I can't think too much right now. Brian - whoops, brain fried. Must work in the morning. So do I get to sleep an extra hour or do I have to wake up an extra hour earlier? I am so confused.
I hope trick-or-treaters come tomorrow. I didn't see any this weekend, and I have a cake dish and a turkey roaster full of candy.
Hugs,
Pam
Monday, October 31, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Dear God
Thank you for my friends. Thank you for reminding me that life is good. Thank you for the ability to laugh, love, and take care of one another. Please forgive me for forgetting to be thankful and forgetting to thank you more often. Life is hard, but I guess it wouldn't be so worthwhile if it weren't. I don't really understand any of it, but I know that You do. Thank you for making me realize when I am feeling sorry for myself that there are people who are worse off and I have the ability to make a difference in their lives. Please give me the strength to be able to do so. This is truly a crazy, beautiful world. Sometimes the ugliness blurs things, but it has to exist so that the beauty can resurface and we see it for what it is. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who doesn't know what the heck they are doing. Now that completely freaks me out. Then I realize through just a glimpse in someone else's eyes that they feel that way too. Maybe they are just better at hiding it than I am. In any event, it makes us all the same. I think, deep down, we are all searching for You.
My heart is racng tonight and making it hard to sleep. Might be from diet Pepsi at two in the morning, or it might be from all the thoughts racing around in my head. Regardless, it is a perfect time to spend some time alone with You. There are so many people who need You. I know I tend to focus on my own needs because I know first hand what they are, but I see small parts of what other people need. It is funny how the desires of people's hearts can be seen with small interactions. I ask that You take those most deperate needs in all of us, and fill them. A major task, but nothing You are incapable of. If I ask much of You, it is because I know You are truly the only one who is capable . . . Please, take care of them all. Please, impress upon us to take care of each other.
How do I seek You?? It is something I want to do, but I am not sure how it is done. I have always been strong on determination. That more than anything has gotten me where I am. I know how to get most things myself, but I don't know how to find You. Where are you? How can I find You while I am here? You ask me to dimiss my own agenda to follow yours, but how do I do that when I am not quite sure what it is?
So many questions? I know sometimes I sound beligerent. It is my fustration because I know I am not doing good enough. It is hard for me to accept that I can't be good enough for You. Why should You love me then? Your grace. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand unconditional love. I have tried to love others that way, but truthfully, sometimes, it just hurts too much. So how do You do it?
God, I pray for You. I know You are omnipotent and everything, but geez, you must get lonely sometimes. Even if you are surrounded by angels and those who have already come to join You, it must be lonely being You. No one understands You. There is no one to take care of You. It must be reall hard. Is that part of the reason You created us? It doesn't make sense that we are all just some huge science project.
I want You to hold me. You saved us once, but we really need saving every day.
Through Jesus,
Amen . . . Let it be.
My heart is racng tonight and making it hard to sleep. Might be from diet Pepsi at two in the morning, or it might be from all the thoughts racing around in my head. Regardless, it is a perfect time to spend some time alone with You. There are so many people who need You. I know I tend to focus on my own needs because I know first hand what they are, but I see small parts of what other people need. It is funny how the desires of people's hearts can be seen with small interactions. I ask that You take those most deperate needs in all of us, and fill them. A major task, but nothing You are incapable of. If I ask much of You, it is because I know You are truly the only one who is capable . . . Please, take care of them all. Please, impress upon us to take care of each other.
How do I seek You?? It is something I want to do, but I am not sure how it is done. I have always been strong on determination. That more than anything has gotten me where I am. I know how to get most things myself, but I don't know how to find You. Where are you? How can I find You while I am here? You ask me to dimiss my own agenda to follow yours, but how do I do that when I am not quite sure what it is?
So many questions? I know sometimes I sound beligerent. It is my fustration because I know I am not doing good enough. It is hard for me to accept that I can't be good enough for You. Why should You love me then? Your grace. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand unconditional love. I have tried to love others that way, but truthfully, sometimes, it just hurts too much. So how do You do it?
God, I pray for You. I know You are omnipotent and everything, but geez, you must get lonely sometimes. Even if you are surrounded by angels and those who have already come to join You, it must be lonely being You. No one understands You. There is no one to take care of You. It must be reall hard. Is that part of the reason You created us? It doesn't make sense that we are all just some huge science project.
I want You to hold me. You saved us once, but we really need saving every day.
Through Jesus,
Amen . . . Let it be.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Long Day
I have been crazy busy lately. I bought two Halloween costumes today. I bought a Vampirette costume and a foilage fairy costume (which looks better on Joel than me - don't ask).
Gene and I were supposed to go see a movie tonight, but he had to work late. What a punk! (Joking)
I am sleepy!! Nothing profound going on in my head tonight. I need to get some fangs.
Everyone is breaking up it seems like. Maybe something is in the air. I guess I should be lucky that I don't have a boyfriend because I would have to worry about breaking up. Boy, does that cause emotional distress! My prayers are with those who are going through it right now . . .
On a more positive note, Ra's butt is beginning to look more orange again.
Hugs,
Pam
Gene and I were supposed to go see a movie tonight, but he had to work late. What a punk! (Joking)
I am sleepy!! Nothing profound going on in my head tonight. I need to get some fangs.
