Closeness

I long for closeness. It just seem like people stay so distant these days, and on the rare occasion only, let someone else in before pushing them away again. People have learned to be comfortable with this disconnection, but I haven't ever seemed to figure it out. I don't think I want to either. I like seeing everything and everyone as interrelated, all part of something bigger.

Just got off the phone with my mom, and she is doing pretty well. Tomorrow, I work from home and have a meeting in the afternoon for some more work I am doing. Friday night, I am going out to dinner with Mike, his friend Gabe, and his friend's wife. They are in town for the night visiting. Saturday Mike and I are going to go to the Antique Show. I haven't been, but I think Mike goes quite often. Sunday, I plan to go to church and do some research.

I had my Mid-Year review at work today which went well. I asked my boss to write me a letter of recommendation so I can post it with my other letters for future use. I need to start applying to some fellowships and grants. Extra money never hurts.

I have retired my free after rebate keyboard that matched my office since a working control key is infinitely more important than aesthetics. Sigh. However, New Egg has offered to give me a new keyboard costing less than $20 for free since they don't carry the one I got anymore. I think that is pretty good customer service.

Ugh!

Horror movies are so insanely stupid. Ugh, I can't stand it. Could these people be any stupider? Geez. We are watching The Hitcher; it completely sucks. I don't say that about many movies. Amber wanted to watch a scary movie, but I keep ruining it for her with my Mystery Science Theater-like comments. Getting sleepy, but hopefully the movie will be over soon.

Pictures from the Lake

Pam!


Amber and Chris (aren't they cute together?)


Captian Bennett.


Pam and Amber sun-bathing. (Yes, I am wearing a bathing suit bottom!!)

Role Reversal

So Chris was up cooking a big breakfast this morning while I had the ladder and the paint out touching up the ceiling. I thought it was pretty funny. Amber, Chris, and I are getting ready to go over to Bennett's to take a ride out on the lake. We might swim a bit if the lake isn't too crowded. Good morning!

Men and the F-word

Hilarious! This is an article about the difference between men and women in relationships. Melissa, Phillipa, Carol, and I were just discussing this with John and Brian last night. Too funny. So why is it that women always have to be the ones to understand and compensate for the men? Is it just because we all would be doomed otherwise?

Teen Pam

This concludes the drawings from teen-Pam.

Pam Art

Here is a scan of a picture I drew in 9th grade art class.

Memorial Day Weekend

Here is a list of things I want to get done this weekend:

-ADC and Merck HIV CR for work
-Do Laundry IN PROGRESS

-Work out to Pilates video at least once DONE
-Touch up ceiling paint DONE
-Submit expense report for work DONE
-Shop for a cute summer dress DONE
-Pay bills DONE
-Write Abigail DONE
-Clean out car DONE
-Mail mini SD Card Rebate DONE
-File paperwork in office DONE
-Data Analysis write up for research DONE

-Confirm dividend miles on CCs POSTPONED
-Shop for paint POSTPONED
-Create outline of courses that will be on the qualifying exams POSTPONED

On-Demand

We are becoming an on-demand society where we don't have to wait for any of the things we want. Tivo gives us whatever TV show we want on demand. Our iPods let us listen only to the music we want to hear right now. The Internet gives instant sexual stimulation. We can almost instantly get a date through on-line dating. Restaurants give us access to pretty much any food that we want right after we crave it. So we are used to wanting, seeking out, and consuming whatever it is we desire on-demand.

The problem is that the things that are most important in life don't come on-demand. We have to wait. We have to compromise. We don't get exactly what we want right now, and we get upset. We have been spoiled, spoiling some of the better things in life that we could of otherwise had if we didn't demand instant gratification exactly in the way we envisioned it.

God has a plan bigger and better than anything we could have thought of for ourselves. However, instead of waiting for it to unfold, we try to make our own plans, disregarding God and everyone else. We have become a self-centered, selfish society.

Locus of Control

We internalize negative things and externalize positive things. When a guy gives me the silent treatment, it must be my fault (internalizing blame). When I get good grades, it was because the course wasn't difficult (externalizing accomplishments). So it becomes a never-ending cycle of feeling badly about ourselves.

