Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Happy
For goodness sake, when people are happy, you should let them be happy! Life is so short, why should we try to rob somene else of their happiness? When someone is happy, be happy for them. I might even go as far as to say when people are sad, let them be sad! If they are sad, console them but don't expect them to become unsad.
That is one of the biggest problems with society. Emotions are taboo; they have a negative connotation. To cry or to laugh too often results in people telling you that you must grow up . . . Children can laugh 15 times a day, cry 5, and have any range of emotion from morning to night. Feeling is invigorating! But we are supposed to be adults, right? We should be "stable" and "responsible," not impulsive like little children . . .
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Thank you, Jesus! You remind us that what the world wants isn't what God wants.
I want to feel the gamut of my emotions. I want to revel in my sadnesses and rejoice in new love. I want to cry during sad country songs and laugh at cheesy jokes. I want to rebuke filth from entering my life and invite goodness with open arms. I want to live intentionally. I want to love without reservation. I want to be grumpy when I am sleepy and seek comfort when I am vulnerable. I want to cower under my covers when I am scared, take naps when I am sleepy, work when I am feeling motivated, and have fun when I am ready to play.
So much of our time and energy is spent trying to change how we feel to suit others or our own expectations. In many ways, it just cripples us. I think if everyone could just accept us for where we are, we all would be able to grow so much faster and stronger . . . now don't mistake me here . . . acceptance for the moment we are in does not mean complacency . . . accepting weakness is reality, empowering it is uncalled for. As with everything else, there is a fine balance between loving and supporting with the intent to counteract change or to catalyze it.
That is one of the biggest problems with society. Emotions are taboo; they have a negative connotation. To cry or to laugh too often results in people telling you that you must grow up . . . Children can laugh 15 times a day, cry 5, and have any range of emotion from morning to night. Feeling is invigorating! But we are supposed to be adults, right? We should be "stable" and "responsible," not impulsive like little children . . .
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Thank you, Jesus! You remind us that what the world wants isn't what God wants.
I want to feel the gamut of my emotions. I want to revel in my sadnesses and rejoice in new love. I want to cry during sad country songs and laugh at cheesy jokes. I want to rebuke filth from entering my life and invite goodness with open arms. I want to live intentionally. I want to love without reservation. I want to be grumpy when I am sleepy and seek comfort when I am vulnerable. I want to cower under my covers when I am scared, take naps when I am sleepy, work when I am feeling motivated, and have fun when I am ready to play.
So much of our time and energy is spent trying to change how we feel to suit others or our own expectations. In many ways, it just cripples us. I think if everyone could just accept us for where we are, we all would be able to grow so much faster and stronger . . . now don't mistake me here . . . acceptance for the moment we are in does not mean complacency . . . accepting weakness is reality, empowering it is uncalled for. As with everything else, there is a fine balance between loving and supporting with the intent to counteract change or to catalyze it.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Dirt
Okay, it seems like new random people are hitting my blog, so I thought I would make it easy for you to get some dirt on me:
-I am half Chinese, but I don't act it at all. I hate seafood and tea, am not fond of rice, and always as for a fork at Chinese restaurants if they only give me chopsticks.
-I am 5' 3 1/2''. The half is very important.
-I can't see out of my left eye; I have been legally blind in it since birth. Therefore, I hate to drive and often seek out friends to drive me around.
-I have two cats. I have not met the 3 cat-cat lady rule, so I am safe.
-I am currently typing this in my underwear, of which I bought on eBay (they were new!)
-I like country music.
-In high school, I didn't get the normal superlatives. I got named as "Diderot, most likely to write my own encyclopedia" and "most likely to correct the dictionary."
-I am addicted to email. I check my email very often, but I tend to respond a lot less often.
-I like naps. I am a big fan of mid-afternoon naps.
-I have very small feet, measured once at size 4 and a half. No, they weren't bound when I was a small child.
-
-I am half Chinese, but I don't act it at all. I hate seafood and tea, am not fond of rice, and always as for a fork at Chinese restaurants if they only give me chopsticks.
-I am 5' 3 1/2''. The half is very important.
-I can't see out of my left eye; I have been legally blind in it since birth. Therefore, I hate to drive and often seek out friends to drive me around.
-I have two cats. I have not met the 3 cat-cat lady rule, so I am safe.
-I am currently typing this in my underwear, of which I bought on eBay (they were new!)
-I like country music.
-In high school, I didn't get the normal superlatives. I got named as "Diderot, most likely to write my own encyclopedia" and "most likely to correct the dictionary."