Everyone is breaking up it seems like. Maybe something is in the air. I guess I should be lucky that I don't have a boyfriend because I would have to worry about breaking up. Boy, does that cause emotional distress! My prayers are with those who are going through it right now . . .
On a more positive note, Ra's butt is beginning to look more orange again.
Hugs,
Pam
Monday, October 24, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Proposal
I am sitting down to rewrite my proposal. I have been busy the past few days. Last night, Gene and I went to the Cheescake Factory and to the Comedy Zone. They were having a celebrity show with some people from Living Single. It was a good show. Today I had a picnic with the BISOM PhD students and faculty. I just got back. Tomorrow I am going to church then to the Renaissance Festival with some friends.
Hey, Rob. I tried to figure out more about you. From what I can find, you are either:
a) The child of Lynn and Robert
b) A big fan of The Cure, The Sisters of Mercy, The Primitives, Stereolab
c) About 30 years old
d) An employee of the national weather service
e) A Broncos fan
f) Take growth hormones
g) Into Dance Party
h) Into BMX bikes
i) Initialed RSW or REW
j) A swinger
Anywhere close? I found other info, but I didn't think it would be appropriate to post things like last names, addresses, and phone numbers. I mean, there ARE crazy Internet stalkers out there. :-)
Talk to you guys later,
Pam
Hey, Rob. I tried to figure out more about you. From what I can find, you are either:
a) The child of Lynn and Robert
b) A big fan of The Cure, The Sisters of Mercy, The Primitives, Stereolab
c) About 30 years old
d) An employee of the national weather service
e) A Broncos fan
f) Take growth hormones
g) Into Dance Party
h) Into BMX bikes
i) Initialed RSW or REW
j) A swinger
Anywhere close? I found other info, but I didn't think it would be appropriate to post things like last names, addresses, and phone numbers. I mean, there ARE crazy Internet stalkers out there. :-)
Talk to you guys later,
Pam
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Beautiful NC Day
The weather was absolutely perfect today. Pearl was topless on the way home from work. Joel painted another wall today, so the house is coming along well. I had my first official PhD exam last night. It went well except I wrote so much my pen ran out of ink. I have been meeting a lot of new people. I have been working/studying quite a bit as well. I have a PhD picnic on Saturday, and I am going to go to the Renaissance Festival on Sunday. I will probably get some medeival garb for Halloween. Joel bought some when he went last weekend. I thought about borrowing his suit of armor and going as my own knight in shining armor, but then I thought that might be too pathetic. Enough for tonight. I think I am going to try to get to sleep early. Made pork chops, mac and cheese, and asparagus for dinner. I like cooking.
Joel Reynolds, Joel Lee Reynolds, CPL Joel Reynolds - He was complaining that he wasn't hitting the search engines. :-)
Joel Reynolds, Joel Lee Reynolds, CPL Joel Reynolds - He was complaining that he wasn't hitting the search engines. :-)
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Sharing
I just listened to a good Christian-based message about the differences between men and women. I thought it was a good message for both singles and married couples, so I thought I would share it. I am not trying to create controversy, so if you don't subscribe to Christian doctrines, don't listen to it if you don't want to. Click here. I zipped up the .cda files that you can burn to a CD or listen to from your computer.
Is Love Overused?
We tend to think we should reserve the "L" word just for those special occassions or people. Why? Can love really get overused? Sure, it might make sense when we are talking about inanimate objects, but when we are talking about people, how in the world can we ever love too much?
You shouldn't have to be married to someone to love them. Why not be generous with love? Love your friends, family, co-workers, acquanitances, strangers, enemies . . .
Just because you love much doesn't mean that the object of your affection becomes less special. Loving does not make you less faithful in your love. If you truly love, then you would never intentionally do anything to hurt those that you love. Love doesn't have to be romantic to be genuine. To tell someone you love them isn't capitulation.
Reserving your love reflects poorly on you . . . not the person you are withholding it from. Try telling someone you love them today for the first time. We all have people in our lives that we truly do love but have never felt it appropriate to let them know. That's just silly.
Haste to love, procrastinate to hate.
You shouldn't have to be married to someone to love them. Why not be generous with love? Love your friends, family, co-workers, acquanitances, strangers, enemies . . .
Just because you love much doesn't mean that the object of your affection becomes less special. Loving does not make you less faithful in your love. If you truly love, then you would never intentionally do anything to hurt those that you love. Love doesn't have to be romantic to be genuine. To tell someone you love them isn't capitulation.
Reserving your love reflects poorly on you . . . not the person you are withholding it from. Try telling someone you love them today for the first time. We all have people in our lives that we truly do love but have never felt it appropriate to let them know. That's just silly.
Haste to love, procrastinate to hate.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Photo Montage
Joel buying his first car!
Joel Reynolds, Joel Reynold, Joel, Reynolds
(Making sure he hits the search engines :-)
Me Looking Sleepy . . .
Todd. The last visual image of an ex is the one that sticks . . .
Kammy, my cousin's daughter. So cute!
Cone-head trying to lick himself . . .
My first fire in my fireplace!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Avoid Quarrels . . .
- Learn to "drop the matter"
- Avoid quarrels not your own.
- Avoid gossip. "Without gossip a quarrel dies down."
