Thank God

I am so thankful for my boyfriend. I had a pretty icky day today - all of my papers submitted to ICIS were rejected. I am feeling spread a little too thin between work, work 2, research, and everything else. Like the song, there is always a reason to not feel good enough. So I cried, and Mike held me and made goofy jokes until I smiled. Thank God for him; he is my angel.

I guess I don't write all that much about Mike on my blog 1) because the bottom tends to fall out when I think everything is going well and 2) I don't want to hurt Mark. I know Mark checks my blog occasionally. I do love Mark, and I wish all the happiness for him in the world. In the end, I didn't make him happy enough because we have different goals in life. That doesn't mean I want him to hurt or be hurt. You don't just stop caring about the people you cared deeply about.

At the same time, I blog about what is on my mind and my heart, and today, it is Mike. He cooked chicken marsala with potatoes for dinner tonight. He told me he would love me even if I failed. And he did the dishes. I can't control how emotional I am sometimes, but it was really nice to have him hold me and calm me down. He is learning that when I am sad it doesn't mean I am unhappy with us. I am not asking him to fix anything or do anything but be there for me. And today he did a great job.

I am home now and showered. Showering helps calm me down some. Now I am going back to do some work 2 to have ready for tomorrow. This weekend I have to start paper revisions to be able to resubmit them to other conferences and/or journals. I just need to take a deep breath and not get discouraged.