-I am addicted to email. I check my email very often, but I tend to respond a lot less often.
-I like naps. I am a big fan of mid-afternoon naps.
-I have very small feet, measured once at size 4 and a half. No, they weren't bound when I was a small child.
-
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Head over Heels
That saying just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, isn't your head over your heels normally? Wouldn't it be like telling someone that you make them feel normal? Confusing.
Jess and Brian are going to house sit for me not this coming week but the next. I had painters come and paint the entry way. It looks good. There are still some yellow walls that I need to get rid of, but all the high walls have been painted. They go so fast! They have this huge roller on this long stick and these gigantic buckets. It's crazy.
I have been busy lately . . . class, work, etc. Ugh, it never ends. I am excited about teaching my first class in the fall. It hit home today when I actually saw that I had a class roster. Weird.
Dave, when are you going to come visit me? I have been waiting for you to come see me all summer!! Sad Pam. I have a guest room all ready and everything.
How is everyone else doing? I feel like I have been so far removed from everything. I want to figure out a way to have less responsibilities, but I can never seem to find something that I am willing to let go. I have been trying to teach the cats how to take out the trash but to no avail.
Learning from my summer experience, I already bought my books for the fall. Watch me get the wrong edition or something. I was thinking about dropping a class to have a lighter load for research, but I need to take multivariate statistics for some of the papers I am working on. The other two classes (hopefully) will be seminar based classes, so hopefully they won't be tremendous amounts of work.
I need to get to bed soon because I am actually going in to work tomorrow. I always forget to calculate transit time in my arrival, so I tend to be late. I make up for it the time I work from home and triage phone calls when I should be studying, but I like to make it in relatively close to 9 AM.
Hmm. Not writing much of substance tonight.
Jess and Brian are going to house sit for me not this coming week but the next. I had painters come and paint the entry way. It looks good. There are still some yellow walls that I need to get rid of, but all the high walls have been painted. They go so fast! They have this huge roller on this long stick and these gigantic buckets. It's crazy.
I have been busy lately . . . class, work, etc. Ugh, it never ends. I am excited about teaching my first class in the fall. It hit home today when I actually saw that I had a class roster. Weird.
Dave, when are you going to come visit me? I have been waiting for you to come see me all summer!! Sad Pam. I have a guest room all ready and everything.
How is everyone else doing? I feel like I have been so far removed from everything. I want to figure out a way to have less responsibilities, but I can never seem to find something that I am willing to let go. I have been trying to teach the cats how to take out the trash but to no avail.
Learning from my summer experience, I already bought my books for the fall. Watch me get the wrong edition or something. I was thinking about dropping a class to have a lighter load for research, but I need to take multivariate statistics for some of the papers I am working on. The other two classes (hopefully) will be seminar based classes, so hopefully they won't be tremendous amounts of work.
I need to get to bed soon because I am actually going in to work tomorrow. I always forget to calculate transit time in my arrival, so I tend to be late. I make up for it the time I work from home and triage phone calls when I should be studying, but I like to make it in relatively close to 9 AM.
Hmm. Not writing much of substance tonight.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Unmotivated
Bleh. How Pam feels right now.
I have some painters coming over tomorrow to paint the high walls in the foyer. Here is my list of things to do tomorrow:
1) Go see Dr. Cooper about Test 2
2) Write my section for the group project
3) Start Test 3
4) Go to class
Tomorrow will be a strictly academic day. I tend to focus more on work and home lately. I need to get back into the groove of studying. I have to start preparing for the class I am teaching in the fall.
My check engine light is still on, but I don't think I will have time to do anything about that until Monday.
I have some painters coming over tomorrow to paint the high walls in the foyer. Here is my list of things to do tomorrow:
1) Go see Dr. Cooper about Test 2
2) Write my section for the group project
3) Start Test 3
4) Go to class
Tomorrow will be a strictly academic day. I tend to focus more on work and home lately. I need to get back into the groove of studying. I have to start preparing for the class I am teaching in the fall.
My check engine light is still on, but I don't think I will have time to do anything about that until Monday.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Abducted
Okay, I wasn't abducted as my mom had feared. I am home safe. Mark and I had a great time, and I also got to see Tausha. Since I now know that Tausha has been reading my blog religiously, Tausha - I posted the pictures on my Yahoo Photos. As of right now, they are still uploading. There will be 15 pictures in all!
One of my favorites:
One of my favorites:
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Packing
I am packing for Los Angeles! It seems wrong that everything fit into one suitcase. I feel like I must be missing something! I am going to bed because I have to get up and work tomorrow before I go. Kirk is being a sweetheart and dropping me off at the airport, and Wendy will probably house sit the cats.
