbie Hancock

Four Cat House

Well, I am a four cat household for the night. Skip, Spook, and Jay are crashing in the guest room on their way to Virginia. They are good cats. Funny how life is. I never thought Jay and I would be talking again much less putting him and his cats up for the night. I am glad though. I don't like going through a life time of making strangers.

Finished the first draft of my presentation tonight. I will probably go on campus to refine it before the presentation at 2 PM. It is funny because I can give three hour lectures to my class, but doing a seminar presentation to my colleagues freaks me out. It has been a stressful week.

The ACM-W happy hour tomorrow night was postponed, so I will probably go out instead to unwind from the week. Not sure what I am going to get into though. I'll have to see what is going on around town. Rather try something new than just go watch a movie or something like that.

And I Will Name Him George

For those of you who may get confused by my naming of inanimate objects:

Chiaroscuro - my calico cat
Ra - my orange cat

Job - my teddy bear
Emo - my build-a-bear dog
Curly - my cactus
Marvin - my space heater
Pearl - my car
Pinky - my external hard drive (newly named)
Charlotte - my laptop
Landing (right) and Don (left) - the knots in my back
Sample - my kitchen stool

Tetris - my old sectional couch
Epitome - my old laptop, later Phoenix after rebuilding
Aristotle - my old ThinkPad
Charybdis - my old desk top
Sentry - my old Nissan
Abunga - my old stuffed cow
Illy and Tupid S. Hamsters - the beginning of a large hamster science project

Full Pow Pow

Ugh, I am so full. I went to Chili's with Chris after going to Best Buy to get an 80 GB external hard drive and a CD holder that matched my office. Just got off the phone with Muhammed. He might be able to replace my corroded battery cable for less than the dealership is charging me. We will see. He is still moving slowly from getting hit by a car.

Jay should be here with Skip and Spook around 11:30 PM. I am excited to see the boys! Skip is a grey tabby, Spook is black with a little white like my cat Sebastian used to have.

I started unpacking my patio set, and it looks pretty nice. I need to borrow a male from somewhere and help me move and assemble everything out back. The lawn guy finished with the lawn today, so I have to take a look and see how they did.

Going to vege for a little bit and then work on my presentation. I wish this headache would go away. I have already taken Aleve and allergy medication supplemented with caffeine, and I still have a pounding headache. I need a good massage.

It'll Be Okay

Work has been hectic today and getting much done with this headache isn't helping. My allergies have been acting up too. I have an appointment at the health center tomorrow morning so hopefully I can get some medications refilled soon. Talked to the lawn guy today; he and his son came over to tackle all the weeds. I haven't had a chance to get lunch yet. I am going to sign off from work early today and focus on my presentation instead. I can flip flop and work some this weekend.

It is a beautiful day outside.

Don, The Poet

My friend Don from the cruise wrote a supplemental poem to online dating, and I couldn't resist posting it. :-)~

On line dating
Is truly an art:
If you want to be lucky,
You'd better be smart.

Don't send out photos
Of your truck or your bike,
'Cause prospective girlfriends
Them things they don't like.
Don't post them pictures
Of your previous flings,
Because jealous women
Don't take to them things.

A word of advice
To short, old, ugly guys
You'd better be loaded:
(With money, not fries!!)

One last reminder,
Before I am done:
Not all that glitters is golden:
Compatibility 's Number One.

I Have to Go!

I am sitting here on this conference call, and I reaally have to go to the bathroom. Come on guys, end the call!

Dating Sucks, Online No Exception

Just read some interesting articles about online dating.

Moxie
Match
Selfgrowth
Happen
Happen 2
San Francisco Chronicle

Let's see. I met Art, Jason, Todd, Gene, and Mark all on-line. So I guess I started doing the online thing maybe in 2005. Gene and Mark were the only real relationships that came of online dating. Gene and I were just too different. Mark, well, Mark lives in Los Angeles. Talking out your problems over coffee isn't really an option in LDRs. I met Mike online recently as well. (Here is his profile if you would like to date him too! :-) I remember when I found out that Jay had a online dating profile, and I freaked out and was certain that meant he was a perv. That was what - six years ago? I guess times change.