One thing I know is that no matter who you are, you deserve to be respected. No one deserves ridicule, lies, mistreatment, neglect, etc. Therefore, this kind of disrespect falls judgment on the person who is being disrespectful instead of the one who is being disrespected.

I value the people in my life who are respectful toward me. Sometimes honesty hurts, but that's okay. Life hurts, love heals. We all disappoint one another eventually, but the nature of the hurt matters. I have hurt people maliciously, because of cowardice, unknowingly, and lovingly - all very different things. Respecting someone does not require always meeting their expectations. It means letting them down with integrity.

So thank you to those who love me enough to respect me. I am going to make a conscious effort to respect the people in my life. I think I can commit to treating others well, without condition. I would rather fail trying than succeed not.

Productive

I have had a relatively productive day today. I have been logged in to work. I mailed my Sprint rebate. I sold my Treo 650. I had lunch. I cleaned off my desk . . .

I am going to dinner with a bunch of my friends tonight at 7 PM. I am thinking about going to Speed Street sometime tomorrow.

Right now, I am going to take an Advil because I feel a headache creeping up on me.

v

I am sad. The left hand control key on my new keyboard has gone bad. I keep trying to paste, and all I get is a lonely v.

Later in the Day

I bought the GPS system and a diet/exercise tracking program for my new phone. Heehee.

I took the drug test today. It was hilarious because I kept having to go to the bathroom before I actual got to the drug test. I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to "go." But then I had to "go" some before the drug test because I couldn't wait. Then I had to beg the lady to let me hurry to take the test because I still had to "go" so badly. My bladder is very temperamental.

I am going to be signed on to work tonight so I am going to take a quick break since I have been running around all day. I might have found someone to buy the air purifier and my old phone from Craigslist. I have also discovered that Scuro likes eating the feather that keep coming out of the pillow top thingy I bought for the top of my bed. Strange cats, I tell you.

Hmmm

I am seriously thinking about buying the GPS Navigation system for my phone. What do you guys think? I am not too familiar with how these systems work. All I know is that I am always lost. Maybe I can find some on-line reviews.

I have to drive to work today to pick up the drug test information.

Things to do:

-Sell my Treo 650p DONE
-Drug test DONE
-Return various phone calls DONE
-Place the 3 other solar rocks DONE

-Get study lists for qualifying exams DEFERRED
-Laundry DONE
-Research (never-ending) TO DO
-Fix siding TO DO
-Get car checked out TO DO
-Drop off nursing home donation TO DO
-Follow up on US Airways dividend miles TO DO
-Get laptop fixed TO DO
-Get passport DONE

Okay, I better hop in the shower now.

Content

I am content tonight; I went over to Mike's to make sure he was doing okay. I brought some food over for dinner. It is kind of like shopping at my own house for food to bring over to his house. Pretty funny, I think. We watched Pan Labyrinth which Kim should definite get if she hasn't already. His mom came over briefly to drop off an umbrella holder for his patio set so I got to meet her. We had ricotta raviolis and potato skins for dinner. Maybe not the best mix, but it worked well enough. I got licked from head to toe by the Ru-dog. We took Ru on a walk to Birkdale Village which is the shopping plaza at the entrance of his subdivision. I got a Java Chip Frappacino from Starbucks to put me right to sleep tonight. We stopped in the pet store so Ru could get some turkey biscuits. Overall, I was just happy to see Mike before he left for San Francisco tomorrow. I was really worried about him yesterday.

I just took a drug test for one company last week, now my other company selected me for another random drug test. Geez, what a pain. The closest I get to doing drugs are lemon poppyseed muffins every now and then. Oh well.

Blogging randomly tonight. Battery life soon gone. Good night everyone.

Awww

Awww. Sean, my ex, left a sweet comment on MySpace this morning. That was nice. Ra is currently sitting on my lap licking my neck. Strange sensation. I am going to hop in the shower soon; I have a meeting on campus at 11 AM. I also have to work today. I want to see Mike before he leaves for San Francisco tomorrow. I have a conference call I have to be on at 4 PM. I am going to try to stay awake today. I don't know what has been wrong with me lately. I am going to try to not drink any caffeine today until I start getting a headache; maybe that will make a difference. The store restocked my Aquafina Wild Berry water. I was scared that they were going to stop carrying it. All the rest suck. I bought three six packs just in case.