BTW, I have a webcam now. You can see Pam Live! on Yahoo at pamela_j_karr. Weird. It was a present; I probably (actually, I know because I am so cheap) wouldn't have gotten one for myself.
I went with some friends tonight to get a pedicure, and while I was at it, I said, what the heck, and I got a manicure too. We went to eat at some place called something like the Moosehead or something. I saw a dark blue Montero Sport outside, so I thought maybe Gene was there. He has probably traded his truck in for a new car by now anyway. It was kinda stressful for about 2 seconds.
I couldn't sleep last night. I got home from class around 9:30 PM, and I started working on Test 2 for my class. I was having some problems with some of the equations because the variables weren't very clearly defined. So I stressed about that some because without the book, it made it hard to figure anything out. I bought the book on Half.com, but it never got here. I called the local bookstores and no one has the book. So, my test id due Monday. I don't really want to work on it on my trip, but I guess I will have to. I am going to bring my laptop on the plane so maybe that will give me some time to work on it.
G'night.
BTW, I have a webcam now. You can see Pam Live! on Yahoo at pamela_j_karr. Weird. It was a present; I probably (actually, I know because I am so cheap) wouldn't have gotten one for myself.
I went with some friends tonight to get a pedicure, and while I was at it, I said, what the heck, and I got a manicure too. We went to eat at some place called something like the Moosehead or something. I saw a dark blue Montero Sport outside, so I thought maybe Gene was there. He has probably traded his truck in for a new car by now anyway. It was kinda stressful for about 2 seconds.
I couldn't sleep last night. I got home from class around 9:30 PM, and I started working on Test 2 for my class. I was having some problems with some of the equations because the variables weren't very clearly defined. So I stressed about that some because without the book, it made it hard to figure anything out. I bought the book on Half.com, but it never got here. I called the local bookstores and no one has the book. So, my test id due Monday. I don't really want to work on it on my trip, but I guess I will have to. I am going to bring my laptop on the plane so maybe that will give me some time to work on it.
G'night.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Well, Darn It
I bought some pilates DVDs so I could get back into shape, but my DVD remote doesn't work. So, I can only watch the part of the video that the arrow defaults to on the menu. I can't scroll up or down. Oh bother!
Object of Affection
I have always thought that what mattered was the object of the affection, not the source. However, I have come to realize that, if not completely at least for the most part, loving well depends on the lover.
We are all worthy of being loved. If someone doesn't love us enough, it is probably because of their inability to love instead of the lack of lovable qualities in us. There have times whereI have thought "if I could just be better, I know he would love me." Thinking like that can drive one mental. (Stealing vernacular from Mr. Miller, thank you.)
We are all worthy of being loved. If someone doesn't love us enough, it is probably because of their inability to love instead of the lack of lovable qualities in us. There have times whereI have thought "if I could just be better, I know he would love me." Thinking like that can drive one mental. (Stealing vernacular from Mr. Miller, thank you.)
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Brevity
For some reason, I have been posting more pictures and writing less lately. My blog has been abandoned! Sigh.
I guess part of the reason I have been relatively quiet lately is because the things on my mind might end up hurting other people. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about my recently ended 7 month relationship with Gene. However, he is a good guy, and I wouldn't want him coming across something and taking it the wrong way. I am not angry at him. I am sad sometimes that two people can love each other and not make each other happy.
Then there are the things I have on my mind that can't really be revealed in a general forum. I have family, friends, coworkers, strangers, and who knows who else who come across my frequent ramblings. Some things I just can't tell all of you at once. I mean, I am a fairly open person. However, different people need to hear different versions of the truth. And, I am not the only one included in my thoughts. I know a lot of people are not as forthcoming as I am, and I must respect that.
Anyhow, I have an orange cat who needs to be fed.
I guess part of the reason I have been relatively quiet lately is because the things on my mind might end up hurting other people. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about my recently ended 7 month relationship with Gene. However, he is a good guy, and I wouldn't want him coming across something and taking it the wrong way. I am not angry at him. I am sad sometimes that two people can love each other and not make each other happy.
Then there are the things I have on my mind that can't really be revealed in a general forum. I have family, friends, coworkers, strangers, and who knows who else who come across my frequent ramblings. Some things I just can't tell all of you at once. I mean, I am a fairly open person. However, different people need to hear different versions of the truth. And, I am not the only one included in my thoughts. I know a lot of people are not as forthcoming as I am, and I must respect that.