- Learn to be a giver. "A generous man will prosper."
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Improve
Step 1: Exercise. We went jogging again tonight.
Step 2: Take photo off of yahoo profile. I am tired of comments about my outer beauty when people don't know anything about my inner beauty.
Step 3: Church. Gene is going to go with me to church on Sunday.
Step 4: See friends. I am going to D.C. to hang out with Ann and Jeanne the first weekend in November.
Step 5: Pray.
Step 2: Take photo off of yahoo profile. I am tired of comments about my outer beauty when people don't know anything about my inner beauty.
Step 3: Church. Gene is going to go with me to church on Sunday.
Step 4: See friends. I am going to D.C. to hang out with Ann and Jeanne the first weekend in November.
Step 5: Pray.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Jeremiah 29:11
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Monday, October 10, 2005
Non-Stick Pam
Joel and I went running tonight. I have never been that great of a runner. He gave me a calf rub afterwards because I was getting shin splits. Dancing in heels the other night plus running tonight - bad combo. I smell like cherry almond lotion now.
Interesting comment about my feet: "Some people have high arches. But, you, it looks like you were born with high heels on."
Assessment of My Life:
-School is going well. I am a little behind on a proposal for one of my classes, but everything else is going well.
-Work. Work has been awesome. I like working with Woody because we have fun with it. They have been very flexible with my work schedule which helps. And I got a really good performance review.
-House. The house is looking awesome! Joel has been painting, and we have been slowly putting everything together.
-Cats. Scuro is doing well. Ra's tail is healing up nicely. His fur is growing back so his butt is starting to look its normal orangish color.
-Financial. I can't complain. I am no where near the starving college student level that I am supposed to be. I have money invested and put away for retirement. My creit score is really high, and my school is paying for my PhD.
-Health. I am glad Joel is here because he gets me out jogging from time to time. I need to eat a little better, but I am not eating horribly.
-Time. Okay, this one needs some work. I don't have much free time, so I am often sleepy these days.
-Friends. I have been socializing with my friends. I have been making a lot of new friends. I need to make more female friends - the male friendships always get too complicated.
-Love Life. Yeah, the Todd thing sucks. I am sure I will hear from him one day. I have met a few nice guys on-line. Most of them are a little farther away than I would like, but I have been raising my standards lately. Can't always find the perfect guy right down the road (Joel would probably argue with that). I am reaffirming my strategy to find a great guy and a stable, happy relationship. I am going to do my best to find out if the next guy is the right one before getting all involved with anyone.
-Family. Good, I talked to Kim, Lisa, and Mom last week. I have already made Thanksgiving plans.
-Faith. I really need to work on this. I have been praying regularly, but I have done little other seeking recently. I think I am going to see if I can tag along with Matt and his wife to their church group next week.
-What else? I am sure I am missing some facet of my life, but I can't think of any right now.
Emotional health-wise, I am doing all right. Things get a little tougher when I am more stressed. However, I have realized that I really only get depressed when people I care about treat me like they don't care about me. I don't get depressed over school, money, work, etc. Those things are pretty much cake. I have a internal locus of control except for the most part. I make my choices and define my success. However, I have an external locus of control to the extent that what really matters to me are other people. Am I using these terms correctly? Let me check . . . ooh, I found an article. Hmmm. Well, whatever, you get the point.
I think I am going to go Latin dancing soon. It sounded like fun. Maybe I will take some ballroom dancing lessons or something. I really want to find a recreational activity. I know I don't have much spare time, but I think I would be lessed stressed if there was some kind of activity outside of all the things I have to get done.
Interesting comment about my feet: "Some people have high arches. But, you, it looks like you were born with high heels on."
Assessment of My Life:
-School is going well. I am a little behind on a proposal for one of my classes, but everything else is going well.
-Work. Work has been awesome. I like working with Woody because we have fun with it. They have been very flexible with my work schedule which helps. And I got a really good performance review.
-House. The house is looking awesome! Joel has been painting, and we have been slowly putting everything together.
-Cats. Scuro is doing well. Ra's tail is healing up nicely. His fur is growing back so his butt is starting to look its normal orangish color.
-Financial. I can't complain. I am no where near the starving college student level that I am supposed to be. I have money invested and put away for retirement. My creit score is really high, and my school is paying for my PhD.
-Health. I am glad Joel is here because he gets me out jogging from time to time. I need to eat a little better, but I am not eating horribly.
-Time. Okay, this one needs some work. I don't have much free time, so I am often sleepy these days.
-Friends. I have been socializing with my friends. I have been making a lot of new friends. I need to make more female friends - the male friendships always get too complicated.
-Love Life. Yeah, the Todd thing sucks. I am sure I will hear from him one day. I have met a few nice guys on-line. Most of them are a little farther away than I would like, but I have been raising my standards lately. Can't always find the perfect guy right down the road (Joel would probably argue with that). I am reaffirming my strategy to find a great guy and a stable, happy relationship. I am going to do my best to find out if the next guy is the right one before getting all involved with anyone.
-Family. Good, I talked to Kim, Lisa, and Mom last week. I have already made Thanksgiving plans.
-Faith. I really need to work on this. I have been praying regularly, but I have done little other seeking recently. I think I am going to see if I can tag along with Matt and his wife to their church group next week.
