Random

Sometimes you just want to ask people a) are you really that shallow or b) are you just acting like you are shallow so you don't expose your vulnerabilities or c) do you just not get it?

My tummy is full. I have eaten way too much the past few days, but I like it. It is late so I need to be going to bed soon.

Life has been kind of crazy the last few weeks. Life changes very quickly. I am not quite sure where I am at right now. Too busy to regroup, and I am actually doing pretty well. God is teaching me new lessons every day. I can't only hope that I am sharp enough to pick up on them.

Wish One: I want to date someone who prays before meals. I always wanted to pray before I ate, but I have always been to chicken to do it. There was a guy I worked with at Home Depot, and he would always pray before he ate. That really makes a man sexy.

I was told today that I have a house that is all ready for a family. I must have missed a step or two in that whole process . . .

My mom is coming to town next week. Yay. I haven't seen her since New Year's.

I love my cats. Why do guys think that liking cats isn't masculine? Cats are great.

I might visit Kim and Tony for Labor Day. Maybe it was Memorial Day. I always get the two confused. Sigh.

Camping, Camping, Camping

Here is a picture from camping a few weeks ago. Virginia got a great shot of my armpit. Good thing I shaved!

Selfish

People keep telling me that I need to learn how to be selfish. I don't know how to be selfish. I know what I want, and I don't have a problem letting people know what that is - but I don't enjoy being selfish. It feels good when someone else does something for me, but I don't really get much out of doing things for myself. I have accomplished a lot in the last 26 years, but I don't really do it for myself. The things that I am proud of are more the things that I do for other people. The things that make me happy are when other people do things for me. I am a very relationship oriented person. I don't want to be selfish. I don't think the Bible says anything about being selfish. You are supposed to be humble, self-sacrificing, a servant. The description of a marriage is more like two people submitting to each other instead of taking care or themselves. Everything we do should be to glorify God, not ourselves. Who is right?

There are so many people without any depth. Sometimes I envy them because it seems to make their lives so easy. Are they really happy? I don't understand. I tend to inject meaning into everything. Probably too much sometimes. I revel in possibility. I like submerging myself in all of our beautiful imperfections. Why ignore them? They make us.

There she goes again - rambling. :-)

A Lesson in Persistence

Ra is the most resilient cat in the world. For instance, he meowed for two hours straight this morning to try to wake me up to feed him. And, he has begun to do so again for his evening feeding. I was going to go to the gym tonight and get a membership, but maybe I will do that later in the week.

I am going to the Melting Pot tomorrow! I have company in town this weekend, and my mom is coming into town for the 4th of July.

I need to find time to fly out and see Kim and Tony. I am so busy these days.

I bought a 37'' flat panel television. By the goodness of kind gentlemen, I now have it hanging on the wall. I need to get a component shelf and some way to hide the cords.

I am sleepy, but I really should be productive tonight.

Pam!

To Do

Some things I have to work on:

1) Taking out the trash on Sunday nights
2) Cleaning the bathroom
3) Keeping in touch with friends
4) Painting
5) Knowing what tools I own

Hmmm, Interesting

Comments I hear the most . . .

"So you are a cheap date." (regarding my inability to drink)
"Smart a*s."
"You really have your s**t together."

Any additions?

If you have cake, you should be able to eat it

Someone put away my trash can for me today. That was nice of them! I slept a lot today because I wasn't feeling well. Hopefully I will be able to sleep better tonight. I just felt like my stomach was full of acid. Bleh.

I think Gene and I have officially broken up. His goals are more career oriented. He will make a great crew chief one day. I seem like I am very career oriented, but I am most interested in having a family. I don't want kids for at least 4 more years, but that is the direction I want to go. If you think about it, 4 years isn't very far away. Wow, time flies.

Anyway, the Brad Paisley concert was awesome. Not only is he a great singer, he is cute and his songs are either mushy or funny or both. I should see if I can find the one about the toilet seat. Jay accompanied me to the concert which was cool. I had already purchased two tickets, and I wasn't about to go alone. (I mean, then I would have had to drive.) Hopefully he had fun too.

I just got back from the grocery store. The kitties were out of food, so I had to go pick some up. The cashier looks at me like I am crazy when I come to the register with only a bag of cat food at 11 PM. These are some spolied cats.

Awww

See what my friend sent me as a thank you present? Nice and thoughtful people are awesome! My tummy feels better now.

Tummy Ache

I woke up with a tummy ache and can't get back to sleep. :-( All I had yesterday was pizza and soda. I took some tums but I am still feeling icky. Yuck. Ugh. Bleh.

Quick, call me and tell me how much you love me and make me feel better.

Ick,
Pam

Today Pam

Happy Father's Day

I have kind of forgotten about this holiday since my dad died when I was seven. The message in church today made me cry. However, I am a chick so I like to cry sometimes. It talked about what we all need from a father and what kinds of fathers there are . . . absent, abusive, achievement oriented, good, etc. It also talked about how we transfer our relationship with our fathers to our relationship with God.

I am glad my father wasn't abusive. I mean, there have been abusive father figures in my life, but they weren't my dad. I think that would have screwed me up even more!

My dad was absent. He died when I was seven, but even before that he was there but not engaged in my life. He was older and probably already had Cancer when I was born. All he would do was play atari (which I still have in my garage), sit in his recliner, and watch the 49ers. He taught my sister how to throw a football.

But, I am not angry at my dad. He never hurt me; he just wasn't there. I guess that does hurt in some ways . . .when I go to a wedding and see the father-daughter dance, I always tear up.

And, I think it does affect my relationship with God. It is hard for me to feel like God is really there, protecting me, interested in me. I know He is there, but sometimes I haveto remind myself because it just doesn't make sense to me.

All in all, the message made me realize that when I am shopping for a husband, I need to remember that I am shopping for the dad for my future kids. Yeah, that sentence just scared all the commitment-phobic guys away. Run!

Regardless of how I tend to make father's day a non-event - fathers are very important. So for those of you who are dads, don't forget that there is someone who will always be looking for your love and acceptance. Reflect love, not apathy.

Spam

I think a Pam message board would be more fitting than a Pam blog. I am not one who enjoys soliloquy; I am much better with dialogue. A blog is kinda lonely. I mean, I definitely am one to share my thoughts, feelings, and random other stuff - but really, with whom am I sharing, and do they care?

Darn it, I am being pensive again. I keep doing that.

I am going to go to church this Sunday. I am going to try to go with Matt and Amy to their small group next Sunday. I am happier when I am pursuing God more vigilantly.

I am going to a Brad Paisley concert tomorrow night. Where have all the country music fans gone?

Agape,
Pam

My Twin, Cat and All!

I have rediscovered my twin on MySpace. She and I went to high school together and sat beside each other in debate class. Everyone thought we were twins.