Here are some more online dating tips for guys:

-Don't put a picture of your truck, motorcycle, or ex girlfriend in your profile. Women are jealous creatures, we don't like to share.
-Don't say that you are hot, handsome, sexy - just comes across as cocky. Oh, and don't post pictures with your shirt off. Unless those are the kind of girls you are looking for . . .
-Don't use slag like chillin', kickin' hollar, etc. And don't use IM abbreviations in your profile text.
-If you are ugly, short, or old you better be rich, funny, or intelligent

Three Horned Problem

In research, there is something known as the three-horned problem. Research can eith be strong in two of generalizability, realism, or precision but not all three. A similar case occurs in industry - you can only get two of cheap, fast, and good. Basically, the phenomena here is that when you are high on two of the outcomes, you are inherently low on the third.

Does this apply to life?

Healthy, wealthy, and wise
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
Success, happiness, purpose
Love, happiness, success, control, security, peace, respect . . .

What would the three dimensions of life's three horned problem be?

One of the over-arching themes of life is that you first have to let something go to obtain something more worthwhile. The Bible, for instance, wants us to completely surrender ourselves in order to be saved. In love, you must let yourself be vulnerable to find a love that actually matters. To find true peace, you must let go of the notion that you have control over life. So we are giving up something to get what we have always needed or wanted. However, sometimes we can't seem to let go of whatever it is that isn't getting us what we want.

If the world weren't so complex, we would have gotten bored and given up long ago. There is a lesson in every day and every person you meet. Amen!

Okay

I am off the phone now. Just talked to my mom who seems to be doing well. After that, Jay called. He and his cats may crash in the guest room tomorrow night on their way up to Winchester. I haven't seen Skip and Spook for a few years, so it will be good to see them. Of course, they will have to stay partitioned in the guest bedroom because my cats pretty much terrorized them when they were in the same house before.

I wanted to get to bed early tonight to be able to get as much work done tomorrow as possible. It is already getting pretty late though. Got out of teaching around 9 PM. I enjoy teaching.

I am supposed to go to that CHOA event tomorrow, but I think I may skip out. I think I am more about the outdoor adventures which are a little less meat-markety than the other social events. I also have to work on my presentation for Friday. It is my last Outlook reminder that keeps coming back to haunt me.

G'night. Sweet dreams. Both of my cuddlers have departed, so I will have to make do with Job until they return.

Better

Today is going better. I went to my interview, and it seems to have the potential of being a good opportunity. I spoke with my advisor, and we are making a lot of headway on our research. I got a venti cafe double mocha with chocolate drizzle, so I am pretty much wired now and will fall asleep in the next half hour. I am going to just cover one chapter in class and talk about the SWOT Analysis for final projects instead of trying to cover two chapters. I registered for my classes today as well. Things are still busy but I am slowly dismissing my reminders.

Soft Rock

Today was a long day; I am exhausted and stressed. It always gets hectic at the end of the semester. Combined with a few other factors, it just isn't very fun for me right now. I am going to try to get some sleep. The hard drive in my laptop is going to crash soon. The keyboard is falling apart too. I just need Charlotte to last another few weeks before I can ship her to Dell to get fixed up. Pleease, just hold out for a few more weeks. (Comment directed at Charlotte and myself.)

A Day Like No Other

I am about to start my day by hopping in the shower. I have already done the pre-day Ra cuddling. I have to get quite a bit done before my interview (my insanely long interview) at 1:45 PM. Did I mention I have ANOTHER interview scheduled with the same company for tomorrow as well?

Wednesday doesn't look that bad. It is a work day for the class I am taking. However, I do have to prepare a lecture for two chapters in the class that I teach.

Thursday, I work and am going to a CHOA event. It is a wine and cheese tasting. I hope they have some good cheese.

Friday, I work and am presenting during the Friday seminar on my research. That evening, I have an ACM-W Happy Hour. I might skip and stand up the one or two other women in technology who may show up.

Saturday, I am having a Muddy Fun Afternoon.

Stress level is high. Need extra cuddling. Oh, here comes Scuro.