Change the World

You'll Change The World As A Giver!

Were you that kid in class who always shared your lunch with the person who forgot theirs? It sure wouldn’t surprise us. Caring and concerned, someone with your heart is sure to affect change by contributing where you can.

And where would the world be without huge hearts like yours? You understand one of the biggest obstacles to ending poverty and hunger is the issue of resources. So whether you lend a financial hand or donate your time to your favorite organization, a natural giver like you knows that the "haves" of the world have a certain obligation to help the "have-nots." Way to step up!

Find out how you will change the world.

Join the HungerMovement.org community.

The UnPam

Here are some un-Pam comments:

• No, let me drive.
• I just need some personal space.
• Sorry, I haven't checked my email in a week.
• I like to fly by the seat of my pants.
• Let's go to a strip joint.
• My old phone works just fine.
• I need a drink.
• Looks like my calendar is empty.
• I aced that test.
• Who cares?
• Can I get that medium rare?
• What's your catch of the day?
• Beer me.
• That seems like too much of a commitment.
• I'd rather not talk about it.
• Talk dirty to me.
• Nope, I don't need a bathroom stop.
• Eh, I am sure it is just gas.

Solar Rocks

I got my 4 solar rocks from eBay today. So far, I am happy with them. I am going to wait until tonight to do the full assessment though. I have been really sleepy this week. I wish I had more energy. I am making chicken enchiladas right now. I am not sure if they are burritos or enchiladas, but I call them enchiladas. Mike went to the emergency room today because his stomach hurt. I haven't heard from him in a few hours, so I am getting worried.

Humph

I woke up at five this morning, so I decided to shop eBay for a Bluetooth headset for my new phone. I went back to bed probably around six. I am awake but still in bed now. Ra was really noisy last night. I think he needs to lose some weight or something.

I work today, and I need to email my advisor a write up of my data analysis. I'm not 100% sure of what I am doing, but I need to at least give it a try. I need to go to the grocery store because I am on to using my travel toothpaste, and we are nearly out of toilet paper. Maybe I will do that this morning. I have a conference call scheduled for work sometime today, so I need to check when that is before I go out . . . It isn't until 2 PM, so maybe I will go to the grocery store this morning.

On another note, I may have ADD/ADHD. I was looking up why coffee made me fall asleep, and that is an answer I found. Let's see some of the symptoms: delay starting tasks, distracted easily, fidgety, difficulty waiting, often shifting tasks, interrupting others, not listening, always"on the go." Yup, that sounds like me. :-)

Scuro is my tap dancer; she is so cute.

Nightmares

I tend to have nightmares instead of dreams so I would rather just not dream at all. The other night, I had the worst nightmare I have had in a very long time. I woke up crying and called Mike at 5 AM. (Yeah, good way to runa guy off, I know. :-) My dreams are really vivid. I know they aren't real, but when I wake up, the emotions I had in the dream are still very much real. I think Kim does the same thing. She dreams that Tony is either cheating on her or smoking (which to us is a horrible thing because our dad died of Cancer from smoking), and she wakes up mad at him. It is kinda funny. I remember Sean telling me that I was talking in my sleep and asked him where my hair was. Another time, he said I told him that I had five cars. He asked, "what kind are they?" I said, "I don't know. I have five cars." He asked, "where are they?" I said annoyed, "I don't know! I have five cars." I asked Jay what the difference was between a thin and a thick client. I guess that made sense since he was my telecom professor. Ah, I am a weird one.

Anyway, putt-putt golf was closed for a private party tonight. It must have been some party because they were carrying people out on strechers. We also got to see someone run a red light and smash into another car. So, all in all, it was a pretty eventful night.

I just finished some work for work, and I should be going to bed soon. My tummy is still full from eating at Outback. I got to meet Mike's friend Lisa who works there. It was kind of weird being waited on by his friend, but she was nice. I am sure she was amused when I asked for no tomato, onion, or cucumber on my salad and ketchup for my steak.

Live Hard

5/21: Dinner and putt-putt golf with Mike
5/24-5/26: Shenandoah Valley with Melanie (maybe)
6/2: Carowinds
6/3: Charlotte Antique and Collectibles Show
6/8 - 6/9: Lake James Camping
6/28 - 7/7: San Francisco
7/12 - 7/15: Francis in town
7/21: Jetton Park Cookout
8/1: John Mayer Concert
8/8 - 8/13: AMCIS Conference
8/20: Fall semester begins
9/3 - 9/7: Qualifying Exams
10/6: My Birthday!!

