Restless

Nothing good happens in the wee hours of the night. No emails, no blog visitors, no MySpace comments, no brokerage account changes, no message board posts, no nothing. I was up around 2 AM and now, still nothing going on. There is a cat snoring at the end of the bed. Earlier, there was one purring and digging to find her way under the covers. It is warm here under the covers. I miss soft, fluffy pillows and down comforters. I need a new bed. I wish I could sleep through the night.

Anyway, earlier today - er, I guess, yesterday, it was mentioned that I was difficult. Just to clarify for anyone who is still debating about this, yes, I truly am difficult. And, I will help delineate some of the ways in which this is true:

I rarely order directly off the menu. I will embarrass you in front of any waiter. And, I will ask for ketchup with my steak. Sharing meals is no longer an option. I usually shuffle food around on plates without warning. I will most likely not let the unsaid go unspoken. I will challenge people to speak what is really on their minds. Pam = Option Strict, Option Explicit. I often delve into who people really are underneath which makes them uncomfortable. I am sarcastic, at times, and have been told I am a "smart ass." (Quoted of course because I only swear when I am really mad.) I urge myself and others toward continuous self improvement. I am a perfectionist. When I do get sleep at night, I grind my teeth. I have this great combination of depression and anxiety where I can get both lethargic and antsy at the same time. I am one of the most impatient people you will ever meet. I only listen to the first 10 seconds of every voicemail before I delete it. I respond quicker to emails than phone calls. I plan everything, even my short bursts of spontaneity. I constantly seek human companionship so I usually have a boyfriend and always have lots of friends. I am horrible at taking criticism. I have a really short attention span and can usually only do one thing for a few hours at a time. I interrupt people when they are talking. I am overly critical and analytical. Like most women, I think I am fat. I rarely need personal space. I constantly seek love and attention. I don't ever really relax. My mind is always on. I hate to drive because I don't have depth perception. I cry when I am both sad or angry. I talk about my cats all the time. I don't have a problem asking other people to help me with random things. I generally know what I want and express my opinions. I don't let people take the easy way out. I have been called a pain in the butt. I am sleepy most of the time. Sometimes I talk to much and others I am too quiet. I am a touch cynical and tend to think of the worst case scenario. I don't have a very good personal filter and usually just speak/write what is on my mind. Hence, this blog.

So, yes, I admit I am difficult. I am also extremely caring, loving, silly, smart, some say pretty, and well accomplished. I can compromise and will do anything I can for the people I love. So some may say I am worth it anyway. Yes?