Gratitude

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." --Eric Hoffer

1) My family loves me.
2) I have lots of friends.
3) God loves me.
4) I have the best cats ever.
5) I have a good education.
6) I have a beautiful home.
7) I have an awesome roommate.
8) I am financially stable.
9) I am alive.
10) I have never experienced war.
11) I have never gone hungry.
12) I have been able to start over.
13) I have been able to help others.
14) I don't hate anyone.
15) I have had the opportunity to learn what is truly important in life.
16) I have been loved.
17) I have employment.
18) No one is trying to hurt me.
19) I know who I am.
20) I am young.
21) The Internet.
22) I can travel to see new places.
23) I don't have to be perfect.
24) I have learned to love myself.
25) I am healthy.
26) I can take care of myself.
27) I am growing.
28) I don't hate what I do for a living.
29) I have learned how to forgive.
30) I have been forgiven.
31) I am not alone.
32) I enjoy the little things.
33) I have hope, love, and faith.
34) I can pray for everything else.

Too Much

I was checking out the Blumenthal line up, and there are some really good events going on. I wish it wasn't approaching the end of the semester crunch time.

The Seder - Been oddly/acutely aware of Judaism this year
Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing - I loved this book!
Alice in Wonderland - Twas brillig in the . . .
Doubt - Catholicism is interesting too

The Lion King is also coming to town. I saw that in December, and I thought it was really good. So I suggest that you go see it if you haven't yet.

Task Master

So these are the things I need to get done tomorrow:

-Create presentation to present during Friday's seminar
-Grade papers
-Research!!
-Upload students' grades (DONE)
-Enter data for survey validation (DONE)

If I don't then I will be screwed. How's that for motivation! There is a lot of other stuff that needs to be done, but I am going to focus on getting these done first. I ended up taking a nap today because I didn't sleep well last night (as supported by my untimely blog posts). I still kind of have a headache. I am attributing that to pollen and lack of sleep.

In general, I think I work hard and I play hard. When I am not sleeping, I am always busy doing something. I kind of like it that way. I get a lot accomplished, but I also get to enjoy a lot of things in life that other people don't. I just have to work on not being so sleepy though. Then I would have more time in my day. Reminds me of the song, "I need a little more life in my day."

Nerd Quotient

OMG this game is addictive!

Eight Pounds

I used a bowling ball the size of a human's head, and I bowled a 130! Woo hoo! I am a rock star. Went to Tsunami for dinner and ate way too much. I was feeling less dizzy during dinner, but I am feeling dizzy again. Maybe I should see the doctor tomorrow if I don't get undizzy tomorrow. My eye sight is feeling a little fuzzy too. I am broken. :-(

I have a three and a half hour interview with a company tomorrow. I am usually pretty good at interviews, but that is going to be one long interview. I will have to come up with some interesting stories to tell about my cats. Recruiters love those!

Ugh, my belly is full. I think I will lay down in bed and do some data analysis.

Concord Mills

Mike and I are going to Concord Mills in about half an hour. He is going to buy a tent, and we are going to get a bite to eat. We haven't decided if we are going to go bowling again or to a movie. I definitely need to eat something healthier than the cookie dough I have been snacking on all day.

Funny

This soo sounds like something I would do . . .

Pamela

Pamela is a female name first invented by sir Philip Sidney for a character in Arcadia that he wrote in the late 16th century.

The British author Samuel Richardson published Pamela in 1740 or 1741. After its release Pamela became a popular name for girls in the UK and the USA.

Chiaroscuro

Fake

We all lie. So much of who we are is a work of fiction, fiction we tell ourselves and tell others. We aren't real because reality scares us to death, and we must protect ourselves at all cost. However, living within illusions never ends happily. No one wants to be loved for who they seem to be.

Creepy

My Happy Easter post was the 666th post on my blog. That is kinda creepy. This one is 667 so we are good now. I just dropped Joel off at the airport, and I am caught in this place where I am too sleepy to get anything done but it is too early to go to bed. I have to do lotsa research tomorrow. I also want to get Pearl washed in the near future. So things I have to get done tomorrow:

-Send in the check for my state taxes (DONE)
-Send in keyboard rebate (DONE)
-Set up on-line bill pay for my new Capital One CC (DONE)
-Work conference call (DONE)
-Laundry (remember to take it out of the washer!!) (DONE)
-Schedule patio set delivery (DONE)

-Meet with my prof (Wednesday)
-Wash Pearl
-Register for fall courses
-Call people back: Bennett, James, Lisa, Mark, & Dave

That should be more than enough busy work for one day! Maybe I will just go to bed now.