Camping Camping Camping

I am looking forward to going camping in a few weeks. Maybe I will get to see some more waterfalls. Although my summer is going to be insanely busy, I want to make sure I enjoy myself as well. We have already planned a trip to Carowinds. The John Mayer concert is coming up in August. Lots of fun things to do. I want to enjoy life. I need to plan a trip to see Kim and Tony one of these days. It might have to be in the fall since this summer is filling up pretty quickly.

All Things Good

I believe in God and love. I believe people can change for the better. I think that God does answer prayers. True love does exist. Marriages can work; spouses can be faithful. Love can be forever. Humans were meant to be monogamous. Animals are all good. Old wounds can heal. Dreams can come true. Although we can't have everything, we can have the things we truly need. Revenge is never the answer. We can learn from our mistakes. Silver linings do exist. Most things happen for a reason. People truly do care. Life has meaning. Friends can be forever. There is a Heaven. We are meant to take care of each other. There is good in this world. You can find beauty in most things. It is okay to laugh at ourselves. We are all special. We all deserve to be understood. No one is meant to be miserable. God loves us. We get more from loving others than being selfish. It is never too late. Second chances do exist. We can learn to trust again. God doesn't give us more than we can bear. Life is beautiful. Relationships are worth it. Never regret loving. People mean more than things. We all could use a hug. We are all connected somehow. Life is about the journey and the destination. It is okay to be wrong sometimes. Obstacles build character. We all have a purpose. Persistence does pay off. Truth is better than lies. No one is a lost cause. We can all make a difference. Reason and emotion can co-exist. Family is important. We can all capture a childlike innoncence. Laughter is good for the soul. Comfort is available. We are never completely alone. Kindness can always be found. There is always hope. Good will prevail over evil.

Happily Ever After

We watched all three Shrek movies this weekend; I like happy endings (Puss is awesome too). I hope to have my own happy ending one day soon. Tom once wrote me a note telling me that I deserved that much. That must have been 10 years ago. Patience has never been one of my virtues.

I think moving to Charlotte has been a good thing for me overall. I have made more friends than I can count, and I know I have had an impact on many lives that I would not have had I not moved to Charlotte. Although I don't feel like it sometimes, I am surrounded by people who are loving and supportive of me. I still get scared and overwhelmed by life sometimes, and I worry that if I show it, people won't love me anymore. But I am happy when I am proven wrong. I guess I am a bit skittish sometimes. I know I require a lot of love.

I spent the former part of this weekend with Ru and Mike. Mike and I met three months ago today, on his 30th birthday. Boy oh boy, he didn't know what he was in for meeting me as a birthday present!

I have two perfect cats. I love Ra and Scuro so much. Ra is at the end of the bed snoring his little head off. Scuro just brought in her favorite hair scrunchy and is looking at it, then at me, and meowing. Now they are both on the bed with Charlotte, Job, and I. Chris and Amber are upstairs; it is a full house tonight.

Tomorrow, I am going to church and doing homework. Need to get some good work done. I guess I should get some sleep.

My Treo

I got my new phone today!! It is the Treo 755p. The midnight blue is really pretty. I haven't figured out all of the new features, but here are some new and improved things:

-It has an internal antenna instead of one that sticks up.
-The exterior is covered with a kind of rubber, plastic exterior that makes it nice to hold
-It is lighter and a little smaller than my Treo 650p
-The camera and video camera have better resolution
-It has integrated Google maps that gives turn by turn directions
-So far the reception in my house seems better
-It has broadband capabilities for browsing the Internet
-I can use it as a modem via bluetooth to get Internet on my laptop
-Bejeweled. Some game that is pretty addicting

I will figure out the rest tomorrow. I have to get some data analysis done before bed.

Sparkling Pearl

I finally went to AutoBell and had Pearl washed. They didn't have leather fragrance, so I had to settle for new car smell. Ra says hello (with a long meow). I also made an appointment to get my passport and went to the mall and got two dresses. I felt really old, but I bought them from the junior's department anyway. They didn't have anything cute for us old people.