-What else? I am sure I am missing some facet of my life, but I can't think of any right now.
Emotional health-wise, I am doing all right. Things get a little tougher when I am more stressed. However, I have realized that I really only get depressed when people I care about treat me like they don't care about me. I don't get depressed over school, money, work, etc. Those things are pretty much cake. I have a internal locus of control except for the most part. I make my choices and define my success. However, I have an external locus of control to the extent that what really matters to me are other people. Am I using these terms correctly? Let me check . . . ooh, I found an article. Hmmm. Well, whatever, you get the point.
I think I am going to go Latin dancing soon. It sounded like fun. Maybe I will take some ballroom dancing lessons or something. I really want to find a recreational activity. I know I don't have much spare time, but I think I would be lessed stressed if there was some kind of activity outside of all the things I have to get done.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Another Late Night
After I thought I was settled in for the night, Jess called. She and some of her friends were at Midtown, so I joined them for a few hours. I am sleepy now.
I have been going out quite a lot lately. I guess it is good for me, but my clothes are definitely getting very smoky. I mean, you can usually wear a bra at least twice before having to wash it. Not lately - ugh - I can't stand smoke.
I am going to make an effort to actually sleep in my bed tonight. I have been staying on the couch for the past week. Hmm, maybe I am mad at myself.
I have been meeting a lot of new people lately. I just want to make more of an effort to keep in touch with those I have already met as well. It seems like we all get so busy sometimes.
Matt invited me to go with him and his wife to their church group. I think I would liek to try that out. He said there are a lot of college students who are close to my age in the group. I made sure that it wasn't just a whole bunch of married people though.
Very sleepy now. I need lots of hugs.
My friend Tim might come visit the weekend before Thanksgiving. I haven't seen him since my undergraduate graduation. My friend Henry might be down this way the beginning of December. It has been even longer since I have seen him. I don't think anyone else has plans of visiting any time soon. I know Dave wants to come see me, but I also know he has a pretty tight schedule right now.
I have been going out quite a lot lately. I guess it is good for me, but my clothes are definitely getting very smoky. I mean, you can usually wear a bra at least twice before having to wash it. Not lately - ugh - I can't stand smoke.
I am going to make an effort to actually sleep in my bed tonight. I have been staying on the couch for the past week. Hmm, maybe I am mad at myself.
I have been meeting a lot of new people lately. I just want to make more of an effort to keep in touch with those I have already met as well. It seems like we all get so busy sometimes.
Matt invited me to go with him and his wife to their church group. I think I would liek to try that out. He said there are a lot of college students who are close to my age in the group. I made sure that it wasn't just a whole bunch of married people though.
Very sleepy now. I need lots of hugs.
My friend Tim might come visit the weekend before Thanksgiving. I haven't seen him since my undergraduate graduation. My friend Henry might be down this way the beginning of December. It has been even longer since I have seen him. I don't think anyone else has plans of visiting any time soon. I know Dave wants to come see me, but I also know he has a pretty tight schedule right now.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Blackberry Wine
I went to the wine, art, and food festival with Joel, Bryan, Jess, and Todd (different Todd). I actually found some wines that didn't make me make a funny face after trying them. I think the blackberry wine was my favorite. Most of the wine vendors were local to NC so that was pretty cool. Todd (regular Todd) should have made it down since he is thinking about starting a vinyard in NC.
It was a nice day today, but the ground was a little mushy. I cleaned the house before leaving this morning and did some laundry. We went to the festival at 3 PM, and I just got back. I am going to do some homework tomorrow so I don't get behind.
Nothing that eventful to report on today.
It was a nice day today, but the ground was a little mushy. I cleaned the house before leaving this morning and did some laundry. We went to the festival at 3 PM, and I just got back. I am going to do some homework tomorrow so I don't get behind.
Nothing that eventful to report on today.
Conehead the Barbarian
I found my toe ring! Yay!
Joel, Bryan, and I went dancing at the Breakfast Club tonight. I had fun. I wish people weren't allowed to smoke in places like that. Nothing like working up a good sweat so that the smoke just sticks to your skin and hair. Yummy.
There is a wine festival tomorrow. Designated driver tickets are only $5 cheaper than wine tasting tickets. What a rip off! I will probably try to get some friends together to go.
I missed class today. Joel and I went to South Park Mall so I could exchange the bras he got me for my birthday. They were nice, but I am not a big fan of a lot of padding in a bra. So, anyway, today was his first day driving on the interstate. We are still alive. However, it started raining really hard and traffic got backed up, so by the time I made it back to the University area, class was probably already over. I hope they don't get too upset with me!
I talked to Lisa (my sister) and Mom on the phone today. I got to talk to my neice Rachael too. She is getting so big! Her birthday is coming up soon. She will be half my age - 13. Wait a minute - unless she is 13 and will be 14. It is so hard to keep up!
I need to go out more often. I like getting compliments from strangers. Some of them are kinda scary, but some of them are genuine and nice. The bouncer guy at the club was sweet. He said I looked very pretty and smiled at me. I stayed clear of the guy who said "damn, girl" as I walked by. No wonder no one ever picks me up in bars or dance clubs, I run away! I know I am a very social person, but it some ways, I am really shy.
Sleepy. G'night.