Happy Easter!

Jesus proved that through God, all things are possible! Happy Easter everyone. Sending my love to all those I can't spend Easter with this year. Also for those celebrating Passover this year April 2 through April 10th, Happy Passover! No matter what, God is good.

Amen!

Agape,
Pam

Learning and Living

I feel like I have been learning a lot lately about life. I am learning to let some things go. I am learning how to spend more time enjoying life. I am learning how to love people better. I am learning that my weaknesses are okay. I am learning academic stuff. I am learning something new every day. It is amazing how much one doesn't know.

The ugliness in this world can be overwhelming, but if you stop for a while and pay close attention, you can see so much beauty in the world. Something as simple as an orange cat snoring or a calico hugging her own head while she sleeps can make me smile. Sometimes I take for granted that I am worthwhile in the world, but on a daily basis, I can positively impact so many other lives if I just open my eyes and see the need. There are those that you take for granted and those that you just don't understand. When you stop to really appreciate someone or to accept them as someone who is just different than yourself, it feels really good. Why would we want to be surrounded by people who were just like us? Then what would we be able to learn?

Sometimes I lose sight of how truly amazing everything is; sometimes I lose my hope and faith. I know I do. I enjoy the times when I find it because that is when I feel most like me. I realize the more a person has been hurt, the farther they get from being themselves. In the end, we all just want to recapture ourselves and be loved exactly the way we are.

I may be an idealist and a romantic; I believe that good shall prevail. Sometimes I get off-centered, but I truly do believe that to my very core. There is so much good in this world, in each of us. The good things are what makes us happy.

Adventures of Pam and Joel

So Joel and I headed out of Charlotte Friday, and we are now back safe and sound. We arrived in a Bed and Breakfast in Sapphire, NC. I had to take a nap when we first got in. After I woke up, we went to Gorges State Park around 6:30 PM.


Well, it was a 1.75 strenuous hike to Bearwallow Falls, so we thought we would be able to make it before the park closed at 8 PM. The hike there wasn't that bad; however, the hike back was all uphill!


We got back to Pearl around 8:10 PM and were going to grab a bite to eat before we went back to the B&B. One problem: the gate was locked when we got to the park entrance. We got locked in the park!

So my cell phone didn't have any service. I took about 10 minutes to figure out how to let my phone roam, and I still didn't have any service. We had to walk a ways out of the park before I had any signal. Joel called the park number and there was no answer. Since he is a guy, he was too embarrassed to call 911. So I called 911 and told the guy we were stuck in the park. He called the park ranger, and about an hour or so later we finally got out of the park.

We were staying in a pretty rural area, so everything was pretty much closed by the time we got out. Luckily I had some breakfast bars in my backpack that we ended up eating for dinner.

When we woke up and opened the door to get some breakfast, we were completely surprised by the snow on the ground. Poor Pearl got covered with snow for her first time.

We hiked to quite a few waterfalls, and it would take forever to upload to my blog. Instead, I uploaded them to my Yahoo photo album for everyone to take a look. It was cold but fun! I am ready for another nap . . .

Joel

I picked Joel up from the airport today. We decided to drive down to Brevard Transylvania County and see "The Land of Waterfalls." Of course, we have altered our plan to stay in a hotel instead due to the weather. I took a really nice nap earlier today, so I am up a bit late tonight. We are going to get Pearl's oil changed in the morning before we head out. I haven't packed or anything yet, so I should probably get some sleep so I can do that in the morning.

Sweet dreams.

Lazy Thursday

After the hectic Wednesday, I needed a lazy Thursday. I got out of work a little early because the code repository software was down. I couldn't get to anything I needed. It didn't make sense to just hang out until it was back up. I pick Joel up in two hours so it was nice to get a nap in beforehand.

Amber is coming up to visit Chris this evening so it will be a full house. Hopefully the two of them don't have a falling out because I don't want to be in the middle of it! Who knows.