Also notice the newly added chatterbox on my blog so it is even easier to show your love for Pam who we all know needs lots of love and attention. Ahem.

My new phone will arrive in the next few days at which time I will be able to start buying new accessories for it. I am seriously thinking about buying a GPS program. I won't be able to find one as nifty as the one embedded in Mark's car, but there has to be something good enough to keep me from getting lost all the time (literally, not figuratively).

It looks like it is going to rain tonight, but I want to wear one of my new dresses anyway!

Midnight Blue

I bought a new phone today; I got the Treo 755p Midnight Blue. It was a little pricier than I would have liked, but hopefully I will be able to sell my old phone to recoup some of the price of the new phone.

Think I am going to go to the SKNet Cafe tomorrow night to see some Improv comedy. I need to figure out what time it starts though.

Okay, I am getting sleepy so I am off to bed.

Midtown

I am going to Midtown tonight to get half priced wings and catch up with some friends. I will probably run into Chris there since that is his home-away-from-home. Been a little down today for some reason. I am supposed to meet with my advisor on campus tomorrow I think, but we haven't set a time. I better send her an email. Bennett finished the tub up yesterday morning, and it looks pretty good. Now on to the next home improvement project which is getting that piece of siding hanging off the roof fixed. Sigh, it never ends!

What if Jesus

What if Jesus
Didn't say what he meant
Beat around the bush
And sat on the fence?

What if Jesus
Kept his feelings inside
Because to be vulnerable
was too much for his pride?

What if Jesus
Decided to play it safe
Let someone else jump first
Because he lacked the faith?

What if Jesus
Put himself first
Made life about what he wanted
And didn't bother to serve?

What if Jesus
Was too busy to hear
The pain of others
Because it was too much to bear?

What if Jesus
Valued wealth and success
Shunned the weak and poor
And laughed at their distress?

What if Jesus
Said we came first to him
But was apathetic and far
When we called his name?

What if Jesus
Chose to never forgive
Any transgressions or sins
Unless they were his?

What if Jesus
When faced with sacrifice
Decided to save himself
Instead of giving us life?

What if Jesus
Said that he had been hurt too much
That it just wasn't worth it
To give us his love?

What if Jesus
Was just part of this world
Lost and confused
Instead of savior and Lord?

What if we
Had it all wrong?
What if Jesus
Never died on the cross?
What if Jesus
Was just like us?

World Community Grid

Now that Mike got me a digital picture frame that I put in the living room, I no longer need to use my laptop screen saver to display all my photos . . . so I created a team for "Charlotte" on the World Community Grid, where I donate idle time on my computer to nonprofit research projects.

"Today, hundreds of thousand of volunteers around the globe are donating processing time when their computers are on but not in use. World Community Grid is using this computing power to conduct research on promising humanitarian projects, reducing research time from years to months. As more and more individuals donate the unused capacity of their computers, World Community Grid will be able to complete more critical research." So, join my team!

Labels

I have updated my blog labels on the right pane of my blog: pictures, prayers, poetry, and lists.

Take Me Out to . . .

We went to see a Knight's baseball game on Friday night (no fireworks though :-( - I told him to double check!). Evidently they are minor league baseball. I asked 10 million questions during the game, so I got to learn some new stuff. They won 7 to 1 so that was good.



Mike bought his mom a drill at the Black and Decker store in Concord Mills for Mother's Day. I already got my mom her gift while I was in Florida. Also when we were at Concord Mills today, I found a silverware set at Bed, Bath, and Beyond that I like. Of course, I didn't have my 20% coupon with me so I will have to go back and get it later (I am making my mom proud).

The rest of my day was pretty unproductive. I think I am coming down from all the end-of-the-semester stress, and I don't quite know what to do with myself. Feeling a little directionless right now. I need to make a list and get back on track. It was good seeing Mike and glue-face this weekend though. (Mike had Ru's ears glued down because they were kind of cock-eyed - why didn't they do that for me when I was a baby??)

I think Chris went to Highpoint to see Amber tonight. I don't hear him about in the house. He recently had an opporunity to move to Detroit with his job, but he turned it down. I am happy about that! I couldn't find a better roommate.