Joel, Bryan, and I went dancing at the Breakfast Club tonight. I had fun. I wish people weren't allowed to smoke in places like that. Nothing like working up a good sweat so that the smoke just sticks to your skin and hair. Yummy.
There is a wine festival tomorrow. Designated driver tickets are only $5 cheaper than wine tasting tickets. What a rip off! I will probably try to get some friends together to go.
I missed class today. Joel and I went to South Park Mall so I could exchange the bras he got me for my birthday. They were nice, but I am not a big fan of a lot of padding in a bra. So, anyway, today was his first day driving on the interstate. We are still alive. However, it started raining really hard and traffic got backed up, so by the time I made it back to the University area, class was probably already over. I hope they don't get too upset with me!
I talked to Lisa (my sister) and Mom on the phone today. I got to talk to my neice Rachael too. She is getting so big! Her birthday is coming up soon. She will be half my age - 13. Wait a minute - unless she is 13 and will be 14. It is so hard to keep up!
I need to go out more often. I like getting compliments from strangers. Some of them are kinda scary, but some of them are genuine and nice. The bouncer guy at the club was sweet. He said I looked very pretty and smiled at me. I stayed clear of the guy who said "damn, girl" as I walked by. No wonder no one ever picks me up in bars or dance clubs, I run away! I know I am a very social person, but it some ways, I am really shy.
Sleepy. G'night.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
More Thanks
More people to thank for acknowledging my birthday: Joel (dinner), Cecil, Pedro, Ann, Rick, Kenny, Wes, and Pete.
I am very full. I had a steak and potato and fried cheesecake for dessert.
I have some free time next week because I am off from class on Monday and Tuesday. I am going to do something fun this weekend. However, I do have to put in some hours rewriting my proposal. Su and I are working together on two projects so I have been seeing a lot of him lately. I wish he would talk more in class though because since we are the only two in class, I have to pretent to know what I am talking about all the time.
Muhammed and I had this theory. We decided that 26th birthdays are just supposed to suck. He didn't have a very great birthday a few months ago. Mine was okay, but I am trying to remind myself to be thankful for all the people who did call instead of being upset about the one person who didn't call.
Anyway, Muhammed - you are supposed to call tomorrow and tell me when you want to get together. It has been forever since we have hung out.
Here is a picture of Joel and I before going out to dinner:
I am very full. I had a steak and potato and fried cheesecake for dessert.
I have some free time next week because I am off from class on Monday and Tuesday. I am going to do something fun this weekend. However, I do have to put in some hours rewriting my proposal. Su and I are working together on two projects so I have been seeing a lot of him lately. I wish he would talk more in class though because since we are the only two in class, I have to pretent to know what I am talking about all the time.
Muhammed and I had this theory. We decided that 26th birthdays are just supposed to suck. He didn't have a very great birthday a few months ago. Mine was okay, but I am trying to remind myself to be thankful for all the people who did call instead of being upset about the one person who didn't call.
Anyway, Muhammed - you are supposed to call tomorrow and tell me when you want to get together. It has been forever since we have hung out.
Here is a picture of Joel and I before going out to dinner:
Thanks Mom!
Today is my birthday, and the person I have to thank most is my mom. She has probably been the one to put up with the most grief from me over the years. When things go wrong, sometimes I tend to find her responsible. I know she loves me, and I love her. Thanks for being my mom.
Special thanks to:
Andrew - great happy birthday movie clip. Definitely made me smile.
Frank - I love that you always remember my birthday.
Pei Jen - for calling me an old hag.
Kim & Tony - thanks for the earrings
Tausha & Michael - thanks for the card!
Mom - thanks for the license plate thingy and picture frame
Lisa et al. - thanks for the ornament and earrings
Joel - thanks for the bras, keyboard, putting up with me
Stacey - thanks for the CD. I know I need to get back to church!
Gene - Thanks for the e-card
Jason - thanks for the e-mail
Tim - thanks for the e-mail. You did get the right day
Bryan - tahnks for dinner and the morning text message
Dr. Khouja - thanks for the hershey's kisses
Mrs. Burroughs - the great happy birthday wish she left on my voicemail
Work et al. - thanks to those who remembered. Glad you forgot to bring the tiara.
Muhammed - thanks for the text message
Jess, Susan, etc. - thanks for the happy birthday posts
Scuro and Ra - thanks for playing with the ribbon from the wrappings
Dave - thanks for the IM last night
Dr. Ribarsky - thanks for making the abstract due at midnight instead of this morning
I think that covers it so far. Love you guys.
Pam
Special thanks to:
Andrew - great happy birthday movie clip. Definitely made me smile.
Frank - I love that you always remember my birthday.
Pei Jen - for calling me an old hag.
Kim & Tony - thanks for the earrings
Tausha & Michael - thanks for the card!
Mom - thanks for the license plate thingy and picture frame
Lisa et al. - thanks for the ornament and earrings
Joel - thanks for the bras, keyboard, putting up with me
Stacey - thanks for the CD. I know I need to get back to church!
Gene - Thanks for the e-card
Jason - thanks for the e-mail
Tim - thanks for the e-mail. You did get the right day
Bryan - tahnks for dinner and the morning text message
Dr. Khouja - thanks for the hershey's kisses
Mrs. Burroughs - the great happy birthday wish she left on my voicemail
Work et al. - thanks to those who remembered. Glad you forgot to bring the tiara.
