I Refuse

Maybe the reason I never win is because I simply refuse to play the game. Every woman knows how to play the game. Pretend that you aren't that into him. Play hard to get. Don't fall in love. Keep you eyes open for a better guy to come along. Make him always apologize first. Don't ever tell him that you want to marry him (even if he brought it up first). Don't go out of your way to make him feel special. Don't call. Don't make changes for him. Don't cry over him. Let him be jealous. Don't reassure him. Keep secrets from him. Don't show him your vulnerabilities. Don't let him be your best friend. Don't rely on him for anything. Never ever need him. Don't let him know you will always be there for him. Be confident. Remind him that you can find someone better. Wear heels wherever you go. Don't try to impress his parents. Always shave your legs.

Love is patient, kind, humble, forgiving, hopeful, truthful, and eternal - not conniving, cruel, vengeful, and ephemeral.

I am so tired. I am trying to not be bitter. I just want to love him even if he isn't here for me when I need him most. I want to love every good quality and every flaw that makes him him. That's me. I have never been a great actress. I have to trust in God that if I keep trying to do what is right, eventually everything will be okay. Not feeling so strong.