Flying to the West Coast

I am leaving in the morning for San Francisco. I am excited and a little nervous. I am definitely tired!

I worked from home today. This evening Muhammed and I went over to help Bennett with his computer. We all ended up taking a ride on Bennett's boat across Lake Norman to Midtown for a bite to eat. I just got rhough packing. I am waiting for Muhammed to get back because he is going to crash on the couch and give me a ride to the airport in the morning.

Someone was talking about how people sometimes say they don't believe in God because they are mad at him. I was like that for a long time. I remember praying to God to protect me when I was a little kid, and I would blame him when the extremely bad things happened. I would think, well fine, I don't need you. And I don't need anyone else. I can take care of myself. I was much tougher when I was a kid than I am now.

And even though some God-awful things happened to me that no kid should ever have to go through, I realized that everything happened for a reason. I realized that God didn't make those things happen to me. And I realized how much of a better person I am now for having to survive through those things. So, what happened to me? Well, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't just take care of myself. I couldn't push everyone away anymore. I couldn't fix anything without God's help. His grace has kept me alive. Believing in Him isn't my choice, I have to believe in Him or I am simply just not going to be able to make it. Before I had to put all my faith in myself. And truthfully, I didn't have much self-esteem at all. Now, I know it isn't up to me. I don't quite know all the details, but I know I am one of the smallest parts of the plan. I can't control much of anything. I can't control my own emotions sometimes much less the emotions of others. I can't tell you what is going to happen tomorrow. And, it isn't my job either. I would rather live a life of gratitude for what God has given me than live a life of self-glorification for the things I have given myself.

I might be intermittent updating my blog, but I am sure you will forgive me as I will have my laptop but possibly not access to fast speed Internet. What the heck am I going to do!?

Kenny, where are you? You need to call me back. Are you doing all right.

Andrew, Happy Birthday. Sorry I haven't called lately.

Pei, I will take a look at your resume and send it back to you in a week or so.

Ann, Jamie, and Stephie, I got your e-mails. I am doing well. I miss you.

Joel, I saw you called - sorry I am too sleepy to return your call right now.

Muhammed, your poems are beautiful. I worry much more so than the object in which you write.

Todd, sorry about the picture man. You keep bringing your camera to Charlotte but not taking evidence back with you that you were here.

God, thank you for my friends and family. I don't understand you, but it would be arrogant to believe that I could.

Good night.