Randomness

My first week of school is done. Things went pretty well overall. I had some interesting personal relationship complications earlier in the week. I have a lot of reading to do this weekend. I also committed to work about 4 hours. Even though I am working part time, I feel like I still need to get as much done as when I was working full-time. I am also hoping that they aren't expecting that of me.

I think Todd and I are boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever the heck you want to call it. I said I wouldn't date someone long distance, over 32, or who worked in IT. Not sure what the heck I am doing then! I am used to dating someone who needs me. He doesn't need me which is weird. Usually, I spend all my time in a relationship trying to catch the other person up. Now I feel like I need to catch up! Of course, I have a 8-9 year handicap. I better get busy! I think that is my competitive side getting a hold of me . . . although I am not competitive. I just like being the best. :-)

Joel and I are getting along well. There was some friction earlier in the week when Todd stayed over. Joel was hellbent on being out of the house, but he gave up around 2 AM when he was roaming around town on foot and stepped into a hole. I was pretty blunt with him about how things were going to be. I told him he needed to get a car/license ASAP. I feel a little bossy, but I know that is part of the reason he is here. I am proud of him. He has already gotten his learner's permit since he has been here (less than a week).

I haven't seen Muhammed since probably . . . Monday? He is one of my best friends here, but I know I have been stressing him out lately. I think we all have a lot of things going on right now and emotions are pretty high. We all have our insecurities.

I went to Winston-Salem yesterday to help Todd celebrate the closing on his new house. It is really nice. I am jealous! I want a new house. I really like my house though. It is a pretty interesting juxtaposition I am experiencing. Half the time, I feel like I am complaining. Then I try to remind myself to be thankful and emphasize the good things in my life to other people. Then I just come across as cocky. Can't win sometimes.

I have been having weird dreams lately. I did eat Chick-fil-A pretty late before going to bed last night. It was very interesting visiting my relatives. I wonder how things would have been like if I grew up in that environment. How different would I be? For the most part, I am thankful for who I am. I guess I had to take the hard way to get here, but here I am. That is what matters.

Talked to Rachael (my neice) on the phone yesterday. She is getting so grown up. I love her to death. It is neat that she is so smart, and I don't have to talk to her like a kid anymore. I hope I have kids. That would be so awesome. It is scary to think about raising them in the world's current state, but I think there is still hope to be had.

Auntie Dora and my cousin Doug are coming to visit soon. I am trying to figure out things to do while they are here.

I need to trim Chiaro's back claws. I have been calling her my tap dancer. Ra has been a lap cat moreso than usual. He is very happy that Joel is here (Joel's lap at least).

I need to do some meditation and prayer. I feel a little off-center today.

Who are my true friends? Who are the people who genuinely know me? To whom am I a true friend? What constitutes healthy relationships?

My mind is whirling. Sometimes I get that way. I need to be engaged in deep conversation. My mind needs to be intrigued. I often get introspective. However, I tend to think a lot about myself in rleation to others. What are they thinking? What are their problems? What can I do to help? Who really are they? Do they know who I am? Can't understand Goc, but can we understand one another?

I want a scanner. I have photo albums in paper format. They need to be digital. I need a stereo. My house needs to have more music in it. I want to go camping. I want to go to a play. I want to do yoga. I want to take time to breathe deeply. I want to sleep as peacefully as Ra. I want to feel safe. I wish I could sing. I want to be whispered to in a deep, strong, gentle, and loving voice. But whose? So many things seem ephemeral. What lasts?

Sorry, my thoughts are everywhere tonight.