I am going to go to church tomorrow which will help motivate me. I never like going to church alone, but I am always glad I went once I get there.

Beyond Pearls

If I just do my thing and you do yours,
We stand in danger of losing each other
And ourselves
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations;
But I am in this world to confirm you
As a unique human being.
And to be confirmed by you.

We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other;
The “I” detached from a “Thou”
Disintegrates

I do not find you by chance;
I find you by an active life
Of reaching out.

Rather than passively letting things happen to me,
I can act intentionally to make them happen.

I must begin with myself, true;
But I must not end with myself:
The truth begins with two.

--Walter Tubbs

Absence

According to Lord Byron, absence is the common cure for love. I guess that is pretty true. You can love someone from afar, but you can't be in love with them. People are meant to be in relationships, and relationships imply a presence in one another's life. The best part of being with someone is being there for each other. Without that, what is the point?

No one can have everything. That is why we have to decide what is most important to us and pursue those things, with passion and persistence. Be there for the people that are important to you. Make no excuses.

Grrrr

I am grumpy. I need to be loved and cuddled. I am drinking a Dr. Pepper. I don't care that it will keep me up all night. Grrr. The semester is officially over for me. I have to submit final grades for my class but then I am done. The trip to Florida was good. I will be working more this summer. I need to study for my qualifying exams this summer and write my dissertation proposal. It will be a busy summer.

Here is a picture from Joel's graduation. Since he forgot to wake me up, I didn't get to shower so I am not posting the picture with me in it. :-) Here is a goofy one I got of him and his brothers and sisters.

Florida

Well, I am flying to Florida for the weekend this afternoon. I doubt I will have consistent Internet access while gone. :-( I will be reachable on my cell phone though. Hugs! Pam

Sweet

I like being sweet to guys I like. I like letting them know they are special and doing thoughtful things - even sometimes when they don't reciprocate. That's just how I am; it gives me joy. The problem is that everyone will tell you you are supposed to play hard to get or else you will be taken for granted (then, not so joyful anymore). I guess guys tend to think they must be too good for you if you treat them well. Shouldn't they instead think, wow you are an awesome catch because you know how to treat someone well? I guess women do that too. You see people every day chasing after the man/woman who treats them like crap instead of the other one who treats them like gold. Is that just part of the human condition trying to make sure we stay miserable?

28 Bowls

I just fed rescued animals 28 bowls of food by shopping at the Animal Rescue Site.

We just watched Lady in the Water which wasn't so good. Without the scary lawn dogs, the movie would have just been really boring.

Getting sleepy - been working on papers all day. Can't think anymore.

Papers

I have submitted 3 out of 4 of the papers I am submitting to this conference. The one I have worked on the hardest is currently in queue with my advisor. We need to decide which track is appropriate for submission. Hopefully she will get back to me tonight. If not, I will give her a call in the morning. Just ordered a large pepperoni pizza, breadsticks, and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew. It looks like it is about to pour down rain outside. Chris just left for a softball game so I think he is either going to be home or at Midtown soon. Hugs!

Where's Adam?

Well, I am up. It is 2:53 AM. I just registered for AMCIS for $310. No one ever said academia was cheap. I am rooming with Matt and Amy (married couple) which should be interesting. :-) I am getting sick of revising papers, but the deadline is looming. Mike is coming over tonight to watch a movie and give me a break from studying. I will more than likely just order pizza. Ooh, I could order that on-line right now too. Hmm. I know, I am an odd duck.

My Avatar (And Joel's)

Pam

Joel

Plans

Tomorrow is more research papers. I fly to Tampa on Friday at 1 PM and arive around 2:45 PM. I haven't really made any Friday night plans yet other than I am going to crash at Pedro and Jamie's. Joel's graduation is Saturday morning, and we are driving to Gainesville Saturday afternoon. I am going out to dinner with Francis for Cinco de Mayo Saturday night. Sunday is going to be a day spent with the family. I am going to stay at my mom's new place. It will be the first time I won't have to sleep on the couch! Joel is going to drive me back to Tampa to catch a 1 PM flight Monday morning and I should be back to Charlotte around 2:45 PM.

Stressing

Back to stressing again. Had to go in this morning and sort out an issue some of my students were having in class. Then I met with my advisor about some research. She gave me some revisions to make that I have to turn around today. My office is a mess, and I am still working to make some deadlines. Fun, fun!