Anyhow, I have an orange cat who needs to be fed.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I Love Cheese
I had a pretty uneventful Friday night, but it was nice. I went grocery shopping and just vegged out around the house. I have some friends coming over tonight. I am flying to LA next weekend, so I need to get some homework done this weekend. I am such a procrastinator. I spent some time paying bills and balancing my money today.
Here is a summary of my financial position:
Income Less Expenses for 2006: $15,172.03
Total Assets: $243,531.21
Total Liabilities: $138,668.75
That's not too bad for a college student. What worries me is the numbers in red at the end of some of the months where my expenses exceed my income. Working part-time does not equate to wealth, that's for sure.
Speaking of money, I need to go to Wal-Mart and buy some longer cables for my new TV. I need to get someone to help me put up the component shelf and hide the wires.
I also need to vaccuum before people come over today. My mom and Watson pulled a whole cat out of my vaccuum cleaner, so I think it works again. Yay!
Life is good.
Here is a summary of my financial position:
Income Less Expenses for 2006: $15,172.03
Total Assets: $243,531.21
Total Liabilities: $138,668.75
That's not too bad for a college student. What worries me is the numbers in red at the end of some of the months where my expenses exceed my income. Working part-time does not equate to wealth, that's for sure.
Speaking of money, I need to go to Wal-Mart and buy some longer cables for my new TV. I need to get someone to help me put up the component shelf and hide the wires.
I also need to vaccuum before people come over today. My mom and Watson pulled a whole cat out of my vaccuum cleaner, so I think it works again. Yay!
Life is good.
Friday, July 14, 2006
My Favorite Artist
I found this artist on eBay. If you like the art in my house, she does a great job for a great price! Oh, and she is Canadian too.
Nadia Beltei
Nadia Beltei
Thursday, July 13, 2006
X Mark's the Spot
Okay, he is going to kill me for posting a picture of him, but I can't help it. I want everyone to meet the great guy I met . . . who happens to live in LA. Even though this looks like a Sears portrait (kinda cheesy but cute), it was actually taken with my camera in my office with the auto timer.
Not sure what possessed me to meet someone across the country, but no one has ever accused me of being sane before. We shall see . . .
Not sure what possessed me to meet someone across the country, but no one has ever accused me of being sane before. We shall see . . .
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Pictures!
Okay, I created a Yahoo Photo album because these were too many pictures to post on my blog. Click here to view the pictures. The first group of pictures are thanks to my mom and Watson. They decided to come and weed my yard on their vacation. (I didn't make them!) The second pictures are of my dining room. I must be sick. I painted a whole room by myself! I love the color though. Happy viewing!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
Mom's Back
I went to my second summer class today; mom and Watson were back at my house when I got back from class. Something homey about having your mom and her boyfriend at home eating sandwiches and chicken soup. My mom and I narrowed down the paint chips to a few possible colors for the dining room. I am ready for bed.
I feel bad because I get all these messages on my space, but I never respond. I am really just on there to catch up with people I already know. I have lots of friends here in Charlotte so I am not really motivated to meet more strangers from the Internet.
Phone call . . . gotta go.
I feel bad because I get all these messages on my space, but I never respond. I am really just on there to catch up with people I already know. I have lots of friends here in Charlotte so I am not really motivated to meet more strangers from the Internet.
Phone call . . . gotta go.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
To Seem or to Be
Which is more important . . . to seem or to be? What if someone is 100% good/right about something internally, but they don't outwardly convey that? What if someone seems how they should be but they really aren't? We want to believe that time and consistency will uncover the true nature of people, but what if that isn't true? What if someone will always be a person who feels the right way inside but cannot express it? We can't live inside of each other. So it is as important to act as we are as to be as we are or should be.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Interesting
Even though my blog is blocked for me from work, it looks like upper-management has no problem accessing my blog. :-) So as my boss and boss's boss were looking around my website yesterday, they comments on the ROUS - which they believe is a beaver and decided that I should update my resume. That doesn't sound good to me!
My mom and Watson headed out this morning. I am regrouping after the visit. They weeded by backyard and want to finish the front when they come back through. Shesh. My neighbors are going to think badly about me . . . having old people slaving in my yard.
I am going to get ready for work now.
Pam!
My mom and Watson headed out this morning. I am regrouping after the visit. They weeded by backyard and want to finish the front when they come back through. Shesh. My neighbors are going to think badly about me . . . having old people slaving in my yard.
I am going to get ready for work now.
Pam!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
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