Muhammed - thanks for the text message
Jess, Susan, etc. - thanks for the happy birthday posts
Scuro and Ra - thanks for playing with the ribbon from the wrappings
Dave - thanks for the IM last night
Dr. Ribarsky - thanks for making the abstract due at midnight instead of this morning
I think that covers it so far. Love you guys.
Pam
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Where the Heck Did My Toe Ring Go?
I didn't think I wouldn't notice a toe ring coming off my foot, but evidently, I didn't. It is gone! It was such a good toe ring. Let's take a minute to mourn its loss . . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Anyway, I went to the Melting Pot with Bryan tonight (not Jess's ex-Bryan, a different one). It was enjoyable. I didn't really want to go to the Melting Pot ON my birthday because of bad memories from last year, but I had a good time. It was a different environment so it didn't have quite the same effect. I don't think I am ever going to go to the Melting Pot on 4th Street ever again.
I appreciate people who appreciate others. Of course, part of the reason is because I like when I am appreciated. However, it isn't just that. There is something about a person who can identify something good about someone else and not be afraid to bring it to their attention. I think so many times, we feel vulnerable if we let people know we like something about them. It is almost like complimenting someone else gives them an upperhand or something. It is just refreshing when you see someone who tries to find the beauty in others instead of their faults. In somes ways, that shows a level of self-confidence.
I see myself withholding compliments sometimes because of my own insecurities. I try not to do it. One of the things I think is best about me is that I am genuine. Most of the time, if I feel a certain way, I let people know. In fact, I have a hard time not sharing how I feel about things even if it would be advantageous to me. Sometimes I know that I could manipulate someone if I played it cool or refrained from saying certain things or doing certain things. It is tempting because I get tired of getting hurt. However, in the end, I just tend to be me. I figure if they really care, then they will find the merit in that. If I care about someone, I tell them. It might be defeating the excitement of the chase, but who wants a relationship that they can only keep if they keep running away from it?
Sorry, I am getting all philosophical today. It is interesting how much significance an event has in your life depends on the events before and after that event. I really cared about Jason when we were together, but I am okay that we aren't. I don't even think about that much anymore. If anything, I still am challenged to keep Sean out of my head. That was a major event in my life. It is a marker in which all other events in my life will be compared. It makes bad things not feel so bad because in comparison the pain is a pale and insignificant comparison.
Just in case you are wondering, I am not mentioning Todd not because he is insignificant. I don't think my thoughts are well enough formulated to write anything worthwhile regarding that topic.
I miss the time Ryan and I went to the Smoky Mountains for our one year anniversary (or was it two years?). It was the first time I ever went camping or really even on a vacation. We were young and in love. And that is the first time I discovered waterfalls!
I really hope things are working out with him and the girl he said he met. I talked to Tom the other day, and he seemed pretty upset about his current situation. I need to give him a call. I didn't really have time to talk to him for very long when I called the other day.
I talked to my sister Kim on the phone today. I really feel for her because she is still on crazy pain medicine for her back. I know how badly it sucked when I hurt my back, and I know her having to go through this for months must be pretty hard. Well maybe, the drugs can contribute to her writing, and she can join the ranks of Hemingway, Coleridge, and Poe.
One minute until my birthday. Good night.
. . .
. . .
. . .
Anyway, I went to the Melting Pot with Bryan tonight (not Jess's ex-Bryan, a different one). It was enjoyable. I didn't really want to go to the Melting Pot ON my birthday because of bad memories from last year, but I had a good time. It was a different environment so it didn't have quite the same effect. I don't think I am ever going to go to the Melting Pot on 4th Street ever again.
I appreciate people who appreciate others. Of course, part of the reason is because I like when I am appreciated. However, it isn't just that. There is something about a person who can identify something good about someone else and not be afraid to bring it to their attention. I think so many times, we feel vulnerable if we let people know we like something about them. It is almost like complimenting someone else gives them an upperhand or something. It is just refreshing when you see someone who tries to find the beauty in others instead of their faults. In somes ways, that shows a level of self-confidence.
I see myself withholding compliments sometimes because of my own insecurities. I try not to do it. One of the things I think is best about me is that I am genuine. Most of the time, if I feel a certain way, I let people know. In fact, I have a hard time not sharing how I feel about things even if it would be advantageous to me. Sometimes I know that I could manipulate someone if I played it cool or refrained from saying certain things or doing certain things. It is tempting because I get tired of getting hurt. However, in the end, I just tend to be me. I figure if they really care, then they will find the merit in that. If I care about someone, I tell them. It might be defeating the excitement of the chase, but who wants a relationship that they can only keep if they keep running away from it?
Sorry, I am getting all philosophical today. It is interesting how much significance an event has in your life depends on the events before and after that event. I really cared about Jason when we were together, but I am okay that we aren't. I don't even think about that much anymore. If anything, I still am challenged to keep Sean out of my head. That was a major event in my life. It is a marker in which all other events in my life will be compared. It makes bad things not feel so bad because in comparison the pain is a pale and insignificant comparison.
Just in case you are wondering, I am not mentioning Todd not because he is insignificant. I don't think my thoughts are well enough formulated to write anything worthwhile regarding that topic.