Destressing

I did a bit of destressing today after I finished the draft of my first paper. Then I went back to work on another paper revision. Now, I aim to destress a bit more. Unfortunately, I am now hyped up on caffeine. I will be happy when May 4th has come and gone. One good thing is that tomorrow is Wednesday, and I don't have to teach tomorrow night because it is a reading day.

I ate crap all day (tends to happen when I am overly stressed). I started this morning with vanilla ice cream and a chocolate chip cookie. That was followed by an afternoon trail mix bar. I was happy to find that I still had some diet Pepsi left over from the cook out. For a late lunch, I had a junior bacon cheese burger, fries, and a frosty. Then for lunch dessert I had half of a orange cream cinnamon roll. When I got home, I had a pulled pork sandwich and some tortilla chips with melted cheese and cream cheese (which is surprisingly a lot like sour cream). Ah yes, once this semester ends, I need to start back on my diet.

Fried

My brain is officially fried. I have 4 papers that I am trying to finalize and submit to ICIS by May 4th. Two are pretty good, two are crap. I just need one to hit so I am present at the conference to highlight my research interests. I am starving. Need to find some food.

Stupid MySpace Surveys

1. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Talking to Mark

2. what do people call you?
Pam!

3. Have you ever kissed someone with braces?
Yes, Ryan. He also had a retainer with fake teeth. Very sexy.

4. Who is the last missed call on your call log?
Jerry

5. If you could change your eye color, what would you change it to?
Green

6. What is the wallpaper on your phone?
A waterfall I hiked to

7. What do you have at your bedside every night?
Cats, laptop, Job

8. What was the last text message you sent?
"Give me a call"

9. Do any of your friends annoy you?
Of course

10. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard?
When I tickled Mark, and he fell out of bed

11. Who told you they loved you last?
Mark

12. Who do you make fun of the most?
Ra

13. What's the longest you've ever talked on the phone?
Maybe 8 hours

14. Did you see any friends yesterday?
Chris (roommate) and I went out to dinner

15. What do you think of hunting and fishing?
As long as I don't have to do it and you eat what you catch, sure

16. What is a noise that you cannot stand?
my alarm clock

17. Has something happened that you honestly thought you were gonna die?
Yes.

18. Last time you cried on someones shoulder?
Mike. Very nice shoulder to cry on.

19. What do you smell like right now?
Ice cream and chocolate chip cookies

20. Do you have a hard time admitting when you're wrong?
Not really.

21. Who did you last trust to keep a secret?
Mike

22. What shoes did you wear today?
Haven't. Still in my pajamas

23. what makes you lose ur appetite?
Break ups.

24. What color is your laundry basket?
White with grey handles

25. Does your mom make you wear a winter coat?
When she is around

26. How do you like your steak and chicken?
Steak, medium well with ketchup. Chicken smothered with cheese, bacon, and mushrooms.

27. Where did you get your last bruise/bruises from?
Looking . . . Strange, I don't see any

28. Where did you last go to eat at?
Moe's

29. Does someone currently like you?
Yes

30. What do you do when you pass graveyards?
Try not to think about it

31. Do you get along with your parents?
I get along with my mom when things are good.

32. Last thing you listened to?
Country radio station

33. Do you curse?
Only when I am really, really mad

34. Have you ever done something you regretted?
Yes. (These close ended questions are too eay)

35. Are you sarcastic?
No, Ne-ver

36. Do you have anyone who is Gay, or Bi thats your friend?
Yes

37. Do you wish at 11:11?
Sometimes, but also at 3:33 and so on

38. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital?
Nope

39. How many bones have you broken?
Zero

40. What's your favorite number?
8

42. Can you rap?
No

43. Do you believe in God?
Yes

44. What's one thing you can't live without?
Love

45. Are you Mexican?
Um, no

Hide

Sometimes I just want to hide under a rock and never come out. Sometimes it doesn't matter how good you are or how hard you try. Sometimes life just hurts. There is no such thing as fairness. Things don't even out in the end.

Having a bad day. I have to just suck it up because I have to finalize a paper tomorrow which is a pretty big deal. I don't have time to be depressed right now.