As I get older, I think I am refining my definition of love. I see all the young couples walking around campus holding hands, and I don't identify with them. Why? I am not that much older than they are . . . what is the difference?
Since I have fallen in love quite a few times, I need to modify my perspective on love or else it just seems like it becomes worn out. I can feel love for someone pretty quickly. It might not necessarily mean that I want to spend the rest of my life with them. So is falling in love important? Well, yeah! I think the initial passion and desire in the beginning of a relationship is something you should try to capitalize on and sustain for as long as possible. Because, heck, it is fun. You will reminisce about it for the rest of your lives. But, in the end, it is the Real Love (notice the capitalization) that matters. So now, what do I think that is?
Real Love. Saying and meaning "I love you" even when you are absolutely furious with a person. Making a commitment where you put aside your agenda for the combined good. Opening up the can of worms when you know something is bothering the other person even when it would be the easiest thing to just ignore the issue. Loving that he snores at night. Being able to do the little things that don't matter one way or another to you as long as they matter to the other person. Knowing that you want to have the other persons children. Keeping your promises. Caring enough to fight about things because you know that in the long run, the issue will HAVE to be resolved sometime. It might as well happen now. Truly knowing what he is thinking. Accepting that sometimes he probably ISN'T thinking. Knowing the little quirks and idiosyncrasies. Being comfortable together. Being the first one to reach out. Realizing in the middle of a disagreement, "hey, does this really matter?" Getting to the point where you aren't wishy-washy. "Oh, let's see how this goes" to "you are going to be my husband, and I am going to spend the rest of my life with you." (Obviously, such a statement will have to be mutual or else you are just going to scare the person off!)
"In a world full of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again. No matter how many lives you live."
Real Love is solid and sustainable. It doesn't always feel good, but if you think about it, anything that we are proud of accomplishing usually comes from perseverence - not hedonism.
"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything--the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things--all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying, 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.' "
On that note, I have completed the list of my ex-boyfriends on my personal website. Most people don't understand why I keep them up there, but I can't see not acknowledging them. Even if they aren't a part of my life now, they were special to me in the past, and in some ways, will always be special to me. Call me sentimental . . . or just weird. :-)
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4 comments:
I would add / modify just a couple of things... you don't have to love that he/she snores (I add 'she' since I'm the one with the allergies), you just have to be able to tolerate it without getting mad at them for no good reason. And, when arguing, to understand when it isn't the time. That's just as important as knowing when it is the time. Other than that, great list!
Speaking of love, I would love it if you helped me set up exchange server at my house. I need some serious help, could you help me love?
Of course, anything for you . . . Um, and can you help us paint the tall living room walls? :-)
I would love to.
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