I think camping is definitely out with how cold the weather has been today. I still think we can get some good hiking in though.

Movie Quotes

Watch the Pam, everywhere, keep looking! Keep watching the Pam!

Which movie was this quote from?

Get your own quotes:

Muhammed

I forgot to mention that Muhammed got run over by a car yesterday after I saw him on campus. He broke the guys windshield! He didn't break any bones, but he sounded pretty hurt over the phone. Hope you feel better soon!

Here is a picture of Muhammed and his cat Lou to commemorate the occasion.

Survived

I survived my over-productive day. I am in bed with a snoring cat now. Jay emailed and said he wanted me to come into work tomorrow, so that is where I will be. I have to pick Joel up from the airport anyway. I am trying to find my email that says when he will be in, but I am not finding it. Got it. I have to pick him up at 8:30 PM. Argh. I guess that means I will be staying late at work. Maybe I can find someone on that side of town who wants to catch up for dinner.

Amber is coming down to visit Chris tomorrow. Looks like Joel and I will probably be getting a hotel because it turned really cold tonight. Just our luck. :-(

I am determined to go camping once it warms up though. Darn it.

Progress Report

DONE -Read/Write article summary
DONE - -Prepare lecture for Chapters 11 & 12, complete with South Park clip on business plans and Dilbert Mission Statement generator.
GOOD ENOUGH FOR NOW - -Create technology crowding survey instrument

1:09 PM - I am going to get ready to go to campus now.

DONE - Exams graded, 2:53 PM
DONE - Make-up exam administered and graded

5:03 PM - Currently in class

/* TO DO */

Things I have to do tomorrow in order of importance:

-Read/Write article summary
-Prepare lecture for Chapters 11 & 12
-Create technology crowding survey instrument
-Give make-up exam
-Grade exams
-Grade other assignments

So, in other words, I have more things to do than hours in the day. I should start tonight by reading the article, but I am getting sleepy. Hopefully I can just have a fresh start tomorrow. Sweet dreams, everyone! I will be on campus tomorrow from 11 AM - 9:30 PM.

Pizza! Pizza!

Little Caesar's is having a customer appreciation day with a $3.99 large, one topping pizza. Heck, I am usually not one of their customers, but with deals like that, I'll do it!

I just found out that my qualifying exams are going to be the week of September 3rd 2007. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MILESTONE IN MY PHD PROGRAM. I will have to do some mucho studying for these things. Say a prayer for me!

I am making a calendar for my mom for Easter. If you want to see the pictures I am including, click here.

Go Gators

I am not a big sports fan, but hey, the school I graduted from is at the top, so I am going to enjoy the benefits. ;-) Gators rock.

I signed in for 3-4 hours for work today to fix a production issue. I have to drop a form off on campus in a few minutes. I am going to sweep the bathroom floor (from all the construction) and then take a shower first.

I have a Ra cat on my lap. Chris and I are going to watch a Bobcats game tonight with a volunteer group from Hands on Charlotte. We are taking some kids from a group home on a field trip. I have never been to a real basketball game, so it should be fun.

Tomorrow is my long day on campus. I have to create a survey instrument for this new IT construct we are creating as a result of my research. Busy, busy.

I Smell Like Puppy

Went over to Mike's to see Ru tonight. We tried watching a movie, but Ru cried through the whole thing. He is just a puppy, so he is still getting used to being away from his brothers and sisters. He is such a cutie pie.

Mike brought me back a Chinese feng shui compass from his last business trip. It is supposed to tell you what color to paint your walls based on the direction the wall faces. (Perfect for me since I insist on painting every wall a different color.) The only problem is that it is all in Chinese. I will have to get some of the PhD students to come over to read it.

Bennett was over again fixing the tub front. I owe him big time. There is still a bit more to do, but at least the gaping hole is covered now.

Joel will be here on Thursday, and we are determined to go camping and hike to waterfalls. The problem is we aren't sure if we even have a tent. And we don't know where we are going to go. We will figure something out though.

Chris and I have about 30 people who are attending the cook out on April 28th. This will be our first joint get-together. I think we are both looking forward to it.