I miss the time Ryan and I went to the Smoky Mountains for our one year anniversary (or was it two years?). It was the first time I ever went camping or really even on a vacation. We were young and in love. And that is the first time I discovered waterfalls!
I really hope things are working out with him and the girl he said he met. I talked to Tom the other day, and he seemed pretty upset about his current situation. I need to give him a call. I didn't really have time to talk to him for very long when I called the other day.
I talked to my sister Kim on the phone today. I really feel for her because she is still on crazy pain medicine for her back. I know how badly it sucked when I hurt my back, and I know her having to go through this for months must be pretty hard. Well maybe, the drugs can contribute to her writing, and she can join the ranks of Hemingway, Coleridge, and Poe.
One minute until my birthday. Good night.
Tomorrow is My Birthday
Wow, that is depressing. Anyway . . .
Joel painted the kitchen today while I was at work. I think it will look good. I can never tell. Worse comes to worse, I can always repaint - or pay someone to repaint.
I am going to the Melting Pot tonight. I don't really have any plans for tomorrow though. Next week is fall break (a few days) so I should be able to catch up on some of the stuff I need to get done. I also want to get some time to relax.
Not much else to reporting on today. I just got up this morning, went to work, came home, helped Joel with the second coat on the kitchen, and now I am going to take a shower and get ready for dinner. The end.
Joel painted the kitchen today while I was at work. I think it will look good. I can never tell. Worse comes to worse, I can always repaint - or pay someone to repaint.
I am going to the Melting Pot tonight. I don't really have any plans for tomorrow though. Next week is fall break (a few days) so I should be able to catch up on some of the stuff I need to get done. I also want to get some time to relax.
Not much else to reporting on today. I just got up this morning, went to work, came home, helped Joel with the second coat on the kitchen, and now I am going to take a shower and get ready for dinner. The end.
Let's See What My Destiny Is for Today
Daily Verse:
Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.
--Isaiah 55:6
Horoscope:
You'll be torn between keeping absolutely, one hundred percent silent, and letting every single fact become common knowledge. The real dilemma will be deciding whether it's more important to be the authority figure or please the one who's one step over you on the ladder. Such a decision .... Still, once you've made it, don't waffle. Let the rest of the world play games. Think of how much fun it'll be to watch.
Chinese Horoscope:
This day will be particularly favorable to large-scale financial operations; you'll be confident, and you won't hesitate to use your good relationships. You'll feel very happy in the company of your mate; you'll want to linger and to let yourself go. This planetary ambiance will stimulate you, and you'll have the desire to be up to any task. You may have such a passion for collective life that you'll join an association or throw a party; follow your inclination
Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.
--Isaiah 55:6
Horoscope:
You'll be torn between keeping absolutely, one hundred percent silent, and letting every single fact become common knowledge. The real dilemma will be deciding whether it's more important to be the authority figure or please the one who's one step over you on the ladder. Such a decision .... Still, once you've made it, don't waffle. Let the rest of the world play games. Think of how much fun it'll be to watch.
Chinese Horoscope:
This day will be particularly favorable to large-scale financial operations; you'll be confident, and you won't hesitate to use your good relationships. You'll feel very happy in the company of your mate; you'll want to linger and to let yourself go. This planetary ambiance will stimulate you, and you'll have the desire to be up to any task. You may have such a passion for collective life that you'll join an association or throw a party; follow your inclination
On-Line Bill Pay . . . . Ouch
Wow, my on-line bill pay outgoing balance is $6,752.54. Yikes!
Oh, I opened a brokerage account. Here is what I am invested in so far:
I better get to bed. I have been getting less sleep than I need lately.
G'Night and Sweet Dreams.
Oh, I opened a brokerage account. Here is what I am invested in so far:
- CNZLX
- FAMVX
- ICHCX
- LNGZX
- TASCX
- TEQUX
- UMBWX
I better get to bed. I have been getting less sleep than I need lately.
G'Night and Sweet Dreams.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Happiness is Sleeping on the Couch
I slept on the couch again last night. Something cozy about that. I think it will be awesome when it gets cold enough to have a fire in the fireplace. Joel is standing behind me making fun of my typos.
Good morning!
Good morning!
The Marvels of Modern Technology
Brought to you by StatCounter:
Time ISP/IP Referring URL
4 Oct 01:06:39 gastonia1.nc.us.da.qwest.net (65.149.37.31) www.pamspam.com/personal.htm
3 Oct 00:27:53 gastonia1.nc.us.da.qwest.net (65.149.37.31) www.pamspam.com/personal.htm
Time ISP/IP Referring URL
4 Oct 01:06:39 gastonia1.nc.us.da.qwest.net (65.149.37.31) www.pamspam.com/personal.htm
3 Oct 00:27:53 gastonia1.nc.us.da.qwest.net (65.149.37.31) www.pamspam.com/personal.htm
Monday, October 03, 2005
Defective J
My J is broken on my new laptop. It keeps popping up. I notice this mostly when I type "Joel" or pamela_j_karr. I need to make myself invisible on Yahoo. I keep getting weird people sending me IMs. I like meeting new people, but I don't think some of those people are people I should be talking to.
