Thankful

Things I am thankful for:


God - He gave us everything we have that is good or perfect.

My family - Mike, Ra, Scuro, Ru, Mom, Watson, Kim, Tony, Max, Lisa, Steve, Rachael, Ryan, Emily, Mike's mom, Mike's Dad, Julie, Michelle, and our extended families.

My friends - Matt, Amy, Haya, Mahdi, Amber, Chris, Melanie, Angela, Tausha, Liz, Randy, Dave, Pedro, Jamie, Orson, Donna, and too many others to list.

My PhD advisors - Heather and Dave. They are awesome even though I have been sucking at the PhD program lately.

My stuff - I just did two-sided printing with my new wireless printer. Quite nifty. Something I have wanted/needed for some time now. I also am thankful for my car Pearl. My heater Marvin who is keeping me warm right now. My home. My office. I really like electricity and running water too.

The ducks - We enjoy feeding the ducks in the back yard.

The Internet - Admittedly, I am addicted. I am not thankful for porn or cyber-crime though.

My ex-boyfriends - People who I will always love and want the best for but may not talk to anymore.

My health - Mike's condition reminds me that even though I am not the healthiest person in the world, being able to do normal daily life type stuff is a blessing.

My safety - Living in the US has allowed us to not live in fear of war at our doorstep. Although there is crime here, we live relatively safe lives.

Kindness of Strangers - Sometimes when I grieve over the cruelty and selfishness of humanity, someone does something to remind me that goodness still exists.

Vertigo

No new news from the doctors. Mike has his current symptoms and now a new one - vertigo. When he gets headachy and spasmy, he now gets dizzy. We are kind of thinking it might be Parkinson's, but it is hard to diagnose. I saw that there is a Parkinson's Center in Charlotte, so I am going to call them to see if they have more information.

We have an appointment with a Toxicologist early Tuesday morning, a counseling appointment the next week, and an appointment with a Neuromuscular doctor the next week. Mike's short term disability is giving him a hard time because they haven't found out what is wrong with him yet, so the insurance company doesn't want to pay benefits. They want test results that are out of range, and we try to explain to them that the biggest problem is that we don't know why he is sick. Argh. Stressful. Luckily, so far, his boss is working with him so he doesn't have to rely on the short term disability yet.

Thanksgiving was quiet but good. Mike's mom came over, and we all made dinner. We didn't expect the turkey to take NINE hours to cook, so we ended up eating all of our sides around 7 PM and our turkey came out (minus the wings which we were able to have with dinner) of the oven around 9 PM. Darn fresh turkeys. Next time, we are just going to get a Butterball.

Friday Mike

Yesterday, Mike had a follow up appointment with his Neurologist who sent him in to the hospital to get a blood patch for his spinal tap headaches and nausea. So we spent most of the day getting that done. His brain is feeling better which is good. His back and hips are hurting from the blood that was pushed back into his spine to clot the original puncture. It was a little concerning when the doctor who did it said something to the effect of "Well, we aren't exactly sure what it does, but we think . . ." So now he is getting better from the procedures used to try to figure out what was originally wrong with him in the first place.

His doctor put him on Depakote which seems to reduce the uncontrollable muscle spasms. It is a medication used to treat bi-polar, epilepsy, and migraines. The weird thing is that his doctor already ruled out epilepsy, but he doesn't know what the muscle jerks are from. Depakote has some serious side effects such as liver problems and pancreatitis so I don't want him on the medication if he doesn't have to be. We will have to see how he is doing over the next few days. His general doctor is working on some other referrals to hopefully help figure things out without having to wait until March.

More Mike

Mike's Neurologist can't get him into Duke or Baptist for a second opinion until February or March which is pretty depressing. He is scheduled for an EMG on December 8th. We went to his general doctor today, and he is going to try to get referrals for us to get into a Neuromuscular doctor and a Toxicologist sooner is possible. He said that Mike have to go back and get another spinal tap to get a blood patch if he doesn't stop getting nausea and headaches from the first spinal tap. Something about maybe leaking spinal fluid. I don't want to think about that too hard because it grosses me out. He is in good spirits, but he is still visibly hurting. He hasn't been able to keep down all his food, and he was dizzy most of the day yesterday. I don't like leaving him for very long because he forgets that he gets dizzy. I don't want him to fall down the stairs or something when I am away.

