Down Time

I have some down time between classes. I need to make a bazillion copies, but I am going to wait just a little bit before I start doing that. Joel had his first driving lesson today, and he didn't run into the house. I am happy about that. He should be able to get his license in the next few weeks. The talk I had with Muhammed last night went pretty well. Like usual, we laughed a lot. I talked to Todd today. It is hard to date a guy when he is in Germany! I pretty much won't see him for about a month total. I dislike long distance relationships. Hopefully it won't feel so long distance when he actually lives in the same state. I want to be in a well-defined relationship where the guy knows I am what he wants. (I know that some guys out there might be saying "well, I do know!") I guess I have to qualify that statement by saying the guy has to be what I want too. (Not meant in a bad way) I know it takes time. I just dislike ambiguity. I like knowing how it is so I can act accordingly. Sometimes I can care less about the actual outcome than just knowing what the outcome is. I like making decisions and moving forward. People tend to overstate good news and delay bad news. You never know if you are making the right choice, so why flip flop about it? Make a decision and follow it to its conclusion. One thing about me is that I know what I want. Of course, I might be completely wrong for wanting what I want, but I am pretty clear as to what it is I want. I don't date more than one guy at a time. I tried that before, and it just gets really messy. It doesn't make sense to set yourself up in a situation where you know at least one person will eventually get hurt. I am in a tough situation right now because I have a lot going on. I simply don't have time for games. I need mature, stable relationships where I can just enjoy the other people. I don't want to worry because I have too much else to do. I guess I can be way too matter-of-fact. Right now, I am worried about Joel. I told him "let's talk" yesterday and just told him how things were. He has to decide if that is something he can handle. The talk went well. I think we are handling things in a healthy way. Communication is the key. Neither one of us are doing anything wrong. I don't have time to worry about him, but I know I have the responsibility to do my part in our friendship. I can only control my own actions and expect others to be able to control their own. However, I tend to realize the burdens of others and want to fix them. Joel, can I stop worrying about you now? Muhammed, I am not worrying about you. You are reggae dancing with girls and (jealous hmmph) driving them around. I think I am getting grumpy because I am a very social person, and I have been too busy to really spend much time socializing. And when you can't talk to the person you are dating but are being faithful, that means the number of people you are talking to diminishes. Okay, footnote - I am not mad or fustrated at Todd and the paragraph above has not much to do with him directly than just thoughts about me. Todd is fine. Todd and I are fine. I am a bit stressed though. I am going through a transition period where my schedule and life have completely changed - again. I am juggling, but I will feel better once I get to the point where everything is streamlined. Generally, I like change so don't worry too much. I like having a lot to do because it means I will have a lot accomplished. I'm doing well. I need to spend some time with friends. Some simple time. Nothing where I have to guard what I say or worry about other people's feelings. Time where we can laugh and have fun and just be alive. I think you have to be able to deal with the heavy stuff, but it is also needed to be able to just enjoy the people in your life and rejoice in their presence.