My birthday is in a few days. How depressing. Well, it can't be worse than my birthday last year. I had a pretty good birthday the year before that. I can't even remember the birthday before that one. I am getting old.
I went to bed about 3-4 AM this morning. I was up writing a proposal for one of my classes.
My friend Francis has called me a few times, but I have been too busy to give him a call back. I liked him for a while (I think we went on one date). Then I realized that who I am completely freaks him out sometimes. It is an interesting relationship. He is a really good guy - the kind that gives house warming gifts, writes thank you notes, and gives you a call to just keep in touch.
Joel is washing dishes. he has been great helping me around the house. I have been so busy lately, I have been forgetting to do things - like cleaning the litter box. He helps me take care of things and doesn't complain or get mad at me.
I am IMing with Dave a bit right now. I really need to get to bed. It is funny because I sit in front of a computer most of the the, study them the rest of the day, and come home at night and get on the computer to wind down before bed.
My birthday is in a few days. How depressing. Well, it can't be worse than my birthday last year. I had a pretty good birthday the year before that. I can't even remember the birthday before that one. I am getting old.
I went to bed about 3-4 AM this morning. I was up writing a proposal for one of my classes.
My friend Francis has called me a few times, but I have been too busy to give him a call back. I liked him for a while (I think we went on one date). Then I realized that who I am completely freaks him out sometimes. It is an interesting relationship. He is a really good guy - the kind that gives house warming gifts, writes thank you notes, and gives you a call to just keep in touch.
Joel is washing dishes. he has been great helping me around the house. I have been so busy lately, I have been forgetting to do things - like cleaning the litter box. He helps me take care of things and doesn't complain or get mad at me.
I am IMing with Dave a bit right now. I really need to get to bed. It is funny because I sit in front of a computer most of the the, study them the rest of the day, and come home at night and get on the computer to wind down before bed.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Whitewater Rafting
We went whitewater rafting today. It was awesome. The water level was down from the time Kenny and I went, but it was still a good ride. I read journal articles on the way to Hot Springs. It was too dark on the way back, so I tried to snooze.
The side loaf makes me smile.
I feel a little pressed for time because I have a lot I need to get done for next week. However, I knew that I had to get out of the house for a while. I am trying to be less of a workaholic than I usually am. This is my life, and I want to live it.
I know I am pretty pensive on my blog. I guess I have a lot of questions about life. I try to figure it all out, but I know that I can't. I do my best to be positive and strong and confident day in and day out, so my blog tends to be where I put my fustration, weakness, and insecurities. I am not trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me or to think I am a martyr of some kind. I am just writing.
I get a little perturbed when I find people posting negative feedback on my blog. It doesn't make sense to me. First, if someone didn't like me, why would they frequent my blog? Second, if someone is pouring their heart out about their problems and openly admitting they have faults, what is the point of tearing them down even more?
It would be like me saying "I am depressed." then someone replying "yeah, you are seriously screwed up." No duh detective! I think if you are ready to criticize someone you should be ready to help them. If you tell someone, "you need to change" and they say "okay, please help me" and you say "sorry, you are on your own" then the criticism is just that - criticism, hard words. I mean, most of the time people know that they need to do something, but they have a hard time actually being able to do it. No matter how many times you ask me to move a mountain and no matter how many times I try to push against the mountain to move it, that darn mountain isn't going to move. I am a big believer in helping people. I think it is important to build people up and to love them. Many studies have been done on the effects of positive and negative feedback used in teaching. I have not yet found one study that posits negative reinforcement having a more significant effect on performance or behavior than positive reinforcement.
Love comes from God. Although He should be feared and worshipped, He is not a God of tough love. He is a God of forgiveness, mercy, and grace. And amen to that.
The side loaf makes me smile.
I feel a little pressed for time because I have a lot I need to get done for next week. However, I knew that I had to get out of the house for a while. I am trying to be less of a workaholic than I usually am. This is my life, and I want to live it.
I know I am pretty pensive on my blog. I guess I have a lot of questions about life. I try to figure it all out, but I know that I can't. I do my best to be positive and strong and confident day in and day out, so my blog tends to be where I put my fustration, weakness, and insecurities. I am not trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me or to think I am a martyr of some kind. I am just writing.
I get a little perturbed when I find people posting negative feedback on my blog. It doesn't make sense to me. First, if someone didn't like me, why would they frequent my blog? Second, if someone is pouring their heart out about their problems and openly admitting they have faults, what is the point of tearing them down even more?
It would be like me saying "I am depressed." then someone replying "yeah, you are seriously screwed up." No duh detective! I think if you are ready to criticize someone you should be ready to help them. If you tell someone, "you need to change" and they say "okay, please help me" and you say "sorry, you are on your own" then the criticism is just that - criticism, hard words. I mean, most of the time people know that they need to do something, but they have a hard time actually being able to do it. No matter how many times you ask me to move a mountain and no matter how many times I try to push against the mountain to move it, that darn mountain isn't going to move. I am a big believer in helping people. I think it is important to build people up and to love them. Many studies have been done on the effects of positive and negative feedback used in teaching. I have not yet found one study that posits negative reinforcement having a more significant effect on performance or behavior than positive reinforcement.
Love comes from God. Although He should be feared and worshipped, He is not a God of tough love. He is a God of forgiveness, mercy, and grace. And amen to that.
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