We decided that it would be best to also see a counselor together to help us both cope with the stress right now. I am going to call a few after typing this update. I do better some days than others. I was really geared up for both of us to get off to a good working start at his job and me at school after we got back from the honeymoon and the whole wedding thing behind us. I want to start saving up for having kids in about 2 years. I guess it is a little disheartening that right after we get married, we are dealing with strange medical problems instead of being able to enjoy one another. We have been lucky if he feels good enough to get out to dinner with friends.

Everyone is praying for us, so I know everything will be okay.

Status Quo

Mike is feeling a little better from the spinal tap, but his back is hurting him, and he is still getting nausea and said he is dizzy. Last night his armpit was sore, so I think his lymph nodes might be swollen. According to him, he is "super spasmy" today. We are calling his regular doctor to schedule an appointment. I am getting annoyed with his doctor's lack of responsiveness, so we may try to change primary care physicians for him if his doctor keeps being a dork.

In other news, we don't know what happened to grey duck who was sent back to the waterfowl rescue. Black duck is now limpy as well. However, he still has all his feather, so I think he will be okay. Ru is healing up just fine. He is no longer a satellite dish dog.

I have a physical therapist appointment in half an hour. She will tell me that I need to actually do the exercises she gave me to have them work. At that point, I will break down crying and run out of her office it a total panic of stress. Well, maybe not. She is pretty nice.

Matt's birthday was yesterday, and we were actually able to make it to dinner to see him and a few friends. We also got to meet Stephen (Baby Campbell) for the first time last night. What a cutie pie. Seems like we are a few years behind our friends on the whole having a baby department. Hopefully, we won't be too far behind. Mike has to get better first though.

No Update

Mike has a spinal headache (if it sounds painful, you should see him) from the lumbar puncture. Doctor has him on bed rest as he can't sit or stand for very long. Been difficult getting through to his regular doctor and neurologist today. Waiting on outstanding test results. Poor guy asked me what Huntington's disease was because that is the latest test the doctor is sending in. I gave him a print out from wikipedia, and it freaked him out. We are seriously hoping and praying that that test comes back negative. Other than that, we are just trying to take care of each other. My back has decided it wants to start going out again. I have a physical therapist appointment next week.

Mike Update 3

They released Mike from the hospital late yesterday afternoon. They still haven't found out why he is sick. He is still getting really bad headaches, involuntary muscle jerks, nausea, tightness in his chest, and pain in his neck. The doctor is running another test for Huntington's disease. He has been in bed since he got back from the hospital. Sitting up makes him feel worse. He is happier at home, so it doesn't make sense to keep him at the hospital if they aren't running more tests. He will probably have to go up to Duke for more tests. He will probably have to go on short term disability at work for a few weeks at least. I am calling school to see what I need to do to get leave for a while to take care of him.

Thanks for all the prayers and kind words. It is good to know we have a lot of friends and family who love us very much.

Mike Update 2

Well, they didn't release Mike today; they are keeping him another night. Still no results to help figure out what is going on. Strangely enough, his spasms have really slowed down - probably because he is in bed all day. I am staying the night with him. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

It was sweet; my mom tried calling about 7 hospitals to find Mike and talk to him. She doesn't even think to try a cell phone. :-)

Mike has electrodes stuck all over his head with paper mache (how do you spell mache?). His room is also video surveillanced 24 hours/day. I guess I should have remembered that when I changed my pants.

Mike Update

Mike was admitted to the Concord hospital this morning. Hopefully it will just be overnight so they can observe him and run more tests. He is going to get another MRI, a spinal tap, and some other tests. I am picking up some clothes and stuff for him and will be driving back to the hospital shortly. I will report any new news as I can.

