To Each His Own

If someone thinks I am this horrible person, does it makes sense for me to stay in contact with them? Am I a horrible person? Some of you out there know me better than others.

It almost makes things easier when someone is mean to you. It makes it easier to discredit what they say and do. Sean left the way he did because he didn't want to seem like the bad guy. It was so hard to get over him because he treated me really well and then he was just . . . gone. It took me realizing that he wasn't being himself. He even said that. For a long time, I wanted to believe that I knew the real Sean, and he didn't. That didn't get me very far. It was easier once i could think, I love my Sean . . . but he doesn't exist. I can't make him exist. And no one else is getting him either.

I am trying to not let other people make me feel badly about myself. I try to remind myself that the only one I truly have to answer to is God. I desire to pursue his standard. He knows what is truly in my heart. If there is evil in my heart, He will find it. If there is good, He will find that too. I have to trust that any award that is given to me will be through God and not my own doing.

I am not going to say that I am the best Christian in the world. My mind is full of doubts. Linda Callahan, a Christian counselor and the wife of one of the associate pastors at the Family Church, comforted me with this verse:

But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." 23 Then Jesus said to him, "'If You can?' Everything is possible to the one who believes." 24 Immediately the father of the boy cried out, "I do believe! Help my unbelief."

Help my disbelief. I take that as we can pray to God to help strengthen our faith when we are low on it. After all, Jesus is the author and perfector of our faith - not us.

I realize that I am a huge home-body. People ask me where I hang out in Charlotte, and I think . . . um, home. It is funny because when I do hang out with my friends, I always invite them over here or casually suggest somewhere that is half a mile from my house. Jessica still complains she hasn't seen the inside of my car. I do need to get out some more. I am never going to be a bar hopper or partier, but there are a lot of other things to do in Charlotte. I need to get to some waterfalls.

So, my friends have been called misfits and my house a circus. :-) Even so, I love my friends and my home. I wouldn't have it any other way.