I've been tired all day so I am going to try to get to bed early.

Pollen

I have had a headache all week, and I think it is because all the pollen that is falling. Ugh, I wish I could just get rid of this headache.

I went to the claim's adjuster today. Estimate: $528.42, Deductible: $500. I ended up with a whopping $28.42 check. Wonderful. I don't have the $500 to get Pearl fixed right now, so the poor girl is just going to have to stay broken for a little while. Upsetting.

Bennett is downstairs fixing the tub again. He found some cabinet doors on Craigslist, and we got two for $5. Hopefully we can find the stain for the plywood to match the rest of the cabinets. It has been a pretty good deal so far. We will see.

Cat Ice Cream

So Chris got Ra some kitty ice cream for his birthday yesterday. Ra and Scuro both got their own little cup to lick from. They seemed to like it quite a bit, but in the end, they threw it all up again. Ra threw up three times, Scuro twice. Poor Chris felt bac and cleaned up after them. We now know that kitty ice cream is too much for them. They liked their cat nip toys though. Scuro got a little catnip Ra, and Ra got a catnip frog. It was an eventful day for them.

I'm a Fortune Cookie

You know how you put the words "in bed" after you read your fortune. Well, that's me. I am in bed. Just got here. I wasn't as productive as I needed to be today; my mind was preoccupied. However, I did get some stuff done. I have to take Pearl to the claims adjuster in the morning. It will probably cost too much for me to justify getting her fixed. :-(

Life is good.

Good Friends

Boy, I have some good friends. Bennett is out in the garage in the rain trying to fix my tub front for me. Just have to love men and their fascination with tools. Here are pictures of Bennett and the tools he brought with him:



I bought a patio set from Wal-Mart for the cook out that we are having in a few weeks. Chris's rent check will go toward the patio set. I feel like I am being a big spender lately, but everything I am buying are things I pretty much need. Life ca be expensive sometimes.

April Fools

Happy April Fools' Day! Also, happy birthday to Ra.

There is a large deviation between what I want and what I need to do today. Sigh. I better get out of bed and get started on the day. I guess I did goof off adequately yesterday.

Wheel of Life

I just found this tool on Tony Robbin's website. So here is my current self-assessed life wheel for living a balanced life. The larger the section, the better I am doing in that area of my life.


Don't worry. I am not one of those people who just eat up anything someone feeds them. However, I do keep my mind open for new things to learn. I question and challenge new ideas, but I am also willing to be proven wrong too.

Never Give Up!

When I was younger, one of my favorite quotes was "Success is the best revenge." I have grown up since then. Now, I realize, who needs revenge? And in some cases, who needs success? I just want to be happy. But what is happy?

Can success lead to happiness? I think success (in the conventional sense) can lead to temporary happiness; however, once we have achieved success, we always have to aim for the next highest goal. Success is something we always chase and never catch. So tying our happiness to success means that happiness will always be just around the next corner.

I think acceptance is part of happiness. You have to accept and love yourself and others. If you don't love yourself, no one else is going to be able to love you. And if they do, you will never understand why and just think they must be mistaken. At the same time, you have to be centered enough in yourself to accept and love other people as they are. Everyone is different. Everyone.

I think letting go is part of happiness. The more you try to control things, the more you fail. We simply can't control anything but ourselves. You end up pushing away all the things you can't control, and you end up completely alone. And here is the thing - the stuff that makes us the happiest is usually stuff we can't control anyway. We want to be loved; we can't make people love us. We want to be treated a certain way; when we make people do it, it doesn't give us happiness.

I think humor is part of happiness. "If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane." Sometimes the world is so crazy that we just have to laugh at it. We have all done something ludicrous. We have all made mistakes. If we take ourselves so seriously all the time, we would just get bogged down in how dismal everything looks.

I know love is part of happiness. I don't think anyone can be happy without knowing how to love. We have to love those around us, what we do, who we are, where we are, etc. Do what you love, love those you love, and love yourself. Heck, maybe happiness is love.

I think God wants us to be happy. While we are off chasing things that we think will give us happiness, He knows where we should be looking: At Him, ourselves, and each other.


(Stepping off of soap box)
Pam!