The Unknown

I've been stressed because Mike hasn't been feeling well. He started getting really bad headaches in July, but they couldn't get him in the see a Neurologist until October. Since then, he has developed tightness in his chest and mini seizures that make his whole body spasm. At first, it was only right before bed, and now it is pretty much all throughout the day. It has continously been getting worse. His doctor has advised that he not drive or travel which makes it hard for him to do his job. So he might have to go on short-term disability at work if they can't figure out and start treating the problem this week. He has already had 3 MRIs, CT scan, echo-cardiogram, a sleep deprived EEG, an EKG, a 48 hour EEG, a sleep study, and blood tests for all sorts of stuff (blood sugar, West Nile, Yellow Fever, Lime disease, etc.). They haven't found the cause yet. They have him on 2-3 new medicines. One is for seizures which helps his convulsions but makes him dizzy. At first they got rid of the muscle jerks, but then they came back. He is taking 2 in the morning and 2 at night, so he can't really increase the dosage. The other night, he got out of bed and just fell down on the floor because he was so dizzy. So I have been driving us around because he hasn't been feeling good enough to drive. Whatever it is has also been affecting his mental faculties where he just tells me sometimes, "I can't think." It also makes him depressed and anxious, whicvh I am not sure if those are symptoms or just a result of the symptoms. Either way, he has been having a very tough time of it the last few months. Of course, it gets me frustrated sometimes because I am not the most patient person, and having a fuzzy-headed newlywed husband can get pretty stressful. I know being sick isn't his fault, but it does put quite a bit of a burden on me when I am not generally the healthiest person in the world myself. I try to just be supportive, but I am definitely not perfect at it. The latest theory we have is that he had some fillings removed earlier this year, and he possibly could have gotten mercury poisoning which would cause all the symptoms he is experiencing. The other possibility is Parkinsons disease. His dad just reminded him that his great grandfather had Parkinson's. I am really hoping that it is mercury poisoning over Parkinson's though. I was trying to get him into the doctor Friday afternoon, but no one would see him. He didn't feel up to waiting in the Emergency room for hours to get seen - to probably be told that they wouldn't be able to run any of the tests until Monday anyway. So, I am driving him to the doctor early in the morning (Monday). He is scheduled for a spinal tap which I have heard can be excruciatingly painful. My poor honey. If they can't figure out what is wrong by doing testing, then he will need to be checked into a hospital, or we may have to go up to Duke so they can figure out what is going on. So we have been praying that he will feel better soon. I guess I wish this wasn't how we had to spend the first few months of married life. I will definitely stay true to my vows in sickness and in health, but I guess we all would wish that we didn't have to be tested right away. Mike is a sweetheart, and I just feel so helpless that I can't make him feel better. Overall, we are happy and love each other. He asked me the other day if I would have married him if he was having all of these problems before we got married. I told him of course. I am still lucky to have him even if times are a little tough right now.

The Real Crisis

I cried so hard last night, and it wasn't about the election. I was crying because of the shear meanness and anger that so many people have toward one another. I see more and more evidence of bitterness and/or apathy, and I don't know if it is because I am getting older or because the world is just progressively getting uglier. Thanks to the anonymity of the Internet, people have forgotten that respect is a virtue. And after some get accustomed to being nasty at the comfort of their keyboards, they grow more easy being that way in crowds and then so with individuals.

There is no use in being mean. None. Somehow being nice has become equated to weakness. One can be strong and resolute without being caustic and cruel. It seems like everything society worships are the things Jesus reviled. It takes more strength to be humble than to overflow with pride. It takes more courage to be wrongfully rebuked without retribution than it does to lash out in revenge.

I cried because I was so sad for humanity. I wanted to just love everyone so hard and all at once in some attempt to quell the hatred that seems to ooze so easily and out of no where. As if I were somehow important enough to get heard long enough to say, hush, just be nice, love one another, respect one another, comfort one another - or just be quiet. If they actually listened, would there just be silence?

I know I am an idealist to the core, and that will never change. I would rather die than turn stoic and cynical. I continue to seek the good in people and refuse to believe that anyone is a lost cause. I refuse to believe that changing the world is up to someone else and not up to me. I take the crises of humanity personally, but I don't know if it is me who is flawed or those who don't mourn personally for the loss of the moral character of each and